Infiltrating Auntie

 
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Efof pressed the big red button..
 
++ TRANSMISSION BEGIN ++
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“Yes can I have a 12 inch pollo with side order chips please…. Ready for when we get back, great thanks!”
 
“Mr. Febuggure!” Seymour scolded, pushing Phil out of the way. “We need to send a radio signal to the Space Eagle to remote access its systems and fly it back to our location. I wasn’t going to leave it here, its too expensive! A binary radio signal sent in its direction with the correct loginname and password will allow us to access its systems and use these TV monitors to see from the front camera and we can set this radio equipment to send different commands to control its flightpath.”
 
Seymour paused and waited.
“Okay somebody, do it!”
“Do what?” Said Jay.
“What I just said. I cant do it!”
 
Jay frowned. “Your not Captain anymore you know!”
“Yes but I am a royal Ambassador, and as the JMC is a British company I represent the Queen within it, and so I order you to get to work. Also you may like to know that all post before delivered belongs to the queen, and the royal family does bring in more income to the united kingdom than it costs…” he gave a royal pamphlet to Phil who immediately threw it in the bin.
 
“Okay, enough with the pro Queen stuff, she’s a dirty teenage slut and you know it.” Said Jay, giving up and trying to figure out the radio equipment.
Efof giggled to himself, thinking about the Queen.
A few minutes later they were broadcasting the signal and could hack into the Space Eagles navigation system. “I’ve got it!!” Jay said, and various pictures of what the Space Eagle could see appeared on one of the many TV screens in front of them including a command line prompt on one, and various computer and fuel reports on others.
On the TV screen it could be seen that a guy tried to cross the road by walking over the “empty” parking space (as the SE was cloaked) and hit his face on the invisible hull.
Jay typed something into the command prompt, and Efof uselessly pressed some buttons and the SpaceEagle lifted off into the air.
 
“Ooh mind that building jay” Seymour animatedly panicked. “and that one!” he pointed to another screen.
Jay shot him a look. “I know what I’m doing Seymour!”
“look out! A radio mast!” Seymour said, trying to take the controls off Jay. “Just leave me alone!!!”
 
“This will take a few minutes, just gotta fly over the atlantic” Said Jay
 
"Wheres Mini-Phil?" Phil asked curiously, the midget had disappeared.
"Maybe he found some traffic to play with" Jay said, without looking up from the monitor, Phil shot him a glance "guy can dream can't he" Jay said as a means of response.
 
"EEEEEEEEEE!!!" was heard from the corridor and Mini-Phil came bursting through the studio doors, scared for his life, a cockatiel was pecking the hell out his head.
"GET THE LITTLE FUCKER!" came a female voice from outside "NOONE GROPES MICHAELA STRACHAN AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!"
"EE!" Mini-Phil said, panicking and pointing at the door, "EE! EE! EE E EEE EEEEEEEEEEE!"
Phil ran down to the doors and he and Alota slammed them shut. "He says the entire BBC security team are on their way here, apparently he tried to say 'hello' to Michaela Strachan!" Phil translated.
The guards started kicking the door "HURRY JAY!" Alota shouted "WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!"
"What the hell have you done now you little pervert?!" Jay yelled addressing the midget.
"Eee...." Mini-Phil said apologetically, hands behind his back and twisting his left foot into the ground, giving the crew 'puppy dogs'.
Seymour scowled at the Midget, puppy dogs or no.
 
Suddenly Timmy Mallet came out of a stage door waving his arms around manically as he saw they Blue Dwarf intruders and started shouting zany things, although he always shouted zany things.
“Who’s that?” said Efof. “And why’s he wearing the same shirt as you Seymour! But without the cuffs!”
 
“The space eagles just coming to London, its on top speed.” Said Jay.
 
“How far away? Can you get it to land on the roof?” Asked Seymour.
 
The BBC security guards burst through the door. Seymour grabbed Pinky Punky the pink mallet for defence. Everyone ran behind Jay for the back entrance to the studio and pulled Jay along too. “Hang on, its nearly here! I’m just stopping it, okay go go go!!!”
 
They all ran with the guards on their heels. Timmy Mallet bounded after them too to get his mallet back. “My friend! My only friend!” he yelped, adjusted his zany glasses. The cockatiel landed on his shoulder and started pecking his ear, of course Magic, you’re my friend too!!!”
 
The group got to the roof of the BBC building and were chased almost to the edge.
“Where’s the Space Eagle Jay? I thought you were flying it to the roof”
“Crap, its still cloaked!!!” said Jay “And I couldn’t get it all the way to the roof before you pulled me away, its hovering just over the edge somewhere!”
“Oh great, so we all have to jump over the edge and see if we hit something?!” said Alotta.
“Throw the midget?” Suggested Seymour, eying MP suspiciously. MP dropped his trousers and mooned the Ambassador. “Well I never!” Seymour gasped.
 
