Isaac Asimov once said, "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's

"... transition that's troublesome.". All White Wolf can say in
response is, "Hamster Fritters, it is!"
#####################
OOC: Sorry about my not posting lately, but I've been so swamped work-
wise, that I haven't had a lot of free time in which I could spend on
much of anything else. I'm trying to keep abreast of the plot
situation, and am very glad to see that it seem's to be progressing
pretty well.
Also I'd like to take this moment to welcome aboard our latest
newcomer, Keith Wirrals! I'm glad to have your join our crew
of 'unthreaded' screwballs! :)
- White Wolf.
RPG:
=-=-
Who: Would you like to make a guess?
When: Eternity
Where: Um, that really varies.
[Start long winded snip]
The penguin named Ox2A quickly yanked back the PDA out of the
hamsters line of sight while replying, "um - no, sorry! Client/Case
worker confidentiality privelege you know." The penguin paused as he
quickly scrolled through the entries on his PDA.
After a moment he said, "Oh, Here's something...", as he ticked the
display with his flipper, and the reality around them suddenly
morphed into a scene inside a freezer.
White Wolf turned around a screamed, "GGGGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT
THE SMEG ARE YOU DOING?!? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LITTLE PERVERT!!!"
"Oh My... that horrible little man's going to lose an *awful* lot of
afterlife points for this..." Went the shocked looking Penguin
quickly ticking the PDA causing the surroundings to return back to
their usual vaporousness, "I must apologise, the special effects
people seem to brought up the wrong scene, that was obiviously
something that hadn't happened yet."
"You mean to tell me that little twerps going to do that in the
future?" bellowed the indigant Hamster, "Alright you've convinced me,
just send me back so I can kill that little Smegger myself!"
"Um... Well, actually... You have sort of put your finger on the
problem. You see... you weren't supposed to die. Your guardian angel
apparently had... "
"What?"
"well... Gotten a little lax, with you being Atemporal and with your
actual date of death being so far off, he... ahh..."
"What?!?"
"Took a vacation... Normally We'd would be glad to return you to
mortal realm, but your Body's sort of unable to hold your soul at the
moment." Finished the Penguin with a red face that matched his hat.
"Well, can't you just fix it?"
"Um, unfortunately no. We're not allowed to. But I'm sure we have
some nice alternatives." ventured the Penguin helpfully.
"Alternatives?" Muttered the Dumbfounded hamster, "Oh, this does not
bode well..."
[End a long winded snip]
"Ahh, here's a promising alternative." Said the penguin named Ox2A,
while ticking the PDA display with his left flipper. The surrounding
vaporous reality quickly melted into a scene that looked like a small
county fair back on earth. The pair was standing in a manure pile, in
a cattle corral.
"Ew..." Sputtered the Six foot one inch Hamster, quickly extricating
himself and moving off to one side, when a nearby holstien cow lifted
it's head and moo'ed at him startling him, "Gah!"
"There's no need to worry. We're not phased in with reality, so we're
insubstantial." Remarked Ox2A soothingly.
"What are you describing the rest of my life?" Remarked the rotund
hamster while waving his paws towards the cow, unhappily noting it
hardly reacted at all, "That I'm going to be relagated to being
Casper for the rest of eternity..."
"No, no, no. You'll only be temporarily insubstantial until your new
host body meets with a rather fortunate accident getting kicked in
the head and being killed instantly."
"Eternity is recycling people? Why doesn't that surprise me? I mean I
knew the universe was screw up and..." replied the huge hamster, when
he suddenly stopped as he saw a beautiful young blonde woman with
waist length hair walk up to the nearby cow with a loaded bucket, put
it down and take out a brush and started grooming the cow. "Jane?"
The penguin glanced at his PDA and replied as he smacked the PDA with
the flat of his left flipper and made a funny whining
noise, "Actually, I believe that's her middle name."
"No, your dispatching system must wrong again - Because I'd know my
old girlfriend Jane Sexe anywhere! Where are we? Are we back on
earth? And more importantly when are we?" Shot back White Wolf as a
handsome looking young man came over to join the pretty young lady.
