Hamster Golf!

Who: A very, very bad & fugitive hamster.
Where: have you ever tried finding a fugitive hamster?
When: Just after the above named fugitive hamster got himself smashed
on some hard lemonade, or was that smashed a hard lemonade over his
head?
The black clad figure of the dark lord of the empire was sitting on a
park bench in the Blue Dwarf's Kiddie park & zoo with a grocery bag
next to him while finishing off the last of his alcoholic lemonade
and cotton candy cone that he had nicked off one of the passing by
brats.
Several small kids and thier mothers were hurriedly walking by while
giving him a wide berth and various dirty looks as the dark lord
casually tossed aside the last of his cotton candy over his shoulder,
and got up off the bench while grabbing up the nearby grocery bag and
muttered while rummaging through it, "I wonder what kind of
interesting stuff I was able to pilfer from that silly clown fearing
ex-xo of mine's research lab?"
He quickly tossed aside the various useless stuff like the
multicolored elastic bands, and 3d triple helix atom representation
models, then he said "Mmm, this looks promising!" as he pulled out
something like a gun and pointed at a passing by woman and child.
"You wouldn't!" said the agast woman looking at him.
The dark lord sighed and shifted the gun aside slightly so she could
view of his face (but the weapon was still pointed at her) as he
exclaimed sarcastically, "Hey look at the color of my clothing, lady.
Does it look like I wouldn't?"
A nearby lady cocked her head as she replied in a near valley girl
voice, "well you do kinda look cute, in a 'spike' sorta way..."
The dark lord groaned inwardly & rolled his eyes skyward and
lamented, "What's the universe coming too when people don't fear bad
guys anymore?"
The mother replied trying to help, "your not bad, your just
misunderstand."
"Oh yeah, that's all I need... another visit to my self help
therapist, who do you think made me do this?" demanded the Dark lord
in anger while slowly squeezing the guns trigger - A ray shot out of
the barrel...
And turned the mother into a chicken. Some kid in the crowd cried
out, "She got you henpecked!" and started laughing, while the rest of
the crowd slowly followed suit as the Dark Lord glanced at the weapon
stupidly and threw it bag in the bag while walking dejectedly towards
the park exit which lead back into the promanade as he muttered, "He
made a chicken gun - I should have known! Doesn't this guy ever
experiment with fireworks, or anything *fun* like that?"
He stopped walking when he noticed Wd-40 going by up ahead, along
with Elwood and a odding looking mcFlurry machine, and snapped one of
his claws exclaiming "I've got the perfect idea!"
He rummaged through the grocery bag, pulling out what looked like an
electronic miniature golf club and grabbing a tool belt off a nearby
park technician, before tossing the grocery bag into a trash can and
heading into the promenade.
<moments later, as he was stealthily coming up behind Elwood, Timmy,
WD40 and E-45 as they were trading a a chorus of 'noo!'s'
and 'really's?'>
The dark lord touched the button next to label that read 'Phil
Febuggure co, Tiger woods titanium sandtrap blaster special' on the
electronic golf club and it extended out to full size, as he came up
behind the trailing shiny red Timmy and quickly shouted "TWO
SQAURED!" as he swung & putted the little robot with such force that
Timmy carried Elwood & E-45 along him into a Taco Bell's back alley
food dumpster.
Leaving a startled WD-40 standing before the dark lord, who grabbed
him by the arm and hit his off switch, and quickly opened Wd's
cranial hatch using some small tools from the previously nicked tool
belt as E-45 could be heard screaming from the background inside the
dumpster, "Get this green super hot sauce off me, It's burning
through my circuitry!"
"Hey, it's doing a great job clearing up my hydralic lines!" Comments
Timmy downing a large swing from a discarded bottle of the stuff,
which was quickly followed by a 'Pharp!', and Flaming 'WHOOMP!'.
"I think you just incinerated my ocular sensors!" commented Elwood.
