jp : Returnof the title writing writers block

OOC : This fantabulous post was brought to you by the letters Q, z
and by Phil and Jay
Who : Dean, Jay and Phil's family(inc Phil)
Where : Lodnon, The Febuggure Home
<snip>
"Hello Phililp nice of you to finley drop by after all these years.."
Dean mumbled out the corner of his mouth "Dude..you have a gorgoes
sister.."
"Dean...thats my mother"
<end snip>
Jay stared.
He continued to stare in silence for a few moments then
said "Phil...I find this very disturbing...."
"What?!" asked Phil
"Has Rufus met her yet?!"
"No why?!"
"Just I saw him buying one of her movies in HMV the other day....and
well...does the kid know hes been watching his grandma do the
gential tango?!"
Dean looked between Phil and Jay.
"Guy's Am i missing something here?"
"You could say that swettie", said Phil's mum as she stood to one
side and let the boys in.
"You see my stage name is , Candy...Candy Hole"
"Stage name?!" asked Dean "You a singer or something?!"
"Dean" said Jay "You that thing you always wanted to do with Jasmine
but never achieved, and have not in fact done more than twice in
your life?"
"Bungee jump?!"
"SEX DEAN!!!"
"Ohhh....HEY! I've had it more than twice! 2 and a half for your
information!"
Jay at first thought Dean was joking, but soon realised he was in
fact deadly serious.
"well......." he continued "She does it...in front of
cameras.....for money"
"Why?!"
"SHES A SMEGGING PORN STAR YOU BONER!"
Phil tried to make himself as small as possible in the lounge
"Phil...is this true? Your mother is a...a..."
"Adult Entertainer, and please call me Cherie" finished Cherie.
"Yes..it is...Now you know why i didnt want you guys to know about
my family"
Dean stood in front of Phil
"Are you kiding? We're more pissed off with the fact you DIDNT tell
us!"
Phil stood up.."Well at least it not that bad..."
"Yes, your father could be home as well.."
"Your father?!" Jay said "Who's he Peter Stringfellow?!" Jay
asked "Can;t be any worse than my father-in-law....." he said
trailing off
"Your married?!" Phils mum asked "Now that IS a shame..."
"Er...yeah...heh heh!" Jay said, nervously
Right on cue the front door banged open.
"Oh smeg ...he is home now..Guys there something I have to tell
you...it's very very important...About 10 years ago my dad had
some plastic surgery. He now looks like, well, you know i told he
changed his professional name to something else..well*gulp*...
he now looks like the 20th century professional bastard...Simon
Cowel"
"Phil......" said Jay "I've faced the Hymenoptera, space pirates,
aganoids, GELFS, Mini-You, Doctor Cerebrum and several evil versions
of you, me and the crew but nothing NOTHING could be as bad as what
you just said..."
He thought for a second "Well....maybe Cerebrum"
"I think i just soiled meself" said Dean
The door opened and in walked Phil's father..Simon
"Odin's nipples...has someone shat themselves?" he excalimed..."And
who the buggeration are these people?", he said waving towards the
dynmaic trio before him.
"Um...Hi Dad!" said Phil
"Phillip?!" asked Simon "You look like youve been shrunk in a tumble
drier and beaten your face against the side on every spin"
"gee thanks....these are my friends, Dean, and Jay theyre pilots on
my ship.."
"Pilots?" he said "I've seen people with white sticks who look more
convincing as pilots"
He sat down and pulled out his paper. "Well your here now...What you
want? Cash? Remember what happened last time?"
"Hello to you as well father. Basically I'm in a bit of trouble and
need a DNA sample from each of you..."
"What the flying fudge for?"
"Well...so i can go back to being normal...well normall for me..."
"Ohh i think we can arange that," said Cherie standing very close to
Jay...VERY close.
"Leave that idiot alone Cherie" simon said "You dont know where he's
been, though one would assume backwards through a hedge....."
"I'll get the needle shall I Phil?" Jay asked
"Needle? what needle?!"
"That we need to extract the DNA sample.." said Phil "Though a hair
follicle would do Jay"
"I know!" replied the pilot "I'd just REALLY like to use a VERY VERY
big needle....." he narrowed his eyes in Simons dierction as he said
this.
"Piss off are you using a neddle on me.."
Cherie had allready handed over a lock of her hair to Dean, who was
blushing like mad and trying very hard(and failing) NOT to look down
her top.
"Da...if you dont give Jay a sample...I'll show those pics of what
you looked like BEFORE the surgery."
"You woudn't dare..."
Phil just smiled
"Yes you would.." Simon actualy smiled. "See..i knew you'd make me
proud one day..."