What is the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?

Who: Phil, and a very annoyed Jay
Where: Parrots
When: After Phil dragged Jay to the holy temple (i.e. parrots)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I should be there I really should." Said Jay, making a move for the door. Phil grabbed him and dragged him back to his seat. "Look, you're not going to help. You'll probably get in the way. Tara knows what's she doing. The best you can do is sit here and keep focused okay?" Amber gave a sympathetic smile towards Jay and then smacked Mini-Phil around the head for pinching her bum.
"Don't worry Uncle Jay, Mum'll do a good job. The amount of times Dad has been in there I know Keto will as well." Said the physically sixteen year old. Jay just stared at his pint of stellar. He hadn't even taken one drop so far.
"Amber, do me a favour. Get MP away from the snooker table. We all know what happened last time he got his hands on a cue...."
"The poor bloke was never quite the same. Mum said he WANTED to talk to Cerebrum after his surgery...whether that was because of Keto or not I don't know...but that cue........." Amber tailed off wincing at the memory.
Now normally even a mention of MP around Jay would result in some kind of sarcastic comment. Phil was REALLY worried if jay didn't even insult the ships midget. Things were not pleasant inside brain da Chrysler. Phil called over the waiter/barman/some bloke and asked for another round of drinks and some SnV Crisps. Phil sits down at the bar. Thinks for a moment. Then says:
"What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?"
"Dunno" said Jay and Amber together
"The proctologist looks at assholes one at a time." Phil laughs at his own joke. Jay just stares at him
"Dude.... that is not a nice thing to say about proctologists"
"Well, it got you talking again didn't it."
"Yes. Phil I've never asked anything like this before, but on any of your loops has this kind of thing happened before."
"Yes. It has. And every time she pulled through." Lied Phil (who after the couple of pints he already had could feel a Satan moment coming on and was trying to repress it.)
"Dad, why don't you go and beat up Mini-Dad?" Said Amber seeing the evil glint in his eye.
"What I don't understand is why I'm getting this now, but when I was Santa's little helper I didn't FEEEL A thing... Phew that was close."
"Why not give those boxers over there an arm wrestling challenge." Suggested Jay, knowing the way Phil was knew he had to do something.
"Damn good idea." Phil walked over to them, leaving Amber with Jay.
---- meanwhile in the medi-bay ----
Tara rushed into the medi-bay to find Keto was already in surgery.
"God damning male!" She yelled to no one in particular. She scrubbed up and went into the theatre. Tara saw Alota on the operating table. "What have you done to her you bastard?!" She said to Keto
"Nothing Cleavage. It was that stupid husband of yours." He said with a smirk. "Now either help out or get someone else in here."
"I'll stupid husband him!" She said "Where does he get off putting Alota in a coma!" She stormed out of the door still in her theatre get up.
---- Back In Parrotts ----
One of the bikers (who had the brain cell capacity of a stunned goldfish) thought prodding Phil in the chest would be a good idea. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't break your midgets head open for spilling my pint" (MP had spilled his pint) "Well...." started Phil
"PHIL FEBUGGURE GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW!" Tara yelled looking like something from a horror movie, with blood splattered on herself. Amber ducked behind a bar stool out of instinct recognising the 'your in the deepest kind of smeg imaginable' tone of voice.
"But Tara...I don't have a donkey." he giggled in a slightly slurred way. Even MP had ran and hid. Sadly he'd run into the women's toilet area and the screams could be heard even now. Tara went purple. Amber knew this was bad. She had never gone purple before. Tara walked over to Phil.
"You. Are. In. Trouble." She said punctuating each word to keep her voice at a calm level. Phil then said something that would go down in history as 'Worst possible thing to say to a pissed off wife who's best friend is in a coma, caused by direct on indirect action on your part'.
"And.......?" Tara opened her mouth but no sound came out. The realisation that she had just left an unqualified person operating on her best friend hit her the split second after she had been lost for words. She looked from Jay to Phil and back.
"I'm not skilled enough to help her Jay. And Keto's not Keto. If it will make you feel better please hit me."<Taggers Jayers>This Joint Post was brought to you by
Tara Cleavage-Febuggure
(Becca)
and
Phil FeBuggure
(Chris)