**Action** "Sterilisation"

**Action** Mostly written by Chris Farnell (James Johnson) and a little bit by David Ball.
 
Peace Ship Blue DwarfDrive RoomShortly before the entire ship is obliterated by NICENESS"Evasive Manouvres!" James ordered."What?" asked the pilot."Go backwards," James explained."Sir, it would take our engines three days to slow down to a halt, and another three days to get us going backwards again, are you sure this is the right manouvre?"James sighed, "Okay, no shields, no weapons, and we can't turn off that damned lift music?" James said, getting the situation perfectly clear in his mind."That's about the gist of it," Cannon-2 said as the ship shook from another bombardment of NICENESS.James dived over to the communications console, "Everyone from the alternate Blue Dwarf, get out of here pronto, the ship is going to blow!"He turned to the Captain, "If I were you I'd get down to the escape pods," he said, then ran.The Captain looked slightly confused, "Escape Pods?" he said.-----------------------Back on the "Proper" Blue Dwarf...Efof had taken time to get his new space suit fitted, but now he was ready. He and a conveniant Ensign, Suzanne Elanor Cidal (Sue E Cidal as  it was written on her suit) were strapped into the Space Eagle and ready to try and fend off his evil counterpart. There was a humming sound, and the Space Eagle was propelled smoothly out of the hangar bay, and into the deep black of space.----------------------James was halfway down to the Starbug when he realised he was just outside his double's quarters. He ran in just as another load of NICENESS crashed into the side of the ship. He found his double bleeding to death under the wreckage."James!" James said kneeling down next to him."Darling! You came back!" James-2 said giving a wave."Come on! Help me shift this debris..." James said, unfortunately he was a wuss and couldn't lift to save his life."It's too late for me I'm afraid, just take my record collection and run!" James-2 argued.James sighed, he couldn't bare to see himself bleeding to death like this."Okay, just answer me one question," James said, "You know your Dad?""Yes?" James-2 asked."How did he react when he discovered you were..." he whispered the rest of the question into James-2's ear."WHAT!" James-2 said looking astonished, "What on Earth made you think I was gay! Have I got pervert tatooed into my forehead or something!James shrugged, headbutted James-2, then made his way to the Starbug, the ship falling down around him.----------------------Fatba Star DestroyerBridgeCaptain Efof Yuw'anker sat in the command chair, watching as the Peace Ship Blue Dwarf was eliminated, the invading Blue Dwarf didn't seem to pose a threat yet, he would have plenty of time to sterylise them as well."Sir?" a Ffion at the communications console asked, "We're being hailed by a smaller vessel from the invading Blue Dwarf!""Who is it?" Efof asked."It's you sir," the Ffion explained.Efof sighed, "Put me through."-----------------------Space Eagle 1Efof composed himself before speaking to, himself. The monitor in front of him lit up, and what looked like his reflection appeared on it."Alternate ship, this is the Fatba Star Destroyer, you are contaminating our universe with your sleaze, your sickening self indulgence and corrupt influences, we will have to remove you from existence. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause," Efof-2 said."Wait!" Efof said, "You can't just destroy us like that!""It's for the good of the universe," Efof-2 replied, "Your evil influences will completely ruin our innocent naive minds!""But some evil influences are good!" Efof argued, "They have things like heavy metal music! And Glucose drinks! And Jackie Chan movies! Corrupt self-indulgence is fantastic! These people's idea of a good time is to jump up and down in a tightly packed room filled with smoke and lighting effects that make you go dizzy. While there they listen to music so loud you can't hear it, that you wouldn't understand if you could, and between jumping up and down they drink poisonous liquids...""See! It's this kind of moronic, self destructive behaviour we need to stop!" Efof-2 said, "You've been corrupted already by their evil ways!""But you don't understand, it's FUN!" Efof protested, "Your universe could learn from them!""I'm sorry," Efof-2 said, "You must die, I've never seen anything so depraved..."-----------------------JMC Mining Vessel Blue Dwarf (Jenerally Malicious Corporation)Another plane of existence. But not one with evil orange peel in.A very dark and smokey Drive room
 
