Arrr, missiles!

Who: Seymour Niples, with a hint of Jack FeBuggure.
Where: Promenade, ‘Le Niples Royale’ Restaurant.
When: After the pirates come aboard.
Seymour locked up his mega posh restaurant for the night, it was so posh
that he had turned away all customers and was left with nobody to serve so
he decided to go home.
Walking down the promenade, he heard a commotion from ahead and suddenly a
chair smashed through Parrotts’ wondow. Unfortunately this was absolutely
normal so didn’t even make the Royal Ambassador blink. What did suddenly
make alarm bells ring in his head was the next thing he saw was a man
dressed as an 80’s TV space Pirate chasing a BD crewmember with a laser
cutless.
Seymour suddenly thought he was James Bond and backed up against the wall in
the shadows. He glanced at his watch then remembered he didn’t have any spy
gadgets at all, not even a calculator- bloody expensive watch. The more they
cost, the fewer features they seem to have.
He backed into the Promenade public toilets to formulate a plan. Firstly
though he gagged at the smell and desperately tried to touch as little as
possible, public toilets were not the Ambassadors forte.
He got out his mobile phone and rang up to the Drive Room. “Captain Alota?
Efof? Even bloody Jack will do! We have intruders onboard, nasty ones with
weapons and dirty feet making a mess. Anyone? Damn, they’re jamming
signals.”
He looked around And saw a ventilation plate above one of the toilets, he
knew that it must lead to an engineering deck with an emergency phone.
Gingerly Seymour stood on the toilet, making firstly sure that he covered
the lid with paper towel to keep his shoes clean.
He pulled himself up into a ventilation shaft above. Seymour squeezed his
eyes shut, expecting a sight worse than the toilets. Everywhere on the Dwarf
was normally filthy, as it was a huge ship where many places were left to
rust and collect dust. But as he opened his eyes it wasn’t that bad,
although there was a rat stood right in front of him. He screamed and the
rat screeched right back, almost in his face.
The Ambassador took off his shoe and was ready to throw it at his obstacle.
“This is a very expensive shoe, shall I or not….” He threw the shoe and the
rat ran off screaching. “Jolly good!” He praised himself.
Then the rat came back and defecated in the shoe before running off with a
snigger.
“Noooooooooooo!” Seymour cursed on his hands and knees.
A short crawl later, Seymour dropped down into a storage deck. Tanks and
containers were crammed around him, pipes lead everywhere. He cautiously
found his way around a few huge tanks of various types of lager. By the
Carling tank he stopped and saw someone ahead, he was about to greet the
person when he realised the person’s shabby attire was slightly different to
the normal shabby attire of the Blue Dwarf crew.
A pirate was pumping beer from the tank via a large hose which trailed off
to an airlock. Seymour could see through a far-off window that it pumped the
beer outside directly to the pirates ship, a beefed up solar-sail ship.
By the Carling tank Seymour found an emergency phone.
“Hello is there anybody there?!”
After a long pause he could hear. “Erm hello?…..”
“Jolly good, now you’re not a pirate are you?” Seymour asked.
“No, its me- Jack.”
“Bloody hell, the self absorbed guy with the sword? Oh I mean alright good,
listen the ship is being taken over by pirates.”
“Yeah I know I’ve been fighting them off with my sword, its fantastic, I’ve
been fighting them back.”
“Okay listen, their ship is parked outside, god knows how nobody spotted it,
its huge- the Drive Room operations are useless I tell you, it wasn’t this
lax when I was in charge I tell yo-”
“you're telling me this because?”
“Well their ship is directly to port…. That’s left remember. We need to
strike back, but I’m not sure how.”
“We have external weapons right? If not we could use the GUN™” said jack
enthusiastically, and expertly pronouncing the trademark symbol.
“Actually, we have an external missile launcher. If was fitted after our
first encounter with the Hymenoptera, and ex-Captain Cannon stole some
warheads from it to try and blow up some GELF’s who killed his family
remember?”
The phone was silent. “I think that was before I came aboard.” Said Jack.
“Well anyway, the dept is a bit underused- it is controlled from a separate
control room on B-Deck, but after Cannon stole warheads from it we lost
funding for it so it was barely used. So the place might be a bit of a tip.”
“Okay ummm, c ya there?” Said Jack, dreaming of fighting his way past the
plunderers.
“Jolly good, if it is a tip I might bring some polish, damp cloths and
bin-bags if that’s alright”
“Erm… thats nice!” Said Jack and hung up.
"No it's not, it'll be dusty and horrible!" Seymour retorted, although there
was no-one at the other end to hear it.
"oh." he said, noticing this problem, and set off to B-deck.
This post bruoght to you by Dave ball (seymour) and Andy Jones (Jack)
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