"Aw it's just soot build up, here let me clean it off with some of
this..." replied Timmy motioned with his second discarded bottle of
hot sauce.
"Keep that nuclear waste away from the both of us!" hollered E-45 as
the dark lord made several minute adjustments inside wd-40's cranial
electronics.
"Ahh, a little taco sauce isn't dangerous.", came back Timmy.
"Then how do you explain that liquified concrete wall behind you?"
demanded E-45, as Elwood wiped the soot from his visual sensors and
Timmy turned around to look at it.
"Faulty Craftmenship?" Ventured Timmy, as the Dark Lord closed WD's
Crainal hatch and threw the switch that reactivated Wd-40, before
quickly slinking away giggling to himself to rejoin the Death jar's
defense forces.
"Don't just stand there, brace it with something!" shouted Elwood now
seeing the badly compromised wall with a hole in it.
Timmy shrugged his shoulders and quickly grabbed E-45 and used him to
plug the hole.
Wd-40 sat up and commented outloud "new program accepted.", then got
up and marched off purposefully.
"That's not what I met, and you know that." remonstrated Elwood.
"No it's not - you gave me a very vague order, if you don't want me
to use this exact interpretation, you should've ben more specific."
replied Timmy.
<Several minutes later, outside the breifing room of the alternate
BD...>
Wd-40 approached the Alternate Captain Tara & Acting Captain Alota
and bleeped loudly, assuming a rigid standing position and stated
outloud, "Activating the male chauvinistic remark program. Do you
know what the difference between men & women leaders is? With women
leaders, Everyone around seems to have an attitude problem every 28
days, making Everyone's head look like an invitation to batting
practice. And during each attack carried out on that 28th day, the
womens army has to stop every now and buy a bottle of ibuprofen
because the one's they currently got keeps ending up empty within
minutes, while having to outfit themselves with new uniforms because
the old ones don't look right or fit anymore. And attacks on every
other day takes equally as long because their armys have to keep
stopping to ask for directions, or those in command have stopped to
check their reflections on next shiny surface they found. And finally
all thier war planning takes longer because women act as if talking
is the same as foreplay..."
Wd-40 suddenly snapped out of his rigid position as smoke started
rising from his groinal area, and remarked, "Oh goodness gracious, I
seemed to have overloaded my sensitivity circuits!" then his groin
burst into flame.
OOC: Many apologies ladies, But I just *couldn't* pass up on such as
wonderfully funny inspiration for this Wd-40 bit I got from America
Funniest Videos shown earlier today.
RPG:
----
The Dark Lord was back aboard the 'Vicious Hamster' as the Alternate
Blue Dwarf launched its fighters. The Dark Lord smiled as he piloted
his ship up to meet thier craft, and began quickly shooting at them
with his Linear accelerator cannons loaded with neutron star matter.
Though seeming primitive, it was highly effective as the incredibly
dense matter streaked through several of the fighter craft in rail
gun like shots and also spectacularly
impacted themselves deeply into the Alternate Blue Dwarf that was
immediately beyond the fighters.
Then He took aim at the Raven, and fired just as a some clown in (not
surprisingly) a clown ship broadsided him.
The shot whizzed by the Raven and into the Rebel BD and just overhead
of Phil's BFT.
"Holy S**t, That was close!" Yelled Phil watching it streak by.
"I don't know if it's holy, but I certainly think browned all of our
trousers. What was that?" Said one of the two Seymours.
"It was linearly accelerated heavy metal projectile." remarked GP.
"huh?" asked Butts.
"He's mean somebody just shot as us with a huge gun." remarked Niples.
"What didn't he just say so?" remarked Butts.
"Because a good scientist is precise." Replied Gp.
"That makes your Phil the exception." remarked Butts, "or so I heard."
<tag!>
OOC: Yep, WW is doing a "Darth Vader" defense. Any takers for being
the fighter he singles out to go chasing after?
- White Wolf
Your once & future Captain!