Robot Wars (sorry... bad title)

WHO: Elwood (the bot with a paint pot) Vs RoboSanta (the robo hoho)
WHERE: the red corner to my left and the blue corner to my right
WHEN: about the same time a bikini-clad lady appears with a board
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"Spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspam"
The robotic Saint Nick lumbered along the occasionally lit corridor
that led to the main engine room of the Blue Dwarf, its mind set on
destroying the massive craft.
"Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam"
It knew there wasn't enough fuel available to totally destroy the
ship, but he could overload the... the...
"Spam?"
Okay... there was probably nothing on this wretched ship that wasn't
already overloaded or broken... Plan B then.
< a short time later >
"Spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspam"
The robotic Saint Nick lumbered along the corridor that led to the
shuttlebay where it had landed the sleigh, its mind STILL set on
destroying...
"OH FOR SPAM'S SAKE!!!"
The sleigh was gone, and there were no clues as to its location.
Plan C? There wasn't a Plan C...
The Santabot leaned against the wall, its vision moving around the
bay, hoping to find something... ANYTHING that could provide a 'C'
related course of action.
Its eyes stopped on the Phoenix.
It looked evil.
It smelt evil.
*munch* It tasted evil.
"Ho ho HO!" the seasonal machine growled.
"Hey hey hey!" came a voice from the far end of the bay; "Get away
from that!"
The pseudo Santa turned to see a smaller, cheaper and generally more
stereotypical machine advancing towards it.
"Step away from the vehicle and spit out any part of it you still
carry" Elwood said, stopping a few metres from the larger, more
expensive and curiously original machine.
"Well, what have we here?" Santa said with a jagged and rusty
grin; "Someone else who will try to stand against me?"
"I'm not gonna stand next to you pal..." Elwood replied, quite
standoffishly; "You're too tall and I'll look like a shortarse"
Santa laughed, not a nice laugh.
"Language like that will only get you put on my naughty list"
"Naughty list? Bah, given the choice between being put on some
rustbucket's naughty list, or Jay's 'You let some d**kless mother
f**ker touch my ship!' list, I'd chose your list any day"
There was a pause as the Santabot rolled the concept around in its
mind, rechecking it and replaying it a few time before replying.
"You... fear a human more than me?" it asked, almost sounding hurt.
If he had a mouth, Elwood would have smirked up at the festive
figure, only he hadn't worked out how to attach a mouth to his frame
yet.
"Hell yeah... I mean, what are you meant to be buddy?" the uber-skut
asked, daring to move a little closer; "Dusty Bin on his day off?"
Another pause. Even Elwood knew he had a faster CPU than the Santabot.
"I AM SANTA!" the machine bellowed.
"Santos? You're from Spain?"
"NO!!! SANTA! S-A-N-T-A!"
"You're Santos from Santa?" the skutter mused; "Santa's near Spain,
right?"
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" the evil robot shouted, its voice echoing around
the bay and through the corridors; "I am SANTA!"
Now it was Christmas-robot's turn to wait as Elwood thought the
concept through.
"You're... Santa..?"
"Yes!"
"Santa?"
"YES!"
"From Santos?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
"Not from Santos?"
"NOT from Santos!"
"Right... from Spain though?"
RoboSanta flinched as a random circuit board exploded inside its head
from over-use, a faint trickle of smoke floating out from its eye
socket. He took a step forward and knelt, now moreorless the same
height as Elwood.
"Look..." it said, putting a hand on one of the skutter's shoulder
joints; "Forget Spain, forget Santos... just remember, I am Santa,
and I have come here to destroy you all by order of the Easter Bunny"
"So lemme get this straight..." Elwood said, lifting his free arm and
holding out a claw in mid air as if he were writing on an invisible
blackboard; "You're Santa, here to destroy us, by order of the Easter
Bunny... right?"
"Yes!" Santa said, standing to its full height again now that it was
sure the smaller machine had comprehended the situation.
RoboSanta was allowed a few seconds of peace before Elwood spoke
again.
"This Easter Bunny... he's the one that goes on and on and on and on
and on... yeah?"
((OOC: this post and a half was brought to you by the "Awkward Robot-
Brain Corporation" - we can replace your machine's mind with a ZX
Spectrum and we'll guarantee you won't notice the difference!))