Niples "The Crater Nightclub"

Who: Jay, Dean, Phil, Efof + Seymour
Where: The Crater Nightclub, Mars
When: After Seymour danced to Chesney Hawkes
"Your round Efof!" Said Jay motioning for the alien to go to the bar.
"Why me?!" Efof squeaked, the sugary cocktails were swimming around
his head.
"Its an Earth custom, the person wearing red t-shirts should always
go to the bar. And you can't disagree with customs, it would offend
us!"
Efof looked at the t-shirt he was wearing and disappointedly saw it
was red. "Oh well… if its custom…"
He headed off to the bar.
Phil poked Jay in the ribs. "How many times are you going to try
that!" he laughed.
"Until he stops falling for it, I thought he'd see through me the
last 5 times but he still hasn't worked it out!"
They looked at him at the bar to see Efof turn back and wave.
"So naïve…" Said Jay, "Think of it as educating him about the
cruelty of human nature."
Dean looked around the room and saw Seymour now sat down in the
lounge area on the comfy chairs talking to a pair of blonde twin
girls.
"Hey look! Seymour's chatting up some girls!"
"Oh my god! You're right, they're not half bad either!" said Jay
looking over.
"We should go over!" Said Dean.
"Dude!" Said Jay. "Me and Phil are both married!"
"Yeah I know, but I'm not- and he's got one too many…"
"Are you sure? Look!" Said Jay.
They watched from across the club as both twins kissed Seymour on
the cheeks at the same time.
"Oh my God!!! That's Seymour….. this can't be happening!" Said Dean.
"If Seymour scores with two girls….that…that's just not fair!" Said
Phil.
"Well we can go over and embarrass him… he's done it enough to us!"
Said Jay and lead the group over through the crowd. Just before they
got there, both girls gave him their numbers and walked away.
As they passed the trio they could be heard saying "What a nice guy,
he's so polite and handsome!"
"HE'S A PONSE!" Shouted Jay upon hearing this, but the girls
couldn't hear over the music.
They went and sat down on the leather sofa next to Seymour. Seymour
leaned back and relaxed, looking very smug with himself.
"Hey dudes!" He said.
"Two girls Seymour?!" Enquired Phil, sitting down.
"Oh yes guys! I'm on a role tonight! Its amazing how popular you are
with the ladies when you don't try and bore them with details of
Royal Ambassadorial business- to be honest I don't know why I was
even interested in the topic myself. I've had a personality change
now, got one cheap on Luna Station. Now I'm down with it! I'm cool!
I'm a cool dude!"
"Erm… okay." Said Phil.
"You should have seen me today, I was on a mission for her majesty's
secret service, blowing up a weapons depot a terrorist group had
established on K2. I ripped down the mountain on my snowboard, then
there was an avalanche, I almost died!"
"Erm... yeah sure." Said Phil.
Suddenly the music in the club stopped and the DJ's voice came
on. "Heres a special announcement to the…" he checked his auto-
cue. "the …most awesome …dude in the room, Seymour Niples who has…
completed a secret mission for her majesty of Britain's secret
service. Of course he cannot tell you about the mission or he'd have
to kill you, but he wants you to all know that he completed it and
the world is now…much safer." A jazzed up version of god save the
Queen played loudly through the speakers and Seymour stood up with
his arms in the air and made himself known to the crowd.
"What a dick!" Said Phil. "I bet he told the DJ himself to say that!"
"I can't believe his ego has got bigger!" Said Jay. "And worse of
all, now he thinks he's cool and everyone likes him!"
"Sit down Seymour!" Said Jay behind him. "Nobody cares!"
"No- look! People are actually clapping him!" Said Phil.
"No Seymour- stop breakdancing it's embarrassing! –Please!"
All three covered their faces until Seymour came and sat down again.
"You know Seymour I think we might go-" Phil started before Seymour
cut him off.
"You know its good that I can now join in with the rest of the crew,
I feel like we're bonding tonight- in a manly way!" Seymour said
excitedly and gave each one a friendly punch.
Everyone looked at each other feeling really awkward.
Suddenly Seymour shouted at someone off in the crowd. Callum
Kotchanski walked over. "Callum come and join us! Have a seat!"
Phil and Dean looked at each other and froze, then had to scooch
along the couch to let Callum sit down.
"Callum you know the guys, Jay, Dean and Phil."
"Erm... hello Sirs, I've never been out with senior crew before!"
Callum said nervously.
There was an awkward silence as nobody spoke, before CK got up and
announced he'd give Efof a hand at the bar.
"What did you invite him here for?" Asked Jay.
"Kotchanski? Why what's wrong with him?" asked Seymour. "He's a
member of the crew."
"Yeah but he's a little bit…" started Jay.
"Annoying!" Said Dean.
"He's like one of the lowest people on the ship!" Said Jay. "And I'm
surprised you're even willing to be seen with him, what was it you
always said about the lower crewmembers? They're too common for you?
I think a few weeks ago you'd have even thought WE'RE too common for
you!"
"No way! I've been talking to Callum and he seems a cool guy," said
Seymour. ""
Efof and Callum came back from the bar carrying five pints and a
rainbow coloured cocktail. Callum tripped over a chair leg and
spilled half of Efofs cocktail down Seymour's suit.
Dean, Jay and Phil took a sudden deep breath in horror. It took Efof
a few seconds later to realise what had just happened and opened his
mouth wide in shock too.
Phil had a sudden urge to cower underneath his chair, Seymour was so
protective over his clothes that if he ever stained or damaged any
of them he turned worse than himself did on Thursdays.
Seymour wiped his suit off and sipped his pint. He saw everyone
staring at him.
"What?"
"Your suit… the… Callum spilled something on it…. And he's still
alive." Said Jay.
"Yeah last time I spilled that curry sauce on your tuxedo, you tried
to have me hung-drawn and quartered by order of the crown court!"
"Its only a suit, it'll wash."
Everyone took another sudden intake of air. "Really? Wow, you ARE
different!"
"Of course, I feel now I can get along with everyone on the ship, it
just takes a higher person to rise above our petty differences and
find common ground. That's why I've invited all the lower
crewmembers out tonight…"
Just as he said that, a group of the most unsociable, lowest
ranking, geeky plebs on the ship turned up alongside Chris Harris,
plus a few newbies who nobody knew.
"Welcome everyone!" Said Seymour.
Jay groaned. "Looks like our cue to leave…
<tag>