RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Condimentary Medicine

<snip>
"Let's get *splutter* to work," wheezed Keto, scraping up the mess
and returning to his reactant kits, "I'll
make *cough* some more.  Cleavage, you can help me.  Chrysler..."  "Yes?"  "Open that door again, would
you?"  "Smeg off."
 
<end snip>
 
“Come on!!” Jack complained getting impatient, “I wanna
go kill something….” He said in a whiny tone.
“PATIENCE!” Keto scolded “You
security fools are all the same, I need to test the ointment first! I want to
make sure it kills only the clones and doesn’t eat away the flesh of
normal people who can pay me handsomely for my efforts, Chrysler some stick
your finger in it..”
Jay gave Keto his middle finger.
“No Mr Chrysler, I need it in the ointment, not raised upwar….Oh..”
“You seriously think I’m stupid enough to insert my finger
in a batch of untested ointment to see if it eats my finger or not!?”
“untested Mr Chrysler, that’s precisely my point I need to
test it somehow!”
“Find another guinea pig!”
“Hmm..and to think you’re wife always describes you as ‘fun’…”
“For smegs sake..” said Tara “You wanna know
if it effects the donor DNA or the cloned DNA right?!”
“Right”
Tara sighed, and walked over to Jay, who she put in a
headlock and yanked a handful of hair from his head.
“OW!” Jay yelled “Hey.,..give that back…”
“Heh…” Jack muttered “You got beat up by a girl….”
“Whats THAT supposed to mean?!” Tara said approaching Jack
“Just…that…um…”
Tara smiled sweetly, then quick as a flash her right knee
found its way high up into Jack’s crotch, Jack, remained silent, just
slowly lowered his hands to his groin and collapsed onto the floor.
“It don’t matter how hard Phoenix Fire makes ya!”
said Jay “A quick blow to the happy sacks and your as useless as Dean Thomas
with a hangover!” Jay thought about this comment for a second, “Or
without for that matter…” he said remembering that Dean as probably
even more of a goon when he was sober.
“It’s safe…for us at least” Keto said, removing his
safety goggles, “Now all we need is to get to the clones….”
 
<open distribution channels people!>
 
 
-----Original
Message-----From: lucky_coincidence
[mailto:lucky@...] Sent: 04
March 2004 17:00To: JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.comSubject: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf]
Condimentary Medicine
 
Who: Jay, Tara, KetoWhere: Psychiatric OfficesWhen: But what, truly, IS time?===============================<<SNIP>>> "he gave his life for us, now thats a
hero...> we've got to go, theres no time left"
said Jay,> mourning for his friend and colleague as they
> dropped down into the psychiatric offices,> which hadn't been touched yet... strangely.<<END SNIP>>  Very distant sounds of ensuing carnage
echoed down the air vents.  "My medibay!" whimpered Keto,
"It's going to be decimated!  Deconstructed!  Destroyed!"  "As we probably will be too, if you
don't get a smegging move on and make a counter-ointment!" snapped Jay,
pointing at the ointment that Tara had picked out, which Keto was still
clinging on to...along with the jar of mustard, "And will you drop
that damn thing?"  "No.  It's mine," sniffed
Keto, heading over to a desk.  Jay winced unexpectedly, not quite knowing why, then
followed, glancing nervously at the door.  "Does anybody else think it's weird
that this place is completely untouched?" asked Tara as they stood by the
desk, Keto taking ointment samples with a small chemical testing kit
that he removed from inside his coat, "As in, completely
untouched?  As if no clones have ever been in here?"  "No," replied Keto, not even
turning around, "These are Cerebrum's offices.  No clones in their right mind would
come in here.  Or clones in their wrong mind, in fact.  It's
quite a worrying fact that WE'RE here, if you must know!"  "But where's Cerebrum?" frowned
Jay, wandering slightly and peering behind the furniture carefully, "Shouldn't he
be here?  And if he's not, then why would the clones avoid this
place?  Surely Cerebrum's the scariest thing in here, right?"  "Not with you here," muttered
Keto under his breath.  As he mixed a few reactants on the desk, they began to smoke,
giving off a nasty sulphurous stench, "Hmm..."  "They haven't even tried to break
through the door," pointed out Jay, tapping it experimentally.  The metal
didn't even echo, "How thick ARE these doors?"  "Cerebrum can turn his offices into a
spacecraft, remember?" pointed out Tara, looking worriedly at
Keto as the smoking patch on the desk grew larger, "They're probably as
thick as an airlock."  "Pfft, not a patch on the Phoenix," sniffed Jay,
tapping the panel next to the door carelessly, "Look, there's
not even any security codes on these things.  You can open them no
problem."  Keto suddenly jumped bolt upright, spinning
around, "CEREBRUM WITH NO SECURITY CODES!?  IT'S A TRAP!  GET
DOWN!"  All three of them dropped to the floor
seconds before six ceiling panels fell to the ground, revealing giant meson
cannons that burned a line in the wall just above groin height, before
retracting once again.  The trio stood up, Jay somewhat
shakily.  The meson cannons had fried a couple of his hairs, inches away from
actually lobotomising him.  "Spectacular," spat Keto,
"Chrysler, that was a monumentally stupid thing to do!  If you weren't so careless,
perhaps things wouldn't be in quite such bad shape around here!" 
With that, he stood up, knocking over the jar of mustard on the
still-smoking desk.  "I..." began Jay, but was interrupted
as suddenly the entire desk gave off a shrieking whine, causing all three to
instinctively drop to the floor again.  The desk shook, raised
about three inches off the floor, then instantly turned to ash while
giving off a wave of heat that singed Keto's eyebrows.  The ash
fell to the floor, covering him and Tara, who immediately began
coughing.  "You were saying I was careless,
doc?" asked Jay from across the room beside the door, raising an eyebrow. 
Keto glared at him.  "I think *cough* we've found the
counter-ointment," managed Tara, indicating the combination of mustard and ointment
reactants now spilled on the floor.  "Let's get *splutter* to work,"
wheezed Keto, scraping up the mess and returning to his reactant kits, "I'll make
*cough* some more.  Cleavage, you can help me.  Chrysler..."  "Yes?"  "Open that door again, would
you?"  "Smeg off."================OOC: Tag people.  :)...Protecting
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