Re: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Uh, oh - That\'s no pussy. AIIIEEEEEE! It\'s a rogue Hamster!!!

Which one the one where you insult Jay in the poem ior the one where you insult Insurance peeps?!
 
:D

----- Original Message -----
From: White Wolf
To: JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2003 7:36 PM
Subject: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Uh, oh - That's no pussy. AIIIEEEEEE! It's a rogue Hamster!!!
OOC: Wasn't exactly the start that I had written earlier, but I can adapt... :)RPG:====Who: Read'em and weep.Where: In a dark room on a dark ship.When: After a mug time! ;)<snip>The corridor was dark. Darker than usual in fact, Jay struggled to see in the darkness. He took off his sunglasses.Still dark, CLANG!"OW!..son of a..." Jay whined grabbing his face in pain after walking headlong into an open maintenence panel swinging from the wall. "Who the hell? Man..Zodar's gonna hear from me..smegging engineers leaving HAZARDS lying around! None of my staff would be so smegging stupid!. well...except maybe DeanHe caught a glimpse from inside the maintenance hatch, "Hey.." he muttered "This is the ENV control conduit for this deck...someone's but the lights on purpose...""But of course!" came a voice behind him Jay turned and could just about make out the sillouhette of a ....something."Zo? Canazza?..did you leave this hatch like this?"The figure just nodded. "Maybe you wanna close it?"The figure shook its head as if to say 'no' then pulled out a spanner."Fix it..good idea" Jay said, the figure raised the spanner over his head, "Wait.." and swung it down toward Jay, who dived aside "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" the stranger took another swing, Jay putting his arms up to defend himself. The spanner came down on Jays forearms with a crushing blow, "OWOWOW!! STUPID!!" Jay cursed himself, then dropped to the ground and swept the floor with his legs, tripping his attacker."WHO THE SMEG ARE YOU MAN?! You the guy who put phil in the medi-bay?..you mess with my friends...YOU MESS WITH ME!" his assailant said nothing in response, just reached up, grabbed Jay by the throat and pulled him to the ground, the stranger pushing thier foot into Jay's stomach as he did this, throwing Jay down the corridor with surprising force, Jay collided with the wall, and began to get up, his back to his attacker.MistakeJay saw nothing, the corridor was filled with a loud WHACK. Everything went black....<snerp>The dark shadowy form glanced around and giggled to itself slightly for a moment before leaning down and grabbing the leg of the limp form of Jay and began dragging it accross the floor towards the open hatch.The dark robed form stepped up to the open hatch and pulled out a small remote and touched a button. The inside of the open hatch shimmered strangely, revealing that it was not a ENV control conduit after all, but instead was a short stairway leading upward. The Dark form continued dragging Jay behind him carelessly like a toy as he acsended the stairs causing Jay's head to softy "thump, thump" on each of the stairs on his way up.The Dark form reached the top of the stairs and entered a small 10x10x10 room, where he dragged Jay's unconsious form over to where the single light in the room shined blindly against the hard metal bulkhead wall before pausing to use the small remote again to dismiss the stairwell/enterance behind him, causing it to shimmer back into the form of a ENV control conduits wall. Then the Dark form slowly, almost reverently, pulled out a roll of grey duct tape from inside his black robes before turning back towards Jay and unrolling a section of the tape with the distinctive 'scrit' sound.Within minutes, Jay was completely bound up in the gray sticky tape, he almost looked like a silvery gray Egyptian mummy, except that his face wasn't covered. Just as the dark form was stepping back into the shadows to admire his work, Jay's eyes drowsily began to open. "Good, now I may finally begin the dissertation of my revenge." said the omnimous sounding voice of the Dark form pulling out, again almost reverently, a small red leather bound journal from withn his robes, "Now Mr. Nova, I shall...""I'm not Nova, you must have me confused with someone else." interuppted Jay, matter of factly, thinking he might be able to convice this nutcase to let him go, but he was also worried -  that voice sounded vaguely familar to him. Could maybe some dastardly figure like future Phil, or an Evil Nutter Harris have suddenly caught up with him in this alternate universe? The thought itself was chilling, and he promptly decided he'd better play along a little and see what he could find out, especially since he needed some more time to work himself free of his 'bonds'."Oh?" Said the dark form pausing for a moment, "Let me consult my notes, It has been such a long time."The shadowy form pulled out a little black book from his robes and consulted it, "Ahh yes, here it is, I merely misremembered your name, Mr. Chevy Jay - Now getting back to my list...""The names Chrysler, JAY CHRYSLER!" Spat the angry Pilot, "Get the name right!""Well, I knew it had something to do with one of those rent-a-wreck car's and you keep crashing..." Said the shadowy form while shrugging."I DO NOT! DEAN DOES!" Shouted an offended Jay, "What are you, some kind of rogue insurance man?!?""No!" bellowed