NOW how much would you pay?

Stewie's
Zack Richards sprinted through Women's Wear, weaving through the
nightgowns and brassieres. Behind him were flashes of dozens of
cameras as the Japanese tourists relentlessly pursued him. Only
their incessant photographing of every dust molecule that stirred
kept them from overtaking the terrified time-refugee-turned-sales-
clerk.
Cubie materialized in front of him, gliding in the air in front
of him. "Zack? What's going on?"
"Japanese tourists!" he hissed between clenched teeth. "They're
everywhere!"
She looked back over his shoulder. "Oh, them. I've got it
taken care of." She stopped gliding and stepped down onto the floor."
Zack slowed and smiled. He'd always wanted to see someone beat
the daylights out of a mob of tourists.
Her flightsuit shimmered and was replaced by a VERY revealing
teddy. She smiled alluringly at the tourists as they rounded the
shoe racks.
They stopped dead.
As one they slowly raised their cameras and began snapping shots.
She turned and winked at Zack over her shoulder. "I'll keep 'em
busy - you go get help."
Zack nodded. "Yeah . . . right!" Turning, he jogged away, at
once pleased Cubie had saved him from his worst nightmare, and
disturbed by the manner in which she was doing it.
Other customers were coming into the store, and Zack found that
things were still far from right. The old man on the coveralls
walked up to him, smelling of animal dung. "Pardon me, young
feller. Where can I get about eight hundred thousand nails and six
thousand gallons of sealant?"
Zack stepped back to get some distance between him and the
aromatic old man. "Back that way in Hardware, sir. Home improvement
project?"
"No, just something God told me to make." With a nod, the old
man headed off in the direction Zack had gestured.
A massive hand on the shoulder whipped him around. He stared up
at a heaving giant of a man in ancient armor. He couldn't help
noticing the huge knot on the giant's forehead. "The-the pharmacy is
that way."
"Pharmacy?!" roared the giant. "I think not! I want a goalie
mask!!"
Zack cringed under the titanic bad breath of the giant. "Oh,
then you'd need Sporting Goods back that way."
The giant turned and stomped off.
"Repent!"
Zack looked to his left, where a bizarre man stood. "What?"
"Repent!"
Zack reeled from the stench. This guy smelled worse than the
old handyman and the giant combined. His skin and robes were
bleached white, and the robes were in tatters. Several fronds of
seaweed were draped over his shoulders.
"Repent of what?"
"The markup on these shoes. Blasphemous!"
Zack examined the offending rack. For some reason the shoes
were all left feet, and they were made out of some form of reptile
hide. The price tags shimmered, but he could just make out the price.
~Whew! That IS steep!~
"Suppose I offer you a discount on the second pair?"
But he was speaking to air, as the man had gone. Sadly, the
stench remained.
Zack rubbed his temples. This was a heck of a first day on the
job. The only thing that hadn't gone wrong was -
"Freeze, Richards!!"
He looked up into the glowing barrel of Blotz's autocannon.
~It figures.~
Oddly enough, Blotz had two heads, and both of them were still
shouting at him to freeze, despite the fact that he hadn't moved a
muscle. He considered breathing, but decided against it and simply
passed out.
<If any of you Ointment distributors are headed for McKenzie's, shoot
everybody!>