Getting in touch with your inner psychopath

OOC - I'm introducing my first NPC, Technician Elian Sandoval, in this post.
 
<snip>Her aim was spot on, and Dean's head smacked straight into EP's feet, knocking him to the ground."I KNEW throwing things at Jay every day would come in handy" Alota mused, as she lowered her sunglasses and shot a wraith off his horse with her power, Jay shook his head and got back in the air. "OK!" He shouted "NOW I'M PISSED!""Is that the American sense or the British sense of the word?" asked EP."What, why?" asked Jay, caught off guard."One means angry, and one means completely inebriated." chipped in Dean usefully from his position in the weeds next to EP's feet. EP suddenly leapt at Jay, but missed, and landed in the grass."Well, you're the latter." said Jay, "but I'm distinctly the former!" he yelled, shooting a fireball at EP.<end snip>
 
Evil Phil ducked at the last second, and the fireball went over his head and into the castle wall, where it exploded quite nicely indeed, creating a smoking hole where the main hallway broom closet had been.
 
It also nearly sent Mark McJohn plummeting to his death. But he managed to fling himself through an open window, and ended up falling fifteen feet to the hard stone floor. As his eyes began to focus, he could make out cabinets full of gleaning dark metal objects.  They soon resolved themselves into sleek 20th Century automatic weapons.
 
He'd landed in the castle arsenal.
 
Picking himself up, he looked around.  There were boxes of ammuntion, stacks of magazines, and crates of demolition charges.  Then he saw the cabinet with the Tommy Guns.  Smashing it open, he liberated one of the Thompsons and loaded it with a circular magazine.  He had just armed it when he heard the big door at the end of the room opening.  A figure came in, and he almost opening up with the Thompson before he recognized him. It was his bunkmate, Elian Sandoval from Ciudad Juarez, Mexico.
 
"Elian!" he called out.
 
"Hola compadre!" Sandoval answered as he walked up.
 
"How the smeg did you get up here?"
 
"I took the elevation, amigo. How did you get here?"
 
"I climbed up the wall."
 
"Holy smeg!"
 
"Tell me about it. And get a load of this stuff. Demolition charges, machine guns, revolvers, flamethrowers, it's a smegging toy store for psychotics!"
 
"Si. Like us."
 
"Exactly!" McJohn cried as he grabbed a .44 Magnum revolver and shoved it into his jumpsuit pocket  Meanwhile, Sandoval was busy examining an old Winchester repeating rifle.
 
"Muy bueno!" he said while loading it with shells and pocketing more ammo boxes.  Suddenly Elian's clothes changed into an outfit that would have done a Mexican gunman in the Wild West proud.
 
"How'd you do that?"
 
"It's my special power here on this planet."
 
"Could you whip me up one of those old Chicago gangster suits? With a fedora?"
 
"No problemo!" Elian replied. Suddenly McJohn was dressed like Al Capone.
 
"Smegging hell this is great!" Mark said as he filled a sack full of demolition charges, "let's go kick some ass!"
 
"OK!" said Elian as he prepped his rifle, "Uno...Dos...Tres. Vayamos!"
 
They both stormed out the door, firing as they went.  As they came down the corridor they shot up everything in sight, particularly the horrible Thomas Kinkade paintings and Anne Geddes posters lining the wall.  Then they shot there way towards the throne room, setting up the demolition charges as they went.
 
Finally they burst into the throne room as Keats, Dante, Jack and Seymour were just recovering from battling with the scorpion. McJohn looked down at the arming device for the demolition charges, set it to five minutes, and activated it.
 
"OK folks," McJohn shouted far too happily, "everyone out that's getting out! This place is gonna go up like Nagasaki in about five minutes."
 
"What?" said Seymour in a none-too-happy voice.
 
"Me and Sandoval just wired this whole place with about four dozen demolition charges and set the timer. Unless y'all wanna end up as pancakes, I'd hoof it outta here."
 
"Makes sense," said Jack.
 
"No objection here," muttered Dante.
 
"Right," said McJohn, "LEG IT!!"
 
They all tore off out the door towards the exit as fast as they could go, gratuitously blowing up more of the castle decor and occupants on the way. They raced down another corridor as McJohn checked his watch.
 
"Three minutes ten!"
 
At that point, they found themselves facing a giant armored mutant alien killing machine, sort of the like a polymorph, except bigger and nastier.
 
"Uh oh." whisphered Elian.
 
"No smeg." said Jack.
 
<tag!>