[JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Lt. Jason Smegg - "Battling the dumbots" + Frank H

(This is this a try to make some sense of Smegg's 'Battling the dumbots')
Day six
Lt. Jason Smegg
Chief Engineer, JMC Blue Dwarf
His quarters, 0400 hours
snxxx
snxxx
knock
snxxx?
knock knock wham!
The door burst open and Lt. Jason Smegg woke up.
"Huh? What do you want?"
There was no reply.
Because the "person" who had somehow managed to bash down the door was in
fact four spherical floating robots.
The robots, having rammed the door down, now commenced firing green bolts
at Lt. Smegg.
Lt. Smegg cowered under his covers.
All the bolts missed.
Then Dr. Robotnik entered the room.
"You dumb orbitnauts!" he yelled, in a gruff voice with a vague accent
Lt. Smegg couldn't quite place. "You're supposed to HIT him!"
The orbitnauts beeped and fired again.
Again they missed.
Lt. Smegg peeked out of the covers and saw Dr. Robotnik.
"Oh, good, it's only a dream," he thought.
The lieutenant closed his eyes really tight, his usual method for getting
out of dreams.
It didn't work.
"Dr. Robotnik?" he asked.
Dr. Robotnik said, "Who?"
"Dr. Robotnik," Lt. Smegg repeated. "You, Dr. Robotnik. What are you
doing here?"
"I'm not Dr. Robotnik," said Dr. Robotnik.
"Then who are you?" asked Lt. Smegg.
"I'm a mercenary. And I'm here to kill you. Because you know too much."
said the mercenary formerly known as Dr. Robotnik. "Orbitnauts, enter
hyper mode!"
The four orbitnauts started to hum, then moved really really fast toward
Lt. Smegg.
Thinking what they had done to the door, Lt. Smegg, by this time
reasonably awake, rolled off the bed onto the floor.
The orbitnauts crashed into the wall behind Lt. Smegg, making four very
loud noises.
But they were still operational.
Lt. Smegg, seeing the orbitnauts recollect themselves, hid under the bed
and began frantically searching around in the mess there.
"I know it's in here somewhere!" he muttered.
As the orbitnauts above him began to head for the space under the bed
(having been directed so by the mercenary), just in the nick of time Lt.
Smegg found what he was looking for.
His pet Pluto mechanoid trap.
One of the deadliest plants known to robotkind.
Harmless to humans and other organic life-forms, the Pluto mechanoid trap
has an insatiable appetite for silicon.
Lt. Smegg held the plant out in front of him.
The first orbitnaut was gobbled up by the mechanoid trap.
Then the second.
Then the third.
Then the fourth.
Finally the mercenary himself came toward the bed.
Also finally, Lt. Smegg got the idea in his head to call security.
He pulled out his intercom.
"Lt. Smegg to Major Harris! Intruder alert in my quarters!"
He got the automated voicemail system.
"Major Harris is not available at this moment. If you'd like to leave a
message regarding an intruder alert, press 1. If you'd - "
Lt. Smegg pressed 1.
"If the intruder is in decks 1-10, press 0. If the intruder is in decks
11-20, press 1. If the intruder is - "
Then Major Harris came on.
"Yeah kid, whaddaya want?"
"I've got a freaking mercenary in my quarters and he sent four robots
after me and now he's trying to squeeze his big fat butt under my bed!"
"There's someone with a bigger butt than yours on board, Smegg? I don't
believe _that_ story!"
The mercenary squeezed in further as Lt. Smegg squeezed all the way into
the corner...
Security Office
0405 hours
Bloody engineering staff, Harris throught to himself and then he called. "Jill."
Jill's image appeared on screen. Harris throught it better to keep Jill in the mainframe full-time so that if anything odd was going on he would know about it. Then Jill commented. "Early morning Dave."
"You try sleeping on a broken arm." Harris snarled at Jill and then he ordered. "Run a scan of Lt. Smegg's quarters."
"I am detecting two life forms in Lt. Smegg's quarters." Jill reported.
"If what Fatboy reported was right there should a automated disrupter turret hidden in his quarter's." Harris told Jill. "See if you can active it."
"Will do." Jill responded.
Lt. Smegg's quarter's
The mercenary grabbed Smegg by the leg and tried to drag him out from under the bed when this female voice cried out. "Oh you, arsehole!"
The mercenary looked around and then noticed this turret that had appeared in the ceiling and was aimed at him.
"Ah shi…" The mercenary managed before the turret fired.
Holding cells
0500 hours
The mercenary looked around. Well there was nothing else he could do, having came round to find himself handcuffed to a chair in a holding cell with a man with his left arm in a sling and two other security officers who were dressed in dressing robes and fluffy slippers.
The man with a sling slammed his good hand against the table in front of the mercenary and snarled. "What are you doing here!?"
"You think I am going to tell you copper!" The mercenary snapped. "Get stuffed!"
The other two security officers began to back away from man with the sling who now had a evil glint in his eye.
In an act of cowardice he blurted. "Alright, alright. I came here to kill that Lt. Smegg. I was acting alone without the permission of my boss!"
The man with a sling then turned to the security officers and ordered. "Take him to be processed. Looks like the brig is about to get its' first prisoner."
"Oh, man." The mercenary moaned as he was carted off by the two security guards.
Unknown location
Unknown time
Alan Farri and the JMC officer entered the room expecting to see the rough looking mercenary sitting at the table puffing away with a cigar between his teeth, but what they saw was that the table was gone and a woman stood in the centre of the room with her hands held behind her back. Her long dark hair was fastened back and wore a black bandanna on the top of her head. She wore a long black coat that added an air of menace to the woman.
"I'm sorry." Farri told the woman. "I must have the wrong room."
"No you don't." The woman told the two. "I am one of the partners you have dealings with."
"So where is…" The officer asked.
"My boss is otherwise occupied at the moment." She answered.
"Then I trust the job has been completed." The officer said.
"I'm afraid not, gentlemen." She answered. "We have a rule. We fail the first time then we try again. But if we are to fail a second time the job is considered to be a waste of time and resources!"
"You failed again!" Farri snapped.
"There were too many factors in consideration." The woman answered. "We could not foresee what was to happen. So we have dropped his job for another."
"You…" The officer started.
"Actually gentlemen, this job involves bring in the head of the Clarkson Brethren and one of a number of escaped mental patients." She leapt in.
The two began to panic and was about to leave when they heard guns being cocked behind them.
"Dead or alive." She said. "You choice gentlemen."