Niples- "The departure of Mrs Niples"

Who: Seymour Niples
Where: Keats and Jack's quarters
When: Late at night
Seymour slept peacefully in what used to be Jack's bed. Both Keats
and Jack had slept elsewhere, Seymour having annoyed them so much.
Which suited Niples, as he liked to have everything his way anyway.
A gentle knocking on the door made him stir. Then a loud thumping
made him turn over suddenly and fall out of bed. He looked around,
disorientated. He looked up to where the picture of Queen Britany
used to be, then frowned as he remembered that Jack swapped the nice
oil painting version for a slutty nude FHM picture of her. After Jack
left, seymour had covered up the Queen's 'naught bits' by drawing a
ballgown on her in felt tip pen to make her look a lot more dignified.
He went to open the door.
"Darling!" Came a cry from the dimness of the corridor and Seymour
felt two large hairy arms pull him towards a big slobbering pair of
unshaven lips. Almost his entire face was envelloped in these lips,
he could feel some slippy lipgloss, but it didnt make the experience
any more pleasant. It was his wife.
"Alone at last, I thought I had lost you!" she said happily.
"So did I dammit!" He said under his breath. "I mean, oh what a shame
that would have been dear!"
"So Seymour do you want to consumate our marriage now? So we can live
together as man and wife, have babies and a family, grow old
together..."
"Oh, that sounds.....lovely" Seymour spat the words out.
The 'woman' snogged him again. Seymour pulled away to gag as
discretely and politely as he could. He got a hankerchief out of his
silk pyjamas pocket and wiped the slobber from his face.
She tried to embrace him again and he pulled away. "Not here
though....darling" he said. It is customary for Humans to go
somewhere romantic...."
He lead her down the hall and waited outide an escape pod. "In
here...erm...my darling... go outside and I will be back with some
erm...babyoil!"
Helga climbed in and waited.
"Romantic?" She called outside. "Theres not even any candles! Where
have you gone darling? I even shaved my feet for you today!"
Suddenly the door slammed shut and Helga felt herself flying away
from the BlueDwarf at high speed.
Left in the hallway Seymour stood with his back to the wall, he
sighed with relief then slipped to the ground and cradled his
head. "What have I done! I am a horrible person! She could die! I
should be put in prison immediately for murder, let everyone know-
arrest me for I am a merciless killer and I deserve to be flogged
within an inch of my life!!!"
Two security guards doing their rounds walked past at that
moment. "Everything alright Mr ambassador?"
Seymour suddenly changed his tone. "Yes everything's fine officers!"
he said and quickly ambled back to his quarters.
<That gets rid of that problem!>