The ointment creature gets "miner's stomach"

Who?: Keith and the two XO families.
Where?: The promeade.
When?: 2101, I think...
<snip>
"You think if we feed Wirrals to it it'll go away?" Jay asked,
glaring at the miner in a way that made Keith wonder if he was
joking...
<snip no. 2>
...and then realised it was a good idea! Taking off his favourite
jacket to save it from harm he ran towards the gelatinous beast,
screaming every offense and film war-cry he could remember.
Amber looked up from the back she and her brother were rummaging in
and spake thus "What the smegging hell is that psycho up to?"
Jay was gobsmacked "I don't believe it, he's actually trying to get
eaten!"
Alota could hardly bear to watch, it was insanity! "Crewman Wirrals,
I order you not to get yourself eaten!"
Keith was by now poking the beast with his finger "sorry captain, but
we've, like, got no other option! HOY, PUALTICE BREATH! YOU FILTHY
HOLY-MOTHER-OF-THE-MONKEYS-F****R! EAT ME!"
The ointment creature was surpised to say the least, and had stopped
trying to kill people.
"ARE YOU DEAF, LIKE, OR JUST SUPID?"
The enraged monster could take no more, and it bent down to eat the
miner.
As soon as he was in it's mouth Keith could feel it's teeth grinding
against his Quartzoid armouring, and when it gave up chewing, it
simply swallowed him down...
On the outside people were shocked.
"My God..." exclaimed Phil "I've been surprised..."
"But what did that achieve?" Alota puzzled.
"It's OK dear," Jay whispered "he's gone to a better place..." And
then mentally added 'where you aren't'.
Back inside the monster Keith was struggling to find a weapon to
fight his way back out before his skin dissolved. He groped around,
something, anything! His querying hand closed around a metal pole,
and he wasted no time in bashing the monster from the inside...
The creature stopped, then pulled a silly face. It staggered around
for a while, the it screamd as a metal banister railing came clean
throuh it's stomach and ripped it open.
And out fell a very wet miner, who landed in as heroic pose as he
could manage.
"I don't believe it..." Gasped Phil.
Jay simply gawped...
<tag>
Gavin "stomach troubles" Branson.