 
"Well, if it works we can use it to find a universe populated entirely by wussy little gits, and then nick all their cool technology," Evil Zak was explaining."Cool, let's do it!" the Captain grinned, showing her few remaining yellow teeth.Captain "AARRRGGGGGH! NO NOT MY THUMBS!!!!!!!!" Harris was pretty new to her job, and slightly over enthusiastic about it. She'd only got to this position three days ago, after eating the previous Captain. However she thought she was getting the hang of it."There is a slight problem, if this goes wrong it will result in all the infinite universes being sucked into a giant mass singularity, pulping it all up and excreting it into an anti-universe in the form of a fine white substance not unlike toothpaste.""Don't use that technobabble with me!" Captain Harris said, pressing a button on her chair and electrocuting Zak for a second, "What do you mean by 'tooth-paste'?""Nothing Sir, I made that word up," Zak said, recovering from third degree burns.She span round to face the communications officer, "Oi! Shit bag!" she shouted."Yes sir," Jimmy Johnson scowled."Is my coffee ready yet?"Jimmy shuffled over to the captain's chair with a boiling hot mug of coffee."Don't look so miserable Shit Bag, smile!"Jimmy obediently smiled."Now keep smiling!" the Captain grinned.She poured steaming hot coffee over Jimmy's groin, as Jimmy grinned madly."Right, now go back to your seat and send out the standard greeting signal for when we reach the other side!""Yes sir," Jimmy scowled, he went back to his seat and began repeating the greeting message, "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough! Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough..."-----------------Blue Dwarf StarbugThe collapsing hangar bay of the Falling to Pieces Ship Blue Dwarf"We all here?" Niples asked as the Starbug door clunked shut.There was a quick count, "Yep," Niples said, looking at the crew trying to find a seat in the now-overcrowded Starbug. "In fact I think we might even have picked up a few stowaways."The Starbug launched out of the Hangar Bay, just as the ceiling fell down. Nik Florentyn piloted the Starbug back to their Blue Dwarf, not noticing that there was another Blue Dwarf out there. This one looked a lot worse for wear, and a lot more nasty."Hey! Does anyone know where Phil is?" Niples remembered.-----------------Somewhere dark and wet..."Ugh! What a hangover! I must have got completely rat arsed last night!" Phil groaned, "Where am I?"He was in Light-Bee form, and didn't have the batteries to get out of it. He figured out he was floating in something. He was in a small chamber, a few inches across. He switched the Light-Bee's torch on and searched around, the walls were sort of red, and organic looking. He groaned, it looked like someone's stomache...------------------A closet, in the Starbug.Kayn-2 giggled madly, he'd swallowed the Light-Bee to prevent the evil people getting it. Then he'd just sat and waited in the evil-people's closet, now they had arrived, and he could finish his work...-------------------The Peace Ship Blue Dwarf finally exploded. Smaller pods were launched from the larger ship, presumably escape pods. But every one of them was caught in the larger explosion and became small dots of lights as they flamed out of existence.
Efof-2 rubbed his hands with satisfaction."One Blue Dwarf down! One to go..."Suddenly there was a flash of light, and a huge shape emerged from a rift in space, a gigantic navy blue hull. Scarred all over with craters and bullet holes, it's collection funnel snapped in several places, the Jenerally Malicious Corporation Ship Blue Dwarf floated into view."Sir, we're being hailed by the new Blue Dwarf, it's saying, 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough...."
 
*********************************Will Phil "Pull through?"Will Kayn mercilessly massacre the entire Blue Dwarf crew?What will happen to the Stowaways from Peace Ship Blue Dwarf?Will Efof persuade his double of the virtues of sin?Will they all be able to take on the Evil Blue Dwarf?Will all those loose plot lines eventually get tied together?Buggered if I know.
==================================Lt. David "Onion" BallAssistant Helm officer/ Pilot  USS Endeavour-ACommander Seymour Niples  JMC Blue DwarfWWW.Home.JMCBlueDwarf.com==================================