Guards - they're judge jury and executioner

<snip>
"Rebel vessels, this is the Imperial Fleet," said a voice that
brought to mind squirty flowers and giant shoes, "You are hereby
ordered to lay down your weapons, surrender yourselves and prepare to
be brutally and horribly tortured by our band of Killer Clown
Commandos."
</snip>
Who: Canazza, Timmy, Donald, Efof, Nipples and Butts
Where: The alternates Brig
When: Shortly after the above announcement
Canazza banged on the bars of his cell, although they called it the brig, it was more of a pre-trial holding cell as opposed to one of those horrid 'floor thirteen' cells.
"Hey! HEY!" he shouted at the guard.
"What?" He turned round and headed for the cell
"I have to get back to my dwarf, help fend of these evil clowns."
"You can't get out until you find an alibi" The guard repeated what he already knew,
Another guard walked in, "He has a visitor"
"okay, bring him in" said the first one.
Donald Canazza walked in, followed by Timmy.
"You," Canazza glared at his psychotic opposite with no chest, "get out of here"
"Okay" Timmy said, turning for the door
"Not you, you dolt, Him"
"Oh, Right"
"Come here to gloat have you?" Canazza seethed
"No, " His alternate replied, "I haven't, infact, I have come here to give you an alibi"
"You have got to be smegging kidding me."
"Yes, I am kidding." he said, matter-of-factly
"Gimp"
"there were only three people in that corridor, you, me and Timmy. And poor Timmy doesn't remember a thing" he made a fake pouty face.
"wait..." Canazza was remembering something, "There was someone else."
"Who?" Donald began to look worried, Timmy was looking curious.
"Yeh, who?" Timmy asked.
"Nipples..."
"who's Nipples? does someone have living nipples on your ship? Freaky. I'd have to have sentient nipples" Donald rambles when he's worried.
"Not nipples you psychotic goit, Ambassador Seymour Nipples"
"They were arguing," Donald tried to dissuade Canazza from following this up, "They couldn't have seen anything, they were too far away, they have very bad hearing."
The Guard turned to his colleague, "Bring them in" he turned to Donald, "You wait here" he showed Donald to a seat in the far corner of the cell block.
-a short time later-
The guard entered, followed by Efof and Butts, who was still munching on his curry.
"Where's nipples?" Canazza asked
"I'm not coming in there" A voice said from outside, "It's not clean and full of uncouth beasts"
Efof and Butts looked down the row of cells, they were empty, bar Canazza's.
"They're all empty" Efof said
"I'm still not coming in,"
"You have to sir," Said on of the guards
"I'll do it on one condition" He waved the guard out into the corridor and whispered in his ear.
He stepped back in, puffed up his chest and said "Presenting, on Her majesty's service, The Royal Ambassador for the Queen of England, Seymour Nipples" and gave a flourish with his arms beckoning the ambassador inside.
"Perfect my good man" he said stepping in.
"Okay, I'd like to ask you a few questions" The guard said, "First of all, do you remember the events that took place in White corridor 165, about 2 hours ago?"
"we argued," Butts said, "About - " Nipples cut him off
"About things," he said.
"Did either of you see Donald Canazza attempt to kill Dave Canazza?"
"Nope," The Seymours said simultaneously.
"I did" said Efof, "while they were arguing I saw one of them with a weapon, there was  a scuffle, the weapon changed hands and the weaponless one leaped on the other one, but got shot"
"But do you know which one was which?" Asked the guard
"It's smegging obvious" Canazza screamed, "The one with the gaping hole through his chest is the one that got shot"
"PLEASE" said the guard, "SHUT THE SMEG UP AND LET HIM ANSWER"
"To be honest," Efof said, "I couldn't tell, they looked alike"
The guard unlocked the cell door
"Thank god," Canazza sighed, "Lock that gimboid up" he pointed to Donald
"Nope" Said the guard, "there is reasonable doubt that one or both of you were acting in self defence, therefore, by our policy, both go free,"
"That's Bull - " Canazza was cut off from swearing by the sound of clowns over the speakers, "I'd better get going"
Canazza ran out of the brig and headed for the docking bay were he left Timmy#2.Name: Dave Canazza
Status: mmm... blasting time.