Furry Hamster, Stangled Pilot...

Who: Dean & White Wolf.
Where: In an alien space ship flying away from the planet.
When: As Cerebrum leapt out the window - funny, it seemed like the
most natural thing for him to do...
</Segue preamble>
Cerebrum swung out the window, activated a jet pack and zoomed down
to the ground.
"What was that about?" WW asked.
"No idea, but I've got this urge to knock over a liquor store," Dean
replied.
</initiate segue>
"Liquor store? No way. It has to be a 7-11." Replied the six foot,
one inch hamster.
"Why does it have to be a 7-11?" asked Dean.
"Because I'm hungry for some taffy, and I'm the Captain, that's why."
"Why don't we just knock over a fanny mae candy store then?"
The huge hamster made a face and remarked, "What on earth makes you
think I'm going to eat something that comes from a company that
references a bum in it's name?"
Dean raised an eyebrow in askance, and then glancing at the navicom,
scowled his face too and commented, "Well, I guess it's a moot point
now, the autopilot on this overgrown shopping cart is taking us to
some planet up ahead, and I still don't know where the navigational
controls are yet..."
The mighty hamster glanced out the viewport at the planet that was
coming up and said, "Hey, it's looks like we're coming up on
McWendy's."
"McWendys?!? What's that?" Asked Dean looking confused. (or normal
depending on your point of view...)
"That's the name of the planet we're about to land on. It supposedly
is the home of the historic alamo like stand off between rival fast
food frachises during the Taco Bell wars in 2057. Just before
Mcdonalds attempted that ill fated merger with Microsoft, when they
invented AI controlled food vending machines. Apparently, another
franchise called 'Wendys' was the 2nd largest fast food monopoly at
the time. It had just purchased the planet and was in the process of
setting up thier new corporate headquarters there when several
McDonalds warships suddenly invaded, bent on eliminating thier
competition. McDonalds had succeeded, quickly explaining it all away
as a natural disaster - but the survivors dubbed the
planet 'McWendys' in honor of the event and sbuilt a memorial museum
where I read all about what happened. It's just another one of two
small tid bits that I learned while visiting there when I was whiling
away 4.8 billons years of my time waiting for time to catch back up
with the present. All because Phil invented a VCR that controlled
time and MP decided to put in a tape of one of my 'Captain's Logs'
and hit the rewind button for a laugh. I coulda killed the little
goit for sending me back nearly to the begining of time. I had the
worst troubling keeping away the neanderthals from my camp back on
earth... Anyway, If MP hadn't done that - I wouldn't have had enough
time to take my grand tour of the universe, and going around sampling
every bit of edible food ever made since nearly the begining of time.
I was inspired by the 'Festival of the Nations' in Minnesota. It's a
lovely spot to live with lot's hills, the only thing wrong with it,
is that it's a real bitch to build a house there cause they all keep
getting flooded or sinking into the mud, because there's way too many
swamps and lakes..."
"What was the second thing you learned there?" inquired Dean,
interrupting because the Captain had started meandering off topic
with his discourse.
"Oh yeah. Never ask for 'just a burger' in any of the restaurants on
McWendy's, the locals get real testy when you don't want any fries or
their special 'McGrouchy' meals - though thier banana milk shakes are
simply to die for!" replied the Supersized hamster.
"Are thier toasties any good?"
"Nope - they don't have any." Said the hamster with a bored voice and
turning toward a console and started playing a game of 'Bush vs
Saddam, war of the dicto-idiots'.
"It doesn't sound like a place I'd want to visit..." Muttered Dean,
while pausing to punch a button and then exclaiming triumphantly, "Ah
Ha! Here's the flight controls, See? I've disengaged the autopilot."
"There are no flight controls in a jump ship, Dean. All you did was
change our preprogrammed destination." Commented White Wolf while
hardly looking up from the game.
"Oh really? So do you know where we're headed now, Mr. Know-it-all?"
Demanded a flustered Dean.
"Certainly! We're heading here." said the hulky hamster as he spun
around in his chair and flicked a switch and gestured with a foreclaw
towards a screen while not looking at it, before returning to his
game. The screen read, 'Running Autoreturn program... Destination:
Hymenoptera Capital Ship, The S.S. BlippetyBlop.'
Dean just stared at the screen in shock for a moment, when the
hamster quickly remarked while thumbing a claw over his
shoulder, "Oh - By the way, your pants are back and I think it wishes
to have a word with you about your laundry schedule.", Just before
Dean's green dusted trousers suddenly reached up from behind Dean and
started throttling the pilot.
<Dean?> ;)
--------
OOCR - In case you (and some other people) don't know Dean, this is
the ship with Evil Jay's secret weapon, which he had previously
tested on the SCV Ulysees (see post #6680 - "Unwelcome discovery" for
a refresher...)
- Tim/White Wolf