Niples- "On my order- attack! Oh I'm too late?"

Who: Seymour Niples
When: While the battle for BD is taking place (Backpost)
Where: Gelf planet
Seymour looked around for a ship to travel in. As expected, Seymour
hunted around for a ship worthy of his prescence, a great flagship
where he could lead the fleet with his king-like leadership.
Unfortunately all the good ships had gone so he headed for a Dr Who
Tardis.
Expecting to open the door to see a huge inside, as famed in Dr Who
episodes, Seymour was very annoyed to realise that because this is
only a replica, it was no bigger than it looked on the outside.
Seymour took out his mobile and contacted the fleet. "Okay
everybody, on my order- attack!!"
Efof's voice came back. "Too late, they've already gone and
attacking!"
Seymour grumbled and went inside the Tardis, sealing the door for
space travel. Efof flew past in a fibreglass Whitestar from Babylon
5 and tugged the Tardis into space on a tow rope.
**Flight Deck**
After a few hours of being thrown about in space, a very nauseous
Ambassador Niples felt the Tardis touch down. He cautiously peered
out of the Police box. He looked around and saw cobwebs and slime
covered walls, dead spiders covering the floor surrounded by pools
of thick green Hymenoptera blood.
"Good grief, I've died and gone to Hymenoptera hell!" He said and
shut himself back inside the Police Box. Seconds later Efof gingerly
opened the door to find a cowering Royal Ambassador.
Seymour looked up, and suddenly all embarrassed defended himself. "I
was assuming the crash position, you're flying was jolly rough!"
"Sorry, things were shooting at me!" Efof said, then mimed an
accurate rendition of the battle with his hands, with `pow pow'
noises. "This one that looked like a dragonfly just exploded right
in front of me" He then showed Seymour the slime covering his half
melted ship. "It was good to get a few of them back for wiping out
my planet- whazoom, nyoooum, pow pow pow!"
Seymour wasn't interested and looked around. The Hymenoptera had
made big differences to the ship, empty chrysalis' and cobwebs lined
the walls, as well as various new pipes or veins that had been
added, possibly to carry nutrients around the ship.
"So have we got rid of all the aliens?" Seymour asked. Efof looked
at a scanner.
"No, it looks like the ship is swarming with homo sapiens! Quick,
escape!"
"That's us you alien goit!" Seymour said.
"Oh, sorry." Said Efof. "I should have guessed, I've heard people
calling you a homo before."
"What?! Oh never mind- so are there any Hymenoptera left?"
"Just a few but they're being taken care of… APART FROM THAT ONE
DUCK!"
Seymour hit the deck and Efof blasted upwards. The flight deck was
plunged into darkness.
"Oops sorry, that was just a spider on the spotlight."
"Imbecile!"
**Seymour's Ambassadorial Quarters**
The door to Seymour's Quarters opened awkwardly, stopping halfway as
the electricity failed. He struggled to force the door open, in the
end he had to let a passing short female ensign open them for him.
"This place is a tip!" He shouted. He looked around. The Hymenoptera
had pushed all his furniture over, eaten part of it, and spun
cobwebs all around the walls. He ventured further into the room,
picking up his half devoured potted plants and putting them neatly
where they used to be, despite dripping with green slime.
He stepped over a dead spider. "Good lord, how untidy are these
species!"
Seymour stopped in his tracks as he saw something past his chez
lounge and coffee table.
Three spherical objects sat on his doily collection. "Alien eggs!!"
He said, urgently getting out his mobile phone. "Hello, security?
Anyone? Dammit, bloody mobile signal."
He decided to take care of the problem himself. The eggs could hatch
at any time. He picked up a nearby lamp and started beating the
spheres. After a manic beating, Seymour backed away from the eggs,
liquid goo covering his face. The eggs collapsed under their own
weight and erupted a big cloud of stenching gas.
At that moment some technicians opened his door and entered. "Oi, be
careful over there mister, we found some big balls of spider
excrement, for the love of god don't touch it- Benny touched some on
B-Deck and still can't get the stench off after 5 washes."
"Excrement?" Seymour looked at the gunk on his hands and his face.
He spat a bit out that just dripped into his mouth. "Excrement?
EXCREMENT!!!"
The technicians looked at him. The gunk on him started to steam.
Seymour held his hands as far away from his body and desperately
tried to find something to wipe them with. He ran to the shower,
which only gunked more slime on his face. He screamed and ran all
around his quarters looking for something clean, the technicians
stared at him as he ran into a cobweb and tied himself up.
"Okay…. we'll be going now…" Said the technicians, leaving him. "If
I were you, I wouldn't stay here tonight. A lot of quarters are
badly damaged so some people are thinking of bunking up. It'll save
space and energy, something that at the moment we don't have too
much of. You might want to think about that." They left, Seymour
struggled out of the big cobweb.
"Nonsense, this is my home….." he said to himself, walking into his
master bedroom. He pulled the curtains open on his 4-poster bed,
where Hymenoptera was busy chewing on his pillowcase. It looked at
him and screeched.
"Typical… I finally get rid of the missus, and theres someone else
wanting to share my bed!"
Seymour quickly backed away and grabbed a sleeping bag and
toothbrush, slamming the door in the aliens face as it pounced on
him. As much as he hated the idea, he needed to find a new flatmate
for a while. Hopefully not one too common.