the Dark form quick darting forward to slap a strip of duct tape across Jay's mouth with a black leather gloved hand, before just as rapidly retreating back into the shadows."Now I shall continue..." Said the Dark form while adjusting his cowl to make sure his face was still hidden, before again slowly withdrawing the small red leather bound journal and smoothing the first page lovingly with a black leather gloved hand. There was a quiet moment as the black robed figure read the first page, and carefully flipped it to the next, then turned and disappeared into dark corner of the room, to picking up something that looked vaguely a Doctors black medical bag, then slowly walking up to just about the edge of the bright light before quickly kneeling and opening up the black bag. The gloved hands methodically removed several items from the bag. They appeared to be a set of mini speakers, a small MP3 player, and a set hypodermic needles, syringes and accompanying vials of liquid drugs of some soret. Jay was getting very worried now. Then the Dark form calmly connected the speakers up to the the MP3 player and hit 'play', causing a unbelievably loud Elmo voice singing a Seasme Street song to emanate from the speakers. Jay let out a muffled scream of horror and began squirming even more in earnest to get out of his grey sticky tape bindings, as the dark figure stood up and backward into the shadow to flip to the next page and begin reading quietly outloud, "Why I hate you, let me count the ways...""I hate you because you act like you are goodie two shoe, when you are not.I hate you because you are a human, when you do not deserve to be one.I hate you because you pretend to be a team person, but your selfish actions show you are not.I hate you because you think you are a hotshot Pilot, when your not because you've crashed a lot.  Jay tried to object through the duct tape, but the Dark figure flipped the journals page and continued on undetered and slowly getting louder,"I hate you because you claim to be person of authority, yet you disobey orders.I hate you because you claim to be person of authority, but you mock authority and diss your superiors.I hate you because you are on a ship mining ship, that does no miningI hate you because you succeeded in getting married..."{This repetitious monologue continues on for several hours, causing Jay to eventually fall asleep and snore a bit muffledly.}"I hate you in Olive drab cloths.  I hate you in golf courses.  I hate you even when your wearing Green eggs and Ham.", The Dark figure paused, causing Jay to wake up and note that his sweaty sleeping had helped loosen his bonds on his legs & face quite a bit, he struggled against them some more as the Dark robed figure casually flipped to the last page of the journal, and took a deeeep breath and before shouting, "And Most importantly, I hate you BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME BEHIND IN A FREEZER WITH A PERVERTED MIDGET IN 1984," the Dark figure was spraying spittle from his lips now as he shrieked in sheer fury at Jay, "WHO MADE A *FRICKIN* FLOWER VASE OUTTA ME!!!" As the dark figure almost theatrically swept aside the front of his dark robe to reveal a corpse like chest with mangy fur and a bunch of wilted flowers sticking out of a gaping gangrenous sword thrust wound. Jay was simply stunned as recognition suddenly began to dawn upon him, his mind bobbled as he tried to think of what to do next as his leg bonds slowly came apart he was almost there.Then there was a sudden metal clank as MP suddenly walked through the shimmering ENV control conduit wall. The Dark figure whirled and bellowed at the little midget, "How dare you have the termitary to interuppt an act of my vengeance!" Mp merely went, "EEEeeeee?" then quickly started to duck as the Dark figure lunged for him.Jay took this to opportunity to try kicking off the remains of the duct tape binding his legs, But they weren't cooperating, so instead, he quickly wriggled towards the shimmering ENV control conduit wall on his buttocks, and just made it through as he heard assorted sounds of "Eee!" and loud scuffling struggle going on behind him.Jay tumbled down the stairs and landed hard on the floor deckplating below as the Dark voice bellowed, "So your a ankle biter eh? Try this bite on for size you little runt!""EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" MP shrill scream rang throughout the ship loud enough to wake the dead - too bad it didn't provide any help with this particular Deadie, who bellowed, "Oh stop your whinning you snivelling little runt - You haven't even begun to experience the pain I have while I was turned to the dark side! Come, I shall acquaint you and We shall be like brothers..." the voice trailed off as it slowly receded.Jay merely sat in a heap of sweaty & sticky as he saw the maintenance hatch abruptly close and shimmered back to a airlock.<Coming up next - Can the dark side handle MP?>OOC: Oh Andy, I mean no offense with this posts statement - just playing the part! :)- White Wolf  Your once & future Captain!JMC's  best....brightest....the most drunk.....www.BlueDwarf.co.uk-Your number one resource in all things Blue Dwarf related,Take the Blue Dwarf Quiz now!To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:JMC_Blue_Dwarf-unsubscribe@egroups.comYour use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.