First day

A scream that rattled the whole ship was emitting from Phil FeBuggure
 "But Mr FeBuggure I haven't even touched the fork yet" Phil whimpered and indicated that he was suffering from a pain in his hand. Tara sat down next to him and said  "Think of something that is not painful, a happy thought whist I just pull this fork out" FeBuggure visibly shrunk into the corner of the room and waited as his life flashed before his eyes convinced he was going to die. It was said that the noise that came from FeBuggure was heard on Earth.
"Now don't you feel better?" said Tara as she finished putting the last bit of tape on the bandage the size a boxing glove that now occupied FeBuggures hand he nodded but really he meant no and God she's gorgeous. Tara showed Phil to the door where they were promptly sprayed by a big pink tree with a gooey green substance. The big pink tree turned around and saw his own deadly life destroying liquid in front of his face (if he had one). Dr Keto said a few words and started to squeeze the spray bottles trigger then stopped. Will Dr Keto kill the heroic tree?
Will any one like this story?
Will Phil ever recover?
What did Tara do with the fork?
Will any of these questions ever be answered?
Find out soon in the next episode of....
BLUE DWARF
(to Red Dwarf theme music)
There's space outside
To much to cover
Where the hell is Red Dwarf
Is this some cheap substitute
For the good TV programme
For the good TV programme......
if any one can think of a better tune lets hear it. Answers on a post card to the usual address...