*Actionesque* "Meeting Cain"

Ambassador Niples
Ambassador’s Quarters
During the blackout
Seymour walked out of the lift that took him straight back to the huge
Ambassadorial suite. The lights flickered again and remained only at half
power, but they kept fluctuating. It was quite ironic that this Dwarfstar
class spaceship was being powered by….a dwarf.
He walked through his quarters and sat down in the armchair next to the
fountain, he’d only just realised he had a fountain. It amazed him how big
his quarters were, he felt quite bad that it was all for him, he felt like
giving most of it away. He didn’t deserve it afterall.
He looked back at the table where he’d left an empty bottle of 1987
Perignon. Him and Katrina had planned to drink it to celebrate their 2nd
Anniversary. He winced at the memory and hung his head from the dizziness of
drinking it too fast all on his own.
How could he have been so selfish? He knew she was making demands on him,
promises that he would have found it hard to keep- but he’d handled it so
badly. And now she’d left him.
He could go back and see her, she was going to leave in a Starbug after the
Hymenoptera attack was over. So she was probably going to leave any minute
now. It still didn’t seem too safe, the red nebula ahead of the Dwarf seemed
to be swarming with the blasted insects, but she wanted to go alone. Even if
he’d tried to stop her, or at least escorted her in the Space Eagle it’ll
have just made it worse. Besides, he couldn’t fly now, he was drunk.
The trickling sound of the fountain made him feel his bladder, so Seymour
set off looking for the toilet.
He found a door that he’d never seen before, mind you- he’d not even checked
most of the doors- there were so many.
As the door opened Seymour could feel warm moist air on his face, the lights
inside flashed a few times, either a faulty lightbulb of they were on a
different power source to the mains.
It was a jungle, could this be part of the overgrown hydroponics bay that
Whitewolf had told him about? Whatever it was it had become overgrown and
claimed two more decks to get all the way to his quarters!
Seymour heard monkeys screaming and quickly slammed the door shut as a
Bengal tiger snarled at him.
“Blimy!” Seymour said in amazement.
He walked to another door an peeked in.
The lights flickered and the floor shook, another wave of Hymenoptera
fighters obviously starting to attack the ship. Seymour lost his footing and
fell through the door.
“Crikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!” he yelled, falling down at least 3 floors
until something soft broke his fall. Through the dim and flickering light he
took some time realising where he was.
“Goodness gracious, so this is where all the Blue Dwarf’s toilet rolls are
kept!” He squirmed on the bed of squidgey bog rolls and stood up unsteadily
like being on a bouncy castle. Towers of velvety paper rolls stretched high
and far in all directions, it was enough to keep an army of Andrex puppies
happy for years.
”Hmm, I wonder…. If there’s so many quilted double velvet toilet rolls, how
come the toilets in the drive room have that dreadfull stuff that feels like
tracing paper?”
He found a ladder on the wall and climbed back up to the door he fell from.
The lights flickered like strobe lights now, MP must have been getting
tired. He walked back to the coffee table in near dark.
There was a sound behind him. Seymour was startled, and turned quickly. But
through the flashes of light he couldn’t see anyone there.
The lights blinked off again. Still no-one there.
The lights blinked on again. Seymour jumped back in fright, standing
formidably in front of him was an imposing figure in black.
“Ambassador Niples, I am Edward Cain. I have something to discuss with you.”
Seymour was taken aback by Cain’s lack of manners and general imposing
creepy feel.
“Erm…well that’s …erm…splendid. Would you like some tea?”
Cain’s booming voice seemed a little unsure. “I….er…no, thankyou. We have
much to discuss!”
“Yes, so you said. Shall we sit down on the sofa.” Seymour sat down.
“I prefer to stand.” Cain boomed, standing tall to make himself look more
impressive.
“My superiors have asked something of me…”
“Who are they then?” Asked Seymour with curiosity, Cain gave him a dirty
stare for interrupting so he quickly apologised and let the man continue.
