"The NEW seymour"

<ominous snip>
"Okay, now if you buy this one you get 50 percent off up to 2 other
personalities" the doctor droned on.
"Is it safe to mix personalities? I don't want to end up
schizophrenic or anything."
"Perfectly safe." Said the doctor. "the personalities all blend
together to make you the coolest….'dude' ever."
"Jolly good!" Said Seymour excitedly leaning back in the doctors
chair. "I'll be a …'dude'!"
<end snip>
Where: Ambassadors Reception, Switzerland
Who: Seymour Niples
When: A week after Seymour's operation
The Ambassadors reception is notorious in society for its good
taste, intelligent company, and excellent cuisine. It was a social
event for Ambassadors of countries, stats, planets, rich moons, and
rich businessmen to discuss important matters of state, pass
intelligent and witty conversation, and generally have a good meal
and enjoy fine wine.
This particular Ambassadors reception was held in Switzerland in a
majestic old-fashioned log cabin, looking like a massive snow
covered gingerbread house from the outside. Of course all the posh
people and snobs of society were there, swanking around in their
best and most expensive suits, or prestigious ball gowns for the
ladies. Prestigious ball gown wearers of male persuasion were
unfortunately turned away at the door.
All Ambassadors were invited, especially the British Royal
Ambassador, Seymour Niples. The Belgian Ambassador looked around for
Seymour and asked someone close to him "Have you seen the old boy
Seymour? I'd like a good old chin wag with the dear fellow!"
"No, terribly sorry my kind sir, I think he is a bit tardy this
evening…"
With that the large window above the grand staircase shattered and
someone flew through wearing skiing goggles and a snowboard attached
to his feet. He landed and removed his ski coat to reveal a suit-
jacket like Seymour would usually wear, but with a bright coloured
surf T-shirt underneath. His hair was all ruffled.
"Seymour, my god, is that you?!" said the Belgian Ambassador.
"The name's Niples…. Seymour Niples." He said overdramatically.
"What in gods name have you done to my 16th century stained glass
window?!" Whined the Swiss Ambassador.
Seymour ignored him and saw the Belgiam Ambassador. "Dude! Belgy my
old rapscallion, hows it hanging matey?"
He walked over to the Belgian and shook his hand in some kind of
groovy handshake that left the Belgian not quite knowing what just
happened to his hand.
"You should have seen those slopes man," continued Seymour. "The
curves were great! I've only learned today, I cant believe I've been
missing out on something this great for so long! I was riding a bit
kak at first, but all you have to do is shift your weight over your-
oh thanks" Seymour took a glass from a passing waiter and downed it
instantly.
"Sir!" Said the waiter astonished. "That wine was 79 years old!"
"Great year!" Said Seymour downing another.
"No Sir, I meant it should be sipped!"
"Don't worry, I'm enjoying it all the same!" He said, looking
around. "Why is everyone looking at me? Bunch of squares! Lets get
this party started!"
With a single swipe, he turned the sound system to funky house music
then he jumped on the table and started dancing.
"Seymour have you gone mad? Is this some kind of midlife crisis?"
"Nah, I'm fine man! I just had a bit of surgery done to make me
understand the youth of today… be less of a boring stiff!"
Someone turned the music back to a melodious Beethoven concerto and
Seymour got down. He noticed the buffet table with all kinds of posh
nibbles on. "I wonder if I could pull this tablecloth off without
moving the objects on top…"
"Seymour, NO!"
But it was too late, Seymour grabbed the table cloth and pulled
sharply trying to whip it out from underneath the food on top. Food
flew everywhere, stuffing balls exploded on peoples heads, cream
cakes got in peoples hair, and more than one woman in the room got a
dollop of wet caviar down their cleavage.
"Oh terribly sorry people, I'll practise on that!" without a pause
Seymours eyes had turned to the silver platter on another table
which held a giant roast turkey. He pulled it out from underneath
the turkey, causing it to roll on someones foot.
"I wonder if I could snowboard on this, it's a perfect shape, look
at the shiny polished botton, even a kicktail at the back where this
mint sauce is."
He poured the mint sauce into someone's brandy glass.
Without much warning, Seymour had opened the door, stood on the
silver plate and slid off down the snow covered slopes. Only turning
backto shout, "Look at me, Look at me! Isn't this cool?!"
Everyone watched him go through the windows. "What on earth happened
to Seymour, has he gone mad? He'll probably kill himself!"
"well it IS an improvement, Seymour was a bit of a bore!"
"Here here!" came a cheer.
On the slope, Seymour turned sharply to avoid an array of pine
trees. "Woohoo!" he shouted to himself excitedly. This new
personality of his liked danger, and although he was scared he
really just couldn't stop himself.
Rather suddenly, the ground beneath him disappeared and he realised
he'd just snowboarded off a very steep cliff. In the evening
twilight, Seymour couldn't see anything beneath him.
"Oh this IS exciting!" he said, but not quite knowing why he said
it. He was falling to his death but the new Seymour felt excited…
but the old Seymour inside him was whimpering like a girl.
He fell for a good few seconds, then landed on something hard. He
looked around and realised he'd fallen directly into a Starbug's
escape hatch. He excitedly ran into the cockpit where Efof turned
around.
"Man did you see that manouver?! I was ripping it down the slope,
then did the best jump ever!"
Efof turned around and sighed. "Look, just because I'm a navigation
officer, it doesn't mean that I have to fly you everywhere?"
"Yes it does!" Said Seymour relentlessly. "Anyway, that was some
good piloting, you were just in the right place at the right time,
well done dude!" Seymour punched Efof in a friendly way on the
shoulder leaving Efof stunned. A compliment from Seymour? Something
really wasn't right.
Efof shook it off. "Well I was already in the air, I was worried I
might get attacked by polar bears if I landed!"
"This is Switzerland Efof!!!"
"Well I don't know do I?" He tuened back to the controls. "So where
to now?" he sighed.
"Drop me off at K2, I have another appointment with danger!"