Niples,Jack,Athena "Big flower"

Who: Seymour, Jack and Athena
Where: The planet where everything seems to be an innuendo
When: As they get attacked
<snip>
"They're trying to drown us!" cried Seymour. "We've got to attack
them!"
"But.. they're kind of cute... don't you think?" said Jack.
<end snip>
Jack stood and gawped at the rosy flower, as it sprayed salty water
in his face. Seymour pulled him out of the way.
"My god this planet is crazy! My only consolation is that these
beings were never meant to be, bizarre experiments gone wrong – and
hopefully we'll never see the likes of again."
He moved to duck another squirt. Everyone else was doing
likewise. "What the hell are we doing?" asked Seymour. "Plants don't
have legs, so lets just… RUN!"
They ran away from the bizarre plants, the creatures watching them
from their rosy petals. Then the flowers looked down to their roots
and lifted them from the ground.
Seymour looked behind and sighed. "Oh please! This is just far too
ridiculous!" The plant stomped up behind him and swiped him with a
leafy arm, throwing him almost on top of Jack and Athena.
"Jack, I am possibly about to have one of the crudest and
ungentlemanly things I have ever said…" Said Seymour formulating a
plan.
Jack furrowed his brow, and Athena listened.
"…of which I urge you to immediately forgive me, especially in the
prescence of a certain young lady who happens to be also Royalty…"
"Forced royalty!" Athena added.
"Get on with it!" Said Jack, feeling the flower's petals bulging
behind him ready to spray.
"Well, has the certain curried dish that we enjoyed earlier left you
still a little… bloated?"
"Eh?" Said Jack.
"I mean… well do you still feel like the Indian cuisine has left
your bowels with a certain urge to release?"
"Eh?" Said Jack.
"Are you perhaps feeling a little windy?"
"Eh?" said Jack.
Athena slapped her hand to her face. "He means are you ready to fart
in the direction of the flower!!"
"Oh yeah good idea!" Said Jack. And aimed his curry-defected behind
at the nearest flower.
A nasty bottom burp of putrid air hit the flower in the roots and
withered it from within. It turned brown instantly and shrivelled to
the floor.
"Good grief, what was in that curry?" Asked Seymour. "I knew I
should have only stuck to the oysters!"
"I saw you tuck into the curry as well Seymour, don't try and hide
it! You must be brewing some more too."
Four more flowers ran up to them.
"Well can you blame me, it's the only food we have been served since
landing here. Besides, spicy Indian cuisine can be quite the
delicacy when cooked properly and served magnificently."
Athena watched the other plants running up. She hadn't known the two
humans for very long, but could tall already that Seymour seemed to
like the sound of his own voice.
"Seymour stop gassing out of your mouth and turn around, there's
more to be taken care of!"
"But but… I'm far too… I'm a Royal Ambassador!" Seymour protested.
"It's a perfectly natural bodily function. Just do it, it seems to
work!" Said Athena.
Seymour turned to Jack, who was aiming his behind and really busting
a gut to squeeze anything more out. He stopped and shook his
head. "Nothing left I'm afraid, its up to you Seymour."
Seymour bit his lip. "But but…"
After much forcing, he finally gave in and aimed his posterior
towards the four remaining plants. He screwed up his face, in a
gentlemanly way and then looked back at Athena. "I'm sorry Madam, I
can't when a lady is watching me." Athena turned around and Seymour
tried again.
Jack and Athena waited for a telltale noise, either small and
squeaky or loud and robust.
But they heard nothing. Athena turned around a minute later to see
Seymour watching the closest flower writhing in agony.
"It was silent-" Said Seymour.
"But violent! Look" Said Jack, pointing to the other flowers behind
that had also caught a wiff, they were also choking and shrivelling
up into small twigs.
Seymour beamed with pride. It was the first time he had been proud
of his own flatulence. Normally as he always did them so quiet he
could blame them on other people, but this one he did take credit
for.
"One thing." Said Seymour. "Nobody EVER hears about this,
understand!"
Then he looked up and saw for the first time that they were being
watched by several floating remote TV cameras. One came closer for a
facial shot, and a TV screen floated behind it showing King
Sealion's face.
"Well done all of you, that has been broadcast across the planet and
neighbouring systems, I'm sure your friends will treat you to a
replay when you get home. Now I have another task for you…"
"But we haven't finished escaping!" Said Athena.
"And you won't either. You can't get anywhere, these people need to
finish these tasks so we can help them repair their ship."
"Its true." Said Jack.
"It's the only reason why we're embarrassing ourselves so badly."
Said Seymour.
"Your next task… " Said the King. "I fancy an omelette of gigantic
proportions, travel east to the nest of the Giant Chicken of
Bristol, where you must bring back one of his eggs to me."
"Then will you help us?" Said Seymour.
But the screen blinked off, leaving Seymour angrily stomping his
foot.
"Giant Chicken of Bristol… I don't think I like the sound of that."
Said Jack.
"Me either." Said Seymour. "Bristol is a horrible place."
"I've heard of people going on quests to the east before, but none
have ever come back." Said Athena.
Jack and Seymour groaned, wanting to go home desperately, but they
knew they had to perform for the King if they had any chance of
getting back to the Blue Dwarf.
"So which way's east?"
"Moss always grows on the east side of a tree." Said Seymour.
Jack looked around the flat tree-less plains. "You're not helping".
<Tag to Jack and Athena!>