*ACTION* The Evils of recruitment

Beneath the surface of the planet...
The creature known as ‘The GELF’ looked out from a stone precipice over a
river of glowing red-hot lava. An army of undead warriors trained below. The
GELF stood tall and proud, atop its head two gnarled goat horns protruded
from his skull.
“Sir?” said a small voice next to him. “Sir?”
“Look at them Igor! An army of the best and nastiest known to man! Aren’t
they formidable!”
“Errr….yes sir…but… my name’s not Igor sir, its….its Perkins.”
“Yes yes whatever… we need to get you a more evil sounding name Perkins!”
“Yes sir, I’m sorry sir.” Perkins said.
The Devil-looking GELF turned to face Perkins. Like himself, Perkins was a
genetically-engineered half man, half goat. But unlike the devil-like
appearance of the larger GELF, with its humanoid body and menacing goat
horns, Perkins had the body and four legs of a goat, with the small white
diminutive face of a man. He sniffed annoyingly and tried to wipe his nose
with a hoof.
“I have the special unit ready for you sir,” Perkins bleated. He walked over
to a group of men lined up in a more shallow part of the cave. “These are
the nastiest and cruellest men known in history, their crimes have and
atrocities have appalled people for generations. It took me a while to find
their souls here but it should be worth it. May I present, Atilla the Hun,
Joseph Stalin, The dictator Pol Pot, Jack the Ripper, Joseph Stalin, King
Herod, Idi Amin, The Emperor Caligula, Rasputin, and Harold Shipman.
The GELF looked down the line and stroked his goatee beard. “This Bishop
guy, he looks a bit measley, are you sure he’s a murderer?”
“He killed 215 people sir!”
“Is that all? SHIPMAN! We don’t want your type here!” He grabbed up the
bearded man and threw him off the precipice where he was impaled on a
stalagmite 100 feet below.
“NOW! The rest of you, I hear you are the worst bunch of characters who have
ever died, some of you had power when you were alive, some of you were
kings, emperors or dictators… now I want you to remember, I’M IN CHARGE NOW!
You WILL get a chance to murder hundreds of people in viciously nasty ways,
but as long as I tell you to first!”
The GELF walked over to a large chair which he used as his throne. It was
made out of bones and various limbs, some of which still retained their
flesh, some which still tried to move. He sat awkwardly but powerfully.
“So, I would like to expand my reign of terror off this world and expand my
empire. This place is becoming a bit… old hat for me now. I’ve done the
whole satanic fiery cave, lava wall thing, now its time to wage war on the
galaxy and create an empire of terror!”
Everyone cheered, and the devil shushed them by throwing a dagger into
Stakin’s head. He pulled it out without even wincing.
“Quiet! We need to get off this planet, and to do that we need a ship. A big
ship. Luckily one has landed right on our doorstep- look at this fellas!” he
motioned towards a sturdy monitor plugged into a thermal generator below.
It displayed the Blue Dwarf floating in space. “This men, this will be our
chariot of doom, the harbinger of death to countless civilisations and
cultures!” he laughed manically.
“True, its not my colour, but it will have to do. There are shuttles on the
surface, the walking dead up there have already engaged them. I want you all
to capture a shuttle and get to the ship.”
<Tag! Gottit guys, not mindless zombies but fully aware un-dead! Fight!
Mutilate! Maim! go go! Oh, by the way this post was actually written by
Onion