RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] **Action** Prologue: \"The BD gets an actual mining mission?\"

“Were here” said Jay as he
entered Alota’s office, “Efof put us in orbit of Plebe half an hour
ago”
“Ok” she replied “We’ll
head to the surface in an hour”
“I’ll prep a Starbug”
Jay replied
“Actually were going in the raven”
“The Raven?” Jay asked “But…Dean
flies the raven”
“And?”
“And Dean…and lets be fair to
him is a complete gimp, you’re actually volunteering to fly ina 
ship piloted by him?!”
“Why do ya think you and Keats will
be escorting?”
“In case of Pleb attack?”
“Nope..in case of a ‘Deaning’
incident…”
“Ah”
“Listen Jay, are you..ok?” Alota
asked as she got out of her seat and walked towards the door with Jay
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You know why….Cerebrum”

“Let’s just say I don’t
plan to change who I am”
“Just don’t do anything stupid
hun ok?”
 
 
*** An hour later ***
 
“Prepare for landing now Dean, there
a spot over there” Jay said into his headset, he was leading the small
convoy to the surface of Plebe, “AND SLOWLY! DON’T GO KILLING
ANYONE!”
“The faith you have in me is enormous
innit?” Dean replied
“I have faith in your stupidity”
“Wow..Thanks!” Dean said
excitedly
“Not a good thing mate”
“Oh”
 
The shuttles touched down, the Raven
first, followed by the Phoenix and Keat’s Mig, and the crew regrouped around the three
vessels. “Arm yourselves” said Phil, “Plebe’s aren’t
our biggest fans, they might try to do horrible things to us again”
“You mean like feed us curry and
lager like the Aerons?” Keats asked
Phil pondered this for a second.
“You know I really wouldn’t be
surprised”
 Mini-Phil started handing out
handguns to the crew, tried humping Alota’s leg and then stopped dead and
stared at Jay
“What’s he staring at?”  
“EEEEE!”
“I have no idea” said Phil “I
guess he’s jus..WOAH! Jay you’re on fire!”
“What?”
Sure enough, Jay’s jacket was
aflame, and it was quickly spreading, along his arms.
“PUT HIM OUT!” screamed Alota.
“NO wait!” Jay said “It
doesn’t burn…I can’t even feel it!” By now the flame
had entirely engulfed Jay’s body.
Dean put his hand on Jay’s shoulder.
“OUCH! Thought you said it didn’t burn!”
“Well, it doesn’t burn me!”
Jay said
“Um..Jay” Keats said “You
realise you’re three feet from the ground?”
“What are you talking about? Woah hey…I
can fly!”
“Didn’t the radiation give you
super speed last time? You were like a hyperactive cheetah who’d been
drinking red bull..” Phil said “Weird…”
“Not this time baby!” said Jay
“I’m a human torch!”
He dropped back to the ground, and
concentrated, the flames extinguished. “Well…I can control it at
least”
“Good” said Alota “…now
put on some fireproof smegging clothes, you’ve burnt yours”
Jay suddenly realised he should cover his
manhood.
 
  
-----Original
Message-----From: Onion
[mailto:theonion770@...] Sent: 29
December 2003 21:31To: JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.comSubject: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf]
**Action** Prologue: “The BD gets an actual mining mission?”
 