"Hmm, Let me see...", said Ox2A as he smacked his PDA again, "I'm
sorry, I can't see bring up that information just yet, because this
darn thing is stuck showing the countdown timer for when your new
host body will become available."
"You mean it's going to be Jane? No, I can't allow that to happen -
we've got to stop it! Jane, Save yourself!" Said the high-rise
Hamster quickly flailing his arms and rushing over toward jane. The
cow startled, and began bucking against his tether while kicking out
in panic.
"No, wait you don't understand..." Started the Penguin.
The frantic cow wildly spun as it tried to free itself from the
halter restrainst, and began to kick towards the pretty young woman,
and she let out a scream of terror as she found that she already had
backed herself up against the wooden fence.
"Get back, you foul girlfriend murdering milksow!" Bellowed the six
foot hamster, as the handsome young man leapt forward to push the
young woman out of harms way, and in so doing was cruelly struck in
the head with a flailing hoof. There was a loud snap, as the bucking
cow yanked on the tether and broken it free from it's tied down the
fence, and the handsome young man fell to the ground.
"She wasn't the one destined to meet with the accident, he was!"
Explained the Penguin quickly, "She's Sarah Jane Sexe, your
girlfriend's grandmother, while he was her teen boyfriend."
"Oh Good lord - I caused the accident that killed him!" Blurted the
towering hamster while putting a paw to his mouth in his utter shock.
Then weakly falling into a sitting position on the ground as he
watched in horror as the young woman tried to revive the fallen young
man while calling out his name in a terrified voice and shaking him.
"It's time for you to resume your life in the mortal realm." said the
Penguin quickly glancing at the PDA as other people started running
over, "We don't have very long before people discover that he's
dead."
The hamster simply turned and attempted to add his stomach contents
to the manure pile while retching.
"White Wolf, You must take his place before his death is discovered."
insisted the penguin.
The altitudinous hamster turned back, gazing up at the penguin with
wild eyes and shouted, "Are you insane!?! I can't kill a innocent man
just to selfishly take his place!"
"I don't have time to explain this to you, but you believe me, this
event was destinated to happen." Explained Ox2A, "Now If you'll just
lie down where he is, your soul will incorporate itself into his body
and you'll be able continue your time in the mortal realm."
"No! I won't do this, and you can't make me!" Yelled the enlarged
hamster getting up and running off through the growing small crowd of
people.
"This is going to be a harder case than I originally thought." Said
the Penguin as he lifted up his red hat, and scratched the top of his
head, then put it back on and ticked something on his PDA before
quickly following after the spectacular sized hamster.
A few moments later, Ox2A finds the hamster sitting by a cotton candy
vendors booth looking forlornly at the ground.
"I've screwed things up before, but never as badly as this. I was
doomed from the get go." Muttered the upset looking king-size
hamster, "I mean, How can I possibly be my old girlfriends
grandmothers boyfriend? That's just twisted."
The Penguin slides down to a sitting position alongside him, "Well,
for what's its worth. I can tell you that someone else has taken his
place, and went on to become her husband. So no damage was done, so
maybe you'll have other opportunities."
"Oh yeah, rub it in some more why don't 'cha? Go on, tell me how I
threw away my chance at being human again, and yet another chance at
having a good romantic relationship again. First it was Jane Sexe,
then it was Allie Fletcher, then someone here in eternity decides to
salt my wounds by making the next one I give up look exactly like the
first one..." muttered the sullen hamster.
Ox2A quickly frowned and glanced at this PDA for a moment, and shook
his head, "I don't see any mention of interferance from the
Unmentionable one in your file."
"huh?" Said the lanky hamster lifting his head, "What are you talking
about?"
"You know, the folks who operate for..." Replied the Penguin pointing
downward with his free flipper.
"You mean, Sa...." Started the confused hamster before Ox2A clamped a
flipper over his mouth.
"Never mention them by name, it attracts their attention." Explains
the Pengiun hurriedly, "Got it?"
The hamster nodded, as Ox2A removed his flipper.
"I thought that they were a myth used to scare little twits."
