Lt. Cmdr. Jason Smegg: "We're all going to die! Who cares?"
The other Smegg's quarters
After the other Efof's PeaceShip arrives
"What was that???" Smegg asked his counterpart. "For the past, oh, I
don't know, 15 minutes I've been having the strangest feelings."
"Like what?" the Smegg-2 inquired.
"Well, for one thing, I could have sworn I hated that stuff you called
'tea', but then I just picked it up and chugged the rest down. I don't
know why. I actually liked the stuff then. And then the really weird
stuff started. Like how you sort of phased out of existence to be
replaced with a penguin dancing the macarena. And then the amusement-park
planet... It gives me a headache now just to try imagine that planet in
this room like it was a minute ago... You must think I'm crazy, babbling
on about all this."
"Oh, no," Smegg-2 said coyly. "I experienced all that too. You'll get
used to it."
"You did??? How is it --" He thought for a moment. "The pink tablets! You
drugged me! I bet you slipped an antidote in your cup while I wasn't
looking!"
"You seem to have discovered my plan," Smegg-2 said calmly. "Yes, I did
drug you. But I did not take an antidote. It was unneccessary. It's only
Soma - harmless Soma. Over here we take it all the time. I was only
trying to bring you into the light of Eternal Happiness."
Eternal Happiness - oh no, not again, the happy bomb had been enough
giddy stupor. "Well it doesn't quite seem to have worked, because I'm
mad! Mad at you for trying to drug me or whatever you were..." Then Smegg
forgot his un-happy train of thought as the soma coursing in his blood
detected and nullified the adrenaline rush. This soma stuff was more
powerful than the happy bomb! "What was I saying again?"
"How you like being on this ship, and how you just LOVE being happy."
"Oh, right. I LOVE being happy."
Just then the first NICENESS missile hit the ship.
"How odd," Smegg commented, his motivations gone. "We seem to be under
attack."
"Oh, goody," Smegg-2 said, "we get to go to the Great Recycler."
"The Great Recycler? What's that?"
"It's where everyone goes when they die. Their brains are ground up and
fed to monkeys. Makes the monkeys smarter, so they can be trained to do
menial work. Very efficient, you know."
"But how are we supposed to get there if we're blown to bits?"
"The missiles won't vaporize us, they'll just blow us into little bits
and whoever's attacking us will use their ramscoops to clean up and sort
out the useful brains and stuff to be recycled."
"That doesn't seem to be very efficient!"
"Who says it has to be?"
"You did!"
A second missile hit. Geez, those things take forever to reload. It was
nice being attacked by a bunch of pacifists. Their weapons sucked! How
did that UFP ever manage to survive in the Star Trek movies?
OOC - So, is this new Stewie McKenzie in any way related to engineer
Steev Mackenzyyyyyy?
Also, regarding the Flan, Smegg does not have a beard. (He's a "late
bloomer"!) Although that says nothing about his counterpart... I liked
Spock's counterpart's goatee in ST:TOS "Mirror Mirror"...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
One grizzled old sailor to another:
"Well