Niples+Jack "Meeting the King freak"

Who: Jack and Seymour
Where: On the planet
When: 2 hours after the last post
The Crustythrush drove out of a tunnel and into a built up city and
parked the pink bus.
Seymour and Jack were thrown out of the vehicle, feeling violated.
They had spent the last 2 hours bouncing around in the vehicle,
which had very little in the ways of suspension.
One Crustythrush lead them forward with his large claw behind them.
Jack obediently moved, as the size of those claws were enough to
snap his neck like a small pencil. Seymour however was reluctant to
move.
"Excuse me, would you mind not pushing so much. I'm a Royal
Ambassador you know!"
"Good." Said one of the feathered crabs. "Because we are taking you
to see our King."
Seymour's face lightened. "Finally. Someone in control of this dump.
An intelligent man I bet. When I have a word with him about how
you're treating us he'll have you all demoted! Mark my words!"
They were pushed into what looked like a central marketplace. It was
a round opening in the middle of the bustling town. They both looked
around to see a very varied mix of all kinds of creatures. Bustled
up some kind of ramp they were pushed onto a raised platform that
could see over the entire city. The entire city contained neither
new buildings or old, it had an oldy worldy charm about it without
looking too dilapidated, or any garish new buildings.
They both turned their gaze off the cityscape to see a large empty
throne. The King obviously liked his views.
They watched as the King made his entrance. First, two female
jesters somersaulted onto the stage waving ribboned batons around
themselves expertly. They seemed to be part fox, covered in ginger
fur, all apart from two goat's legs. One fox (or vixen, as they were
female) somersaulted in front of Seymour and winked at him. Seymour
smiled back, finding himself quite attracted to the creature before
he felt utterly disgusted with himself at the thought and physically
tried to remove the disturbing image from his head.
The court jesters bounded off but there was still no sign of the
King, until they looked up. A large piece of blubber was being
gracefully winched down from a higher platform. Eventually the piece
of blubber squelched onto the throne and looked up at them through a
furry mane. The creature had a huge skinless blubbery body but a
hairy mane around its wide head. It had a slightly elongated nose
and feline facial features. It licked its blubbery arm like a cat
and grinned at them. Some trumpeters announced his arrival with a
few blasts of majestic song.
"The Great King Sealion!" Someone announced.
Then it spoke, and when it spoke it was with almost a roar, but a
good-natured one. Like Brian Blessed doing panto.
"GREETINGS!" Said the creature happily.
Seymour stepped up to be the first to talk. Thinking his
Ambassadorial experience being useful again. "May I first begin by
saying what a wonderful planet you have here." Seymour
arselicked. "I especially like the view from your throne, an
obviously good choice on your part I daresay." Seymour grinned
smarmily.
The King looked at him bemused and sat up in his chair. For a while
he didn't say anything.
Then he said "I like you little man. From now on I will call
you `arselicker'."
There was a pause as Seymour checked his ears.
"Erm, excuse me your liege, but I should have introduced myself. I
am Seymour Niples, Royal Ambassador to the gracious Queen Brittany
of England and the commonwealth."
"Very impressive title." Said the King. "But I prefer `arselicker'"
Seymour frowned, not sure if there was some practical joke he was
missing out on, or whether this was some bizarre local custom. What
he did know was that Jack was pointing and laughing at him.
Seymour turned to Jack and scowled. The King also looked at him and
said. "And you shall be called….tit."
Jack stopped and looked up at the majestic King. "Eh? But I havn't
said anything yet!"
"Yes I know." Boomed the King in his deep voice. "But you just look
like a tit."
Jack looked around at the people of all genetic mixes laughing at
him. Even the King was clapping wildly with his padded front fins.
"Maybe this is entertainment to these people. They're all such
genetic freaks, it makes them feel a lot better by mocking others!"
Seymour sniggered. "You do look a bit like a-"
"Shutup arselicker!"
The King bellowed like Brian Blessed. "We are a simple people. We
find many ways to keep ourselves amused."
Seymour took a deep breath, sick already of being mocked. "Yes well
anyway. Can we talk business now?"
The King waved him to continue.
"We crashed a few hours ago here and need some spare parts to get
our ship back in the air. Would you be willing to trade something to
help us out?"
The king thought for a moment, then asked. "What have you got to
trade?"
Seymour looked around. This part of the plan he hadn't really
thought about much. In fact he hadn't thought about it at all, and
actually had nothing to trade.
"Well… You could have my friend here. He'd make a really good slav-
oof!"
Jack belted Seymour in the stomach and he bent over double.
"We are a people of simple pleasures." Said the King again. "It is
unlikely anyway that you will have anything to offer us in trade.
However we are willing to help you out. There IS something you can
do for us."
"Go on…" Said Jack.
"Well we are a people of simple pleasures-"
"Yes yes you've told us that!" said Seymour.
"…well we have a series of tasks you can complete for us. I have to
admit that they are merely for our amusement. But if you complete
all the tasks we set for you, we will give you all the help you
need."
Jack nodded. "Very helpful of you-"
But Seymour shook his head. "Hold on. I'm not going to sing and
dance for your amusement!"
The King frowned. "So many people say that. But unfortunately they
change their mind when they hear of the alternative."
"What's the alternative?" Asked Seymour.
The King looked around. "Well I could use a new personal cleanser,
someone to help bathe me. With a body as big as this it can be very
difficult on your own you know."
Seymour bit his lip. He didn't like the sound of that much either.
"You say `new' personal cleanser. What happened to your last one?"
Asked Jack, then soon realised he didn't want to know.
"Well it was the funniest thing. He was cleaning my lovehandles and
I just rolled over and then he was gone!" The Sealion scratched
around under his rolls of flab then found something. "Oh look, there
he is!…or what's left of him…"
Seymour turned away to prevent from being sick.
"Alright. Tasks it is. What do we have to do for you first?" Asked
Seymour.
<Tag me and Jack, and if anyone else wants to get in on our tasks,
let me know!>