**Action** "New Friends Part1"

**Action** "New Friends Part1"
Ambassador Seymour Niples
Ambassadorial Suite
JMC Blue Dwarf
At that almost fictional time when everyone on BD is actually at
their posts and doing some kind of job!
Seymour paced up and down his quarters looking at the wardrobe where
he knew there was one less suit, and the reason there was one less
suit was that it had a huge gaping bloody hole in it, and covered in
Keats' blood.
He paced even more, awaiting the news from the Dry Cleanering and
Suit Repair shop. Suddenly the internal coms phone rang.
He picked it up anxiously. "Will it be okay?"
"I'm afraid sir… the suit is too badly ripped and stained. There was
nothing I could do."
"Damn you all! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!"
He slammed the phone down and fumed.
Then the com phone rang again. This time it was Sara Lockheart from
the Drive Room. She looked nervous, like she'd just been talking to
someone famous.
"Mr Ambassador, the Queen is on Line1….the QUEEN! I just talked to
the Real QUEEN of England!!!"
"Yes yes, get a grip woman, she's not much more than a teenage
slapper, with way too much money. Put her on."
The screen changed to the Queen sat on some kind of expensive royal
gold rimmed chair. On one side of the room she was sat in at Windsor
Castle was an antique display case full of priceless china, and on
the other was an inflatable penis and a traffic cone.
"M'lady." Niples bowed. Even though he really sometimes felt like it
was wasted on her.
"Seymour you old fart how's life?! You haven't reported in for a
while. I've got The head of Space Core calling me up every 30
minutes wanting to know what happened to his marines, wondering if I
knew anything. And well, sometimes he just rings to hear the sound
of my voice…"
"He's married!" Exclaimed Seymour and pointed a finger at
her. "Don't make him another one of your conquests Brittany, if you
mess with his head we'll end up with an even more badly directed
military."
"Oh its too late for that!" she giggled. "He has great strong arms…."
Seymour hung his face in his hands.
"Anyway I learned quite a lot from him. You know this Hym…
hymon….that alien race that trashed New Ibiza?"
Seymour looked up and nodded. "We encountered them again recently,
they had a special mind controlling insect that took control of
General Bordinate and commanded us to go into Hymenoptera territory,
just about all the marines were killed."
"Oh," said the Queen. "Such a waste of nice fit men."
"And women." Said Seymour. "Don't be sexist. There were some fine
female officers too, at least I think they were female, they were a
bit tough…"
"Most women are tougher than you Seymour! Anyway, it seems these
insect thingies are turning out to be a big big threat, their front
line is expanding very fast and they're becoming very powerful. It
looks like they can convert proteins from a planet into ships
quickly, they use peoples brains to power their ships etcetera.. you
know the usual bad guy stuff…"
"Is ripping ones brain out usual?" Seymour enquired.
"Watch a movie dude!" The Queen shouted at him.
Seymour moved the conversation on with a deep breath. "So what is
the word back home about it? What are the Space Core going to do?"
"Theres not much anyone can do, they're saying these aliens are
tough! And by the looks of the one who hauled be up that skyscraper
on New Ibiza, I'm going to agree with them! Everyone wants to leave
them alone, we know one day soon they'll come for us, but our
weapons don't seem to do much to them, we're going to loose!"
"Good grief, the Queen getting serious over something over than a
broken nail, what is the world coming to?!"
"This IS serious Seymour!!! That's why I want you to be on the look
out for any races with powerful weapons spaceships or defensive
technology and see if they'll share…. Or maybe get them to join the
Royal Commonwealth, then they'll have to share!"
"Why would they want to have you as Queen?"
"Durr! Because all citizens in the commonwealth get those saucy FHM
calendars of moi!"
Seymour sunk his shoulders. "No state would join the commonwealth
just for cr…" he bit his tongue before he said `crude'. "…raunchy
photo shoots of you!"
"Well… Mars Colony did!"
Seymour momentarily stunned for words. "Alright alright, I'll see
what I can do. I will persuade Captain Alotta to get us searching
for someone."
"Okay, thanks sweetie!" Queen Brittany said and turned her monitor
off.
Seymour thought alone for a few minutes. Finding aliens wasn't going
to be easy, they'd only encountered a few in the past 3 years… and
even still, the Space Core didn't even recognise them, even four-
armed Efof with his genitals on his head.
