Kick Ass!

Kick Ass!
Idwal Everett
Mining Section
 
Idwal was in the mining section stores.  A vast gloomy hangar that housed a mind boggling array of machinery.  The one good thing about mining was, thought Idwal, the fact that all the equipment was so BIG! So BUTCH! so HAIRY! He scoured the lines of idle machinery until at last he found what he had hoped would be there.  Idwal wiped away the accumulated layers of dust to reveal a makers plaque that read V16NPg. “You little beauty!” sighed Idwal and he turned to the mining sores droid that was hovering dutifully behind him “I want this one” He said.  The droid hummed and hawed “It’s the most expensive survey cruiser we have! It’s the one with the V12 nithium drive ion Plasma generator in it!”  
“Exactly!” smiled Idwal
“ You’ll have to sign an indemnity for it.”  said the droid sulkily “We haven’t had your other ship back yet” muttered  the droid with a touch of sarcasm in its voice.
Idwal looked all wide eyed and innocent.  “I told you its ..er parked on the Hymie planet”
The droid seemed unimpressed and reluctantly handed the ticket to Idwal to sign.  Which he did so with a flourish that hid the fact that he had just scrawled John Keats monica across the page.
“Okay!” said Idwal, “ I want this baby in the workshop a.s.a.p. “  He could see the droid thinking about this and added rapidly “Got to ensure it’s okay after a long lay up!”  The droid seemed satisfied and  retreated .  Idwal rubbed his hands together expectantly as the cargo hoist lifted the cruiser out of storage.
Several hours later the survey cruiser hung in the negative grav field with the harsh neon lights of the workshop glinting off a bristling  array of armament Idwal had added.  The survey cruiser was now one death dealing dreadnought and to emphasise the point Idwal had painted the whole ship with red and yellow chevrons, fitted strobe lights and had grafted onto the nose the holograph of Snakeshead Bloodiron, the notorious pirate from Beta Prime who was renowned for ravishing females three at a time whilst simultaeneously chewing off the genitalia of any males he had captured alive.  Idwal felt this would give people some idea as to the likely lethal quality of the the craft.
Idwal patted its gleaming flanks with satisfaction “You are one kick ass son of a bitch!” he sighed and he just couldn’t wait to get the rig up to the launch bay fast enough.