**Action**
Prologue: "The BD gets an actual mining mission?"JMC Headquarters, Grimsby, England, EarthWilly Eckerslike's officeMid AfternoonThe boss of the Jupiter Mining Corporation sat in
his high back chair looking out of his window onto Grimsbys grim
looking docks. The foul stench of fish and rotting boats was
subdued by the offices air conditioning. Eckerslike argued with someone
on the phone in his dry northern voice."Wha' do you mean we're loosing money? We've
got 6 mining operations on the go, 8 transports…"His voice trailed off as the woman on the phone
reported to him."Oh, 4 out of 6 mining operations on hold
because of the threat of a Hymenoptera attack? Ahh, 5 transports grounded
because of the proximity to the Hymenoptera front line? But at
least we have a new planet being surveyed that looks like its made of
pure potassium don't we? We can sell that stuff for a fortune if
the Titchmarsh estate still want it for their garden planets….
Oh whats that you say? There was an error in the scan? Well what is
it then? Gold? A planet of pure gold ore? What use is gold? Nobody
wants gold these days, its as cheap as chips. Maybe we can sell it
to a council estate… people in me mams neighbourhood wear
tonnes of the stuff."Someone knocked and entered the office. Eckerslike
put the phone down and turned his chair to face him."Reet Danny boy we have a problem. We're
running out of money and need some planets to mine quickly and cheaply. We'll
have to cut corners on this one and keep the taxman out of it,
them greedy buggers are bleeding me dry, and we're still being
sued for mining that planet while the entire civilisation was away
on a day trip.The man called Danny looked through a book of
notes he had made. "What about the Blue Dwarf, they've not
done any mining for ages, they're still on that quest to find the Red
Dwarf am I right?""Yes… well" replied Eckerslike
swinging on his chair. "We get a fair pay packet from the Queen for that one, just for
having Niples aboard.""The Queens nipples on Blue
Dwarf? I don't follow sir?""No no! Niples is working as her Ambassador,
real snooty man, used to work for us, did a good job after me old mate
Captain Cannon died but then we had a bit of jip with him after he
smacked General Anders round the face. Still thinks he runs the
place over there though. Anyway, speaking of the Queens nipples, have you
seen her 2104 calendar? Phwoooor!""Oh yes sir! It restored all my faith in the
monarchy, especially too after what she wore in the Queens speech this
year!""Oh aye! Anyway back to business, yes I'm
happy for the Blue Dwarf to keep scouting because it gives us back a fair
few planetary charts and possibilities to mine.""Oh yes sir, I'm looking through their charts
now… we have a few possibilities… Ffion.. oh no good they blew
it up… an asteroid around Argus... oh no, they blew that up
too… a water planet…""That'd take too much cost and
equipment.""Yes, and by the looks of it the entire place
was…""Don't tell me they blew that up too?""Erm… well there was a huge explosion
just after they left, but it might not have been their fault. Same as New
Ibiza, the Hymenoptera destroyed it whilst they were there…""Geez, that's ships a disaster area! I'm
surprised they haven't cost me any lawsuits!" said Eckerslike, head in
hands."Oh but heres one sir. They reported about a
year ago a moon near the planet of Plebe that emitted bizarre radiation
that gives humans super powers!""What? Why didn't I hear about that!""Actually I think I did show you the report
sir, but you laughed in my face!""Oh yeah. Well is there anything in it? I
mean, was it all bunkum? Or can we really mine the substance that gives
people super powers? If we can, then we'll be…. Rich!"
Eckerslike stood up in thought."Or we could be superheroes and fight crime
sir!""Don't spoil the dream Danny boy.." Said
Eckerslike.Danny looked down."Anyway sir, the inhabitants of the planet
Plebe might not take too kindly to their moon being mined. And they haven't
taken too kindly to us in the past. Its inhabited by a colony of
people who were genetic failures. The spacecore tried to create an
army of super humans and ended up breeding slow stupid people.
Its quite ironic that the Space Core then dumped them on a planet
next to a moon that actually DOES create super heroes!""But they're not…""No sir, the Plebes are even too slow and
stupid for the moon to affect them according to the Blue Dwarfs reports.
Although they do pose a threat, last time they creates a swarm of
robots and loaded them on a missile headed for Earth. They swarmed
everywhere, destroyed Buckingham palace, and set up a robot
manufacturing factory in Germany.""Oh that was THEM?" Said Eckerslike,
spinning in his chair again."Yes but the Blue Dwarf crew helped sort most
of the problems out, although they did set off a nuclear bomb in East Germany…""Oh yeah, we're still paying that lawsuit
too." Eckerslike fidgeted nervously. "Okay, send the Blue Dwarf to
Plebe. Get them to assess the Plebians first. If they're no threat then set
up and mine the moon.""And if they are a threat sir?""Hmm… you said they blew up East Germany?""Quite a lot of it yes sir."Eckerslikes voice lowered in an evil tone.
"Make sure they're well equipped with nuclear devices, I want that
superhuman moon mined!""Erm… yes sir."**Blue Dwarf**Sailing away from the Space GateAfter a few days of making repairs and
replenishing the Blue Dwarfs alcohol supplies (as some had been stolen by the
Aerons), everything was getting back to as normal as could be possible
on the Dwarf.**Drive Room**The fax machine whirred into life and Alota pulled
the fax out as it printed. She took it into her office while
casually eating a sandwich and put her feet up on the desk.Suddently, as if he could smell the chance to
interfere, Ambassador Niples appeared in her office."Is that new orders by any chance? Any need
for the Commonwealth's best Ambassador?" he tried to take the orders
off her."How many times have I told you I'M the
captain now!""It is new orders isn't it?" Seymour beamed."Okay, yes it is." Alota read the fax.
"The JMC wants us to head back to Plebe to assess their situation.""Ooh," Seymour said excitedly, he
fiddled with his bow tie. "We left them in political turmoil, they might be in need
of a Royal Ambassador!"Alota sighed. "Okay fine, I know what you're
going to ask. Your on the mission okay?! I know how whiney you get if
you don't get to go.""Jolly Good!""We'll jump to the Plebe system tomorrow.
Make yourself useful and get a shuttle ready if you're so eager. And you
can tell Keats and my husband they can all fly their owns ships as
escorts and the rest of us can take Deans Raven, he's got plenty of
room. "Ok Alota." Seymour walked out, nose held
high."Call me Captain dammit!" she shouted
after him.JMC's 
best....brightest....the most drunk.....www.BlueDwarf.co.uk-Your number one resource in all things Blue Dwarf
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