And even if they could find someone soon, was it possible to just
stroll up to an advanced civilisation and say "lets be friends, you
can give us all your weapons so we can defend out poor weak
selves!". This situation needed caution, and the wily skills of a
Royal Ambassador!
Seymour asked Holly to put him through to the drive room. Sarah
Lockheart appeared on screen, still giggling at having talked to the
Queen.
"Miss Lockheart, would it be possible for you up there to put me
through to some kind of Orbital Stellar Observatory?"
"Erm, yes sir… I can connect you to the Moore Orbital Observatory
around Titan."
"That will do thank you." Seymour waited as his screen changed, then
the image of Patrick Moore appeared.
"Sir Patrick Moore? Good grief, you're STILL alive?!" Seymour
exclaimed. The thin haired man rubbed his monocle.
"No, no, no dear chap! I am a clone of the original `sir' Patrick
Moore. In fact we all are…." He gestured behind him and Seymour
could see rows of them all exactly the same age and all with
monocles studying star charts or looking through telescopes at the
stars.
"Oh I do apologise for my rude outbursts." Seymour said. "I'm
Ambassador Niples on the JMC Blue Dwarf, I was wondering if it was
possible to spot any planets with living civilisations, we need to
find an advanced culture to befriend…."
"Ahh well now, that is a very interesting question…" Patrick licked
his lips like a frog.
"We have in fact just found more traces of a civilisation the Blue
Dwarf once documented seeing signs of…"
"Oh?" Seymour asked, and sat down in his comfortable armchair.
"Yes, in sector 27 Gamma you once encountered a big gate in space…"
"which we were chased into and found it brought us out in the
atmosphere of a planet yes…" Seymour recalled painfully remembering
the Dwarf crashing into the planet's ocean. The `Chrysler Manoeuvre'
it came to be called.
Patrick Moore continued. "Well we have spotted another gate, we saw
it just off the corona of Sirius as a black hole silhouetted it from
behind, Patrick Moore #31 spotted it yesterday."
In the background Patrick Moore #31 waved at his name being
mentioned.
Seymour's eyes lit up, "so we might be able to find the race that
built them!"
Patrick Moore nodded very very subtly, as it was all his neck could
manage.
---Later, Captain's Office, Drive-Room---
Seymour buzzed and strolled in.
"Oh, you've redecorated….." Seymour said disappointedly. "I'm not
sure I care for you choice of colours, wouldn't you have preferred a
light puce? Or a stippled magnolia, maybe with a floral motif?"
"What do you want Seymour?" Asked Alotta.
"Just some urgent order from the Queen….oh, I see you've taken down
my picture of the Queen! I left that there for patriotic reasons, at
least Whitewolf covered it up as he didn't like it, you have
actually taken it down! Don't you like to keep a picture of the
Queen around to remind you of your cultural upbringing? For
patriotism?"
"Seymour it's Brittany, it was a nude FHM shot!"
"Well yes but I had painted a little dress on her for her modesty,
it wasn't like some crude pin-up of a tart on a garage wall. I had
even framed it!"
"Did you want something?" Alotta repeated.
"Yes, speaking of the Queen, we have been advised strongly to start
finding an ally to help us stand up to the hymenoptera. And I've got
a lead already- it's a space gate at this location." He pointed to
the map.
"That's a long way out of Space Core charted territory Seymour…"
"Only a few seconds if we use the wormhole drive"
"what if it breaks again and we meet another fleet of Hymenoptera?"
"Then I orchestrate another fantastic plan to save us!" Seymour
boasted. "This could be it! This could make me… I uh mean us famous-
contact with an Alien civilisation. And I mean a good one, not
rubbish aliens like Efof and Dante…"
Outside, Efof who had been listening in started sobbing.
"Okay okay." Agreed Alotta. "I will announce that we will jump in 3
hours so we can prepare."
Seymour nodded and walked out onto the Drive-Room, heading towards
the express-lift.
Nice to know I still have authority around here! He thought to
himself. "Stop blowing your nose Efof, we have to make a good
impression on our new soon-to-be allies."
Efof took his hands from out of his pants.
OOC-Everyone can carry on as you are at the minute, I dont want to
put an end to any subplots yet, I just wanted to introduce where
we're going next :-)
-Onion/Niples