Efof- "Application for Hero pending"

Parrotts- Where Everybody knows your name!
Before the intrusion
Efof stood at the bar cleaning pint glasses with a dry cloth. He
quite enjoyed this new job, it was a lot less mundane than jabbing
random navigation buttons in the drive room that he didn't know what
they did until someone told him off, or alert lights started
flashing. He sometimes played a game with himself to see how many
things he could do wrong in one shift. It made him feel like he
didn't belong here, like an alien I suppose.
But this job was different, easy and humble. And theres not much you
could do wrong here.
"Beer please Efof!" Called the fat man at the other end of the bar.
Efof grinned and slided the beer down the bar where it fell off the
edge.
"Oops!"
"Double oops!" Said the customer, "that wasn't even a beer, it was a
margarita!"
"Aah…"
Owen Numan the barman came over. "Efof mate maybe its best if you
don't do the beers just now, help me think of some good romantic
songs we can have for a romantic themed evening"
The small Ffionian rodents started running in Efofs brain. "I cant
really think of any human songs…"
"You've lost that loving feeling!" Owen called out and immediately
scribbled it down.
"No, I'm just kinda tired…"
"It's a song Efof!"
Then there was an almighty crash as the Marine ship rammed the Blue
Dwarf.
"Goddamit!" Said Owen as half his glasses fell off the
shelves. "Who's driving this thing?"
Efof went a white shade of blue. "Erm.. well what I did was prop the
chair up against the joystick, cos I thought that the chances of
hitting anything in the next half hour, well space is big…"
"Efof!!"
Keith Wirrals who had just staggered out of the bar came back in
again, "Its no good!" He shouted. "I've had too much, the ground
keeps moving beneath me! Oh and while I'm back in here… another one
please."
The intruder alert alarm sounded making all the drunks cover their
ears and some fall off their bar stools.
"So what normally happens in here when an alarm goes off" asked Efof.
"Well we wait for the command staff to do something about it, and
just wait it out." Said Owen. "I have to stay here and protect my
bar."
"Yeah…" said Efof. "And it's a shame most of the command staff are
inside Dean, leaving only mainly me outside." He signed and went on
to wipe a dirty glass.
"Efof…?" Started Owen.
"Oh yeah!" Efof pulled off his apron, vaulted the bar and ran out of
Parrotts.
He heard a shout behind and found that Wirrals was following him. "I
wantsh to be a hero toosh!"
"A hero? What does that involve?" Asked Efof naively.
"I thought your going to find the intruders and save the ship?"
"I was going to try but I'm not sure about this hero nonsense, what
is one?"
"A hero? You… uh… You probably have them on Ffion, you must do…"
Efof looked blankly.
"Like Bruce Willis, James Bond…" Keith suggested.
"Bruce Willis the grocer?" Efof pointed to the grocery shop down
the promenade.
"No, he just thinks he is. And wears dirty vests all the time."
"So to be a hero, do I have to apply for a form first to be one,
like when I started working at Parrotts?"
"Erm no… you just run into where the intruders are and… kick ass!"
Keith said with a kicking gesture.
"No, no I couldn't! It wouldn't be right! What about the people that
trained long and hard to be `heroes', and got proper certificates. I
don't just want to claim I am one. The others will hate me. What if
there's a heroes club and they mock me? Besides, I already have 2
jobs!"
Keith was getting irritated. "Its not another job! Its more of a
status!"
"Okay okay, so how do I apply?"
Keith let out an annoyed sound out of his front teeth. "You don't
apply, you… hangon, okay well…" He had an idea.
"Well luckily for you I'm a hero officer! I can appoint you a hero
right now! And… you're a hero!"
"I am?" Efof said happily.
"Yes, now lets go kick but, I'm right behind you!"
"Don't I get a certificate to prove it? I want to be able to tell my
friends!"
"GOD MAN! Okay okay, I'll write you one now." He pulled out a scrap
of paper and pen from his pocket and started scribbling.
"Aww no, that's not very neat!" Efof whined dissapointedly.
"FINE! Fine" Keats said and threw the paper on the floor and
disappeared into a nearby sports shop.
**20 minutes later**
Efof burst into where Dean, Jasmine and MP were still scuffling with
the marines. Dramatically entering through a pool of smoke, Efof
waved a swimming certificate around with the 25metres label crossed
out and instead was the word "HERO'.
"Hello I'm Efof, I'm a hero! I'm here to kick butt!"
A marine walked up to him and twisted his arms around his back.
Wirrals was caught too. "Oh well done hero!" He scowled.