Captain half-beard rules

<snip>Gingerbeard keeled over, clutching his leg, Canazza stepped over him and out into the midsection.
All the cabin-boys turned to him,
"He has the sword!" one of the shouted, "ALL HAIL CAPTAIN - " the man was stumped, Canazza had nothing but a crappy trainee moustache, "CAPTAIN HALF-BEARD!"
"Cool..."
"What is your first order Captain?"
Gingerbeard started clawing his way out of the cockpit,
"Umm... does anyone know first aid? We should really help your ex-captain"</snip>
Canazza didn't quite know what to do with himself, he was now the leader.
"Okay, so i'm leader of 10 waiters-come-space pirates, who all dressed as Cabin-boys, " he pondered, "and okay, I did take it by force, which wasn't really the space corps way" he paused, "What am I talking about, ofcource it is,"
"Captain Half-beard" one of the cabin-boys rushed into the cockpit
"What is it boy?" The cabin boy looked puzzled, "umm... Yah harr"
"we've run out of After-eight mints sir, may I suggest a raid sir"
"You may suggest it, but we're not going to do it"
"Sir?" Again, the waiter looked puzzled
"Get me a drink, and some biscuits, pronto, We are no where near a ship to loot." Canazza turned back to the console.
"Yes sir" the cabin-boy ran out.
Canazza poured over the reams of data, comprehending only some of it. The navigation report showed them catching up with the pack again, the Astrometric report apparently showed them 5,000,000 km from anything, even a planet, even though Canazza could see one through the cockpit window.
"%$&!" Canazza cursed, then congratulated himself on pronouncing it, "PLAANEET!"
Canazza's panic was over quickly when he realised that they were going to pass it by a long way.
the radio crackled, "Starbug 423, this is the JMC vessel Starbug 12, stand down your defences and prepare to be boarded, you are all under arrest under Article 14 of the Space Corps Pirating Law, paragraph 12, subsection 2 'No one may use a JMC vessel while dressed in pirate clothing, or under a nickname ending in Beard' - you have 10 minutes before boarding begins"
"This is Junior-officer Dave Canazza of the Mining vessel Blue Dwarf, I have since dealt with the pirate in control of this vessel and he is now in the medi-bay being patched up"
The cabin-boy rushed over to the controls, "Yes!" he said, "Captain Half-beard saved us from Gingerbeard"
"Half-beard?!" screeched the man on the other end, "That's it, stop your engines immediately, you are being boarded"
Canazza turned to the cabin-boy and could only say one thing to say:  "Thanks"Name: Dave 'half-beard' Canazza
Status: In deep brown dog crap