The guards got closer. And Timmy Mallet leaped forward to the floor practically foaming at the mouth. He started crawling towards them. “My mallet, I cant live without my mallet!!!”
 
Even Keith Harris and Orville stood there watching him curiously.
 
“That guy’s mad!” Shouted Efof. “Are all human entertainers like that?”
“Some yes.” Admitted Seymour.
Timmy’s cockatiel saw the open sky and leaped for freedom away from the crazy children’s presenter. Unfortunately it hit the invisible Space Eagle, which flickered visible for a second, shocking the crowd of guards and curious TV presenters who turned up for fun.
John Craven reached for his notepad.
 
“Jolly good, there it is!” Said Seymour.
“But it’s too far!” said Alotta. “I cant jump that!”
“I’ll ruin my shirt!” Seymour whinged. Then felt the crazy Timmy Mallet clawing at his shoe and leapt towards the floating spaceship. He landed on the smooth cockpit and started slipping off.
“Buggerit!” He cursed, quickly wrapping his tie around the windscreen wiper and dangled there kicking his legs.
Then Efof jumped almost on top of him. “Dear God eEfof, wait until I’m inside at least!” Efof scrambled up onto the Space Eagles back and stood there, suddenly his had blew off.
 
The crowd of BBC staff gasped as Efofs manhood (of Ffionhood) waved in the wind.
He quickly opened the hatch and scrambled inside the invisible spaceship, piloting it closer so that Jay and Alotta could jump. Then Phil threw MP, unfortunately he didn’t miss and landed inside on top of an annoyed Seymour. Who threw him onto Efof. The inside was only built for 2 people, but could accommodate 4. Now 5 and a half people were crammed up inside.
 
Jay didn't mind the cramped conditions of the rear of the Eagle's cockpit, he'd kicked Efof out of the pilot's seat and had all the legroom he wanted, of course he had to move the seat back a far bit, which meant Mini-Phil was sandwiched between the back of his chair and Seymours face. 
 
No biggie.
 
Jay pulled up fast, as fast as ge-force would let him without blackout. Something hit the ship.
"Smeg...." Jay muttered
"What?" Alota asked "Whats the matter?"
"Um..we...seem to have attracted the attention of the RAF"
"How?..They can't see us!"
"They can now..."
"Whaddya mean.."
"That impact...was a missile exploding off our port side..it's disabled the cloak, were visible"
"Oh my.." Seymour said, muffled by a fidgeting midget on his lap.
"This is RAF Victor-Charlie 3 to unidentified aircraft, you are in violation of the united kingdom airspace, please land immediatley or I'll be forced to open fire.." Came a familiar sounding voice over the comm.
"I can't land..." Jay said
"We also can't get into a dogfight" Alota pointed out "You shoot anyone down, who know's what damage you'll do to the timeline?"
"Unidentifed aircraft this is your final warning" came the voice again.
"DO SOMETHING JAY!"
Jay did do something, he fired the retros, the Eagle, suddenly flying in reverse, the RAF tornado's lacking such manouverability soared past, giving Jay a chance to climb to a better height while the tornadoe's looped and came around for another pass. 
"Unidentified aicraft, this is Lt. Chrysler of the RAF 203rd airborne, you will surrender immediatley"
"Chrysler?" asked everyone in the cockpit. 
"My Great, great grandfather..." Jay answered absently, still concentrating on the dogfight, "It kinda runs in the family...wait a sec....that could have bought me a window..."
"What do you mean?" Phil asked, "What window?"
Jay didn't answer, he just opened fire on the lead fighter, laser blastes ripping through it's wing, causing the pilot to eject, the other 2 fighters in the squadron broke off their attack, upon seeing the kind of firepower they were up against
"They'll be back with reinforcements..." Jay muttered "Im getting outta here"
"YOU IDIOT!" Alota scolded. "YOU JUST SHOT YOUR OWN ANCESTOR OUTTA THE SKY! IF I WAKE UP HUSBAND-LESS IN THE MORNING YOURE GONNA PAY....."
"Relax!" Jay said "I remember, my great-great grandfather met my great-great grandmother when she was working as a nurse in this era, she nursed him back to health after he crash landed over London, he told everyone he was shot down by  UFO, course...noone belived him..I just made sure I get born!"
"You scare me like that again Jay and the couch is gonna have company until WE have great-great -grandkids.." Alota said. "Now lets get outta here.."
 
<Jp between Niples and Chrysler..Taggers>