Lt. Jason Smegg: A little explanation

OK, I've got a way to sort this out:
Lt. Jason Smegg
Chief Engineer, JMC Blue Dwarf
2130 hours
Brig, Cell 001
As soon as the mercenaries left the cellblock (confident in the
forcefields' ability to hold up without intervention), Lt. Smegg dared
to speak:
"So, sir, do you have any ideas how to get out of here? Frankly, sir, I'm
clueless."
Major Harris replied, "Well, much as I would like to see you stuck in the
brig, I'd like to get out myself. And I have an idea. But I'll need you
to close your eyes. I'm going to open a secret air duct that only I know
about, then come around and free you. Only because you might prove useful
somewhere else on the ship, though."
"A secret air duct, sir?" the lieutenant asked. "Why didn't I know of
this before? Even though you outrank me, I am the chief engineer and I
should know of all structural parts of the starship."
"Well, if you knew, then it wouldn't be secret. Duh!" said the
exasperated major. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."
Smegg turned to face the corner and closed his eyes, muttering "Stupid
anal security people." Harris heard this comment and turned around and
slugged Smegg in the face, knocking him out cold, thus finding a second
and more sure solution for the problem of keeping the air duct secret.
When Lt. Smegg came to, he saw the major standing at the forcefield
controls. "OK, you can go now," the major said. "No, I mean, get outta
here!"
--------------------------------------------
If I were to run a personal ad it would look something like this:
"SWM seeks female humanoid.
May possibly relax either requirement if no reply."
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