Muttered White Wolf in quiet disblief while slumping some more, "I've
been exposed to so many new concepts today, I don't know if I can
assimilate it all..."
"Hey, no problem. We get that all the time. We'll just hang out here
while you take how ever long you need, before we move on." Said the
Penguin waving his flipper lazily.
"But won't that make me late for the other opportunities you
mentioned?" Said the Spacious hamster turning slightly toward the
penguin while hanging his head in despair.
"Time normally isn't linear in eternity, only when we jump to a
specific event does it behave that way thanks to our fabulously
technical 'eternity engineers'. Take for example, right now, We're
currently in earths past. With this," Penguin raised his PDA, "I can
jump us to any when or where another soul is being displaced from
it's host, regardless of it's location in the entire multi-verse.
Heck, If you wanted to be an Ameoba in the M21 galaxy, I could
program in a search filter into this lil' bugger so it only brings us
to those results. So what would your pleasure be then?"
The huge hamster continued gloomily hanging his head as he
replied, "I don't care right now... You pick one."
They sat in silence for several long minutes, just watching people
enjoying the sights around the county fair. Then Ox2A snapped** his
flipper, and said, "Tell ya what I'll do - I'll program this to loop
so you get automatically installed into the next available host body
in this universes human exspansion that have avoidable terminal
incidents coming up, so that if you encounter any other hosts you
don't want to take over, you just allow them to expire and move on to
the next one until you find a host that you like, then just simply
prevent it from expiring."
"Forty two, that sounds awfully morbid." Remarks White Wolf.
"Hey, my mentor told me to look at this way - the hosts are
temporary, it's the souls that are permanent. So it's like an email
or software program getting uninstalled from one computer and
installed on the next. It's the content that really matters, not the
place in which it's housed." Shot back the Penguin.
"You realise that statement sounds like there's something fundamently
wrong with it's logic... You know like a software monopoly's argument
that they're being hurt by software piracy, when thier actually
benefiting from it." Started the oversized Hamster.
"Look, I'm only suggesting this because it'll free me up faster so I
can move on to some of my other cases." Said Ox2A.
"Yes, I am holding up others, aren't I? Oh alright... I'll give this
insane sounding thing a try, so I won't be further endangering other
people's welfare." Said the Capacious finally relenting from his dark
mood a little, and getting up.
"That's the spirit!" Replied the Penguin also standing up, then
punching codes into his PDA, "I've started the looping program...
now!"
"How do I get in contact with you if something goes wrong with this?"
Said the Huge Hamster as he already began to fade out for his next
destination.
"Don't worry about a thing, I'll check in on you every once in a
while. Good Luck!" Replied the penguin to the hamster just as the
hamster finally disappeared from view.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
White felt himself materialize somewhere else. He opened his eyes,
and noted to his slight surprise that he apparently was hanging
upside down by his furry rodent feet in a dark and dank cave.
"Odd, I wonder how forty two, found me another Hamster body..."
thought White Wolf distractedly.
Then there was a
loud "YYYEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!" from somewhere
in the distance which startled him, causing him involutarily let go
with his feet. With a soft thump he fell down to the floor, and
woozily tried standing up as he heard gunfire coming from the same
direction as the yell. He could dimly make out a nearby wall, he
raised up arms intending to climb it, and suddenly realized his arms
had something attached to them.
He peered at them in the darken, and realized that the 'attachments'
were wings! "Uh oh." he worriedly thought, and quickly felt up on his
head, to confirm what he thought he might be. He felt his two huge
elongated ears as the gunfire began coming closer, "Aw Smeg, I'm a
Bat! What a time for me to have to learn how to fly..."
He tentatively began to flap his wing, slowly getting airbourne while
peering about for a safe place to hide, when a large furry figure
quickly approached weilding a gun.
Bat-White Wolf squeaked in panic, "Don't shoot!"
The large furry figure whirled in fear, and rapidly fired a short
burst of gunfire, one of the bullets struck Bat-White Wolf in the
chest, mortally wounding him. He immediately fell to ground in shock,
as the gun weilding huge furry figure paused to untangle itself from
the
cottonly webbing mass it was wrapped in, and yelled ""What the smeg
is this stuff, anyway?!? Hymenoptera hamster-paper?!?" While the
figure quickly attempted to change ammo clips as something like a
huge mantis reached out to grab it.