“They want to capture a Hymenoptera life-form for analysis, but I do not
have the equipment to do it alone.”
“What can I do? I’m not captain anymore, Whitewolf can…”
“You have a lot of influence in the Space Core and JMC through the Queen.”
“Really…oh you mean the Queen has influence, yes I’m afraid I wish it was
like it used to be in the good old days where the Queen had a bit more power
but I think Queen Jennifer just gets people to do what she wants by sleeping
with them.”
Cain lifted an eyebrow and dismissed the thought from his head.
“We need you to get the go ahead through the Space Core and Captain
Whitewolf, we need a Starbug… “
“Who exactly DO you work for?” Seymour asked.
“A team of able personnel who will keep this under wraps, we must keep the
mission as secret as possible…” Said Cain ignoring him.
“You’re not going to tell me are you?”
“…and equipment to sedate of contain a Hymenoptera bug.”
“Can I guess?” Seymour asked inquisitively, secretly loving the mystery
about the situation.
“No.”
“Is it the FBI?”
“No.”
“British Intelligence like James Bond?”
“No.”
“CIA?”
“No.”
“KGB?”
“No.”
“MFI?”
“That’s a hardware store.”
“Oh yes indeed. Sorry.”
“So will you make the arrangements?”
“Hmmm… what’s in it for the Blue Dwarf? It just seems like we’re doing your
dirty work because you’re scared to capture a bug on your own.”
Cain’s nostrils flared up at the insult. His voice lowered as he contained
his anger. “Lets just say it would be beneficial for you if you cooperated.”
“Is that a threa-“ but before Seymour could ask, the lights flickered again
and he was gone.
“What a curious fellow!” Seymour said to himself.
***about an hour later***
Captain WW’s office,
Drive-Room
Seymour had gone to see Whitewolf about Cain’s proposal. Whitewolf showed
Seymour a printout of a sensor scan of the area taken from all of the
Starbugs that had fought the Hymenoptera ships outside.
“There’s lots of Hymenoptera activity around the planet in this red nebula
here,” Whitewolf pointed to the red blob on the map, but Seymour could see
it clearly enough out of the window.
“Do you think it’s the Hymenoptera homeworld?”
“People have started rumours saying that it is, we’ve tracked at least 1
Hymenoptera ship coming from the planet. Unfortunately it was destroyed by a
thermonuclear missile, it would have been nice to see if it went back
there.”
“We have thermonuclear missiles aboard?” Seymour said in shock. But then
again, he didn’t even know there was a supply of quilted double velvet
toilet paper until today. And he was going to keep quiet about it too.
Maybe he would tell Whitewolf, like him, WW appreciated the finer things in
life. But imagine how much toilet roll he would use with all that fur on his
bum to clean….. maybe he would keep quiet after all.
“So we need to get a team to go to the planet in a Starbug, it will be
dangerous so should let people choose whether they want to come or not.”
Whitewolf looked up and headed back into the drive-room where a panting MP
was still trying to keep the BD powered. He gave the new communications
officer Roger Queck a piece of paper to read out over the ship’s tannoy.
“ANNOUNCEMENT: ABLE PERSONNEL NEEDED FOR A DANGEROUS MISSION TO A PLANET IN
THE NEARBY RED NEBULA TO CAPTURE A HYMENOPTERA FOR STUDY. WE LEAVE IN A FEW
HOURS. DANGER AND ADVENTURE GUARANTEED!”
They stood by and waited for volunteers to arrive.
**Meanwhile**
Edward Cain heard the announcement. He sighed. So much for keeping it
secret.
David "Onion" Ball
Captain Seymour Niples, JMC Blue Dwarf
WWW.BlueDwarf.co.uk
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Londo: "Stop eating that, you don't even know what it is."
G'Kar: "Its called 'rice'."
Londo: "Yes, and if it were that good do you think they'd be throwing it at
each other?"
(Babylon 5)
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