"I can't believe it, >I< killed myself***!" Thought Bat-White Wolf to
himself as he slowly faded into unconsciousness and expired on the
cave floor.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
A few moments later, White Wolf materialized somewhere else again,
finnd himself in bright blinding light, he blinked his eyes quickly
as he tried to seeing his surroundings. He could feel that he was on
all fours, when he relaxed slightly he felt his stomach touchd
something hard and surprising hot. He immediately raised himself
back up. And Sniffed the air around him, something nearby smelled
awful. As his eyes hadn't started to focus yet, he found he needed to
lift his hands and feet off the hard hot surface below him. He lifted
his right arm and left foot to in order keep his stomach from coming
into contact with the hot surface.
Then his eyes acclimated a bit, and he could slowly make out that he
was on some sort of blacktop, though it looked surprisely large and
it was surrounded by an even large expanse of sand. He momentarily
was trying to ponder the significance of all this, and as everything
was suddenly begining to make sense to him that he was lizard on a
blacktopped road, he heard the loud roar of an approaching vehicle
and turned just in time to see a huge 18 wheeler bearing down at him.
White Wolf had just enough time to think, "Aw Crap!", before one of
the huge tires quickly ran over him.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
White Wolf suddenly found himself underwater and quickly sinking. He
looked around quickly, and spotted Mrs Alota Chryseler a short
distance away from him in trouble and apparently drowning, he quickly
swam over reached out and grabbed her leg, he realized this was a
mistake instantly when his sharp claws quickly cut her along her
thigh as he started to sink again.
The cut his claws made continued below her knee cap, and before he
could do anything to make her understand it was a mistake, she
reacted by yelling out a "Fuck this" and pulled out her combat knife
and quickly stabbed him in the chest several times, then quickly ran
the blade across his neck as tried to shove her away, but she quickly
sliced a major arterity before she fled. He flailed clumisly in the
expanding dark cloud of blood, trying to simulataneously staunch the
mortal wound and swim toward the waters surface. But, bullets zinged
through the water by him, as he quickly realized where he was, and
was starting to pass out from the exertion while thinking to
himself, "Well, at least time I tried before being killed..."*****
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
This time when White Wolf he felt strange, like he had a sort of
slippery wetness all over. And every around seemed unbelieveably
huge. Like that mountain that seemed miles ahead of him. Suddenly it
felt like an earthquake was occurring, then he sensed three GIGANTIC
pairs of feet coming his way.
He tried to dodge, and realised to his horror that he couldn't move
very fast at all. "OH GREAT, I'm a slug!" Thought Slug-White Wolf.
As he slowly attempted to get out of the way, three towering giants
stomped past him. Luckily none of them had stepped, he slowly turned
to try a get a glimpse of them as they receded from his view, he
heard some gunfire as he did so.
Then to his shock he recognised the three 'giants' as Himself,
Cerebrum, and Dean. He quickly reasoned that he must be back on the
Hymenoptera home world, and just then he heard a 'Kerpling' of a
stray bullet richochetting. And something struck him and again, he
was mortally wounded.
"How the smeg do I keep killing myself****?" Lamented the Slug-White
Wolf as he expired again at his own hands.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
White Wolf materialized somewhere else yet again, this time he opened
his eyes more quickly worried at what dangers he might percieve in
his surroundings. But his paws were covering his eyes. He had HAMSTER
paws again? He glanced down at them stupidly for a moment, as he
marveled at them, and then suddenly became aware that he was inside a
pile of wood shavings. He poked his head out, and saw that he was
inside a cage, complete with a water bottle and hamster wheel.
"Aw Smeg... Now I'm somebodies pet!" exclaimed White Wolf.
<To Be Continued...>
--------
** - Hey, This is in eternity - so let's not go griping about what a
Penguin could and couldn't do... Ok? :)
*** - See post Number 6783 for the other point of view.
**** - See post Number 6802 for the other point of view.
***** - See post Number 2419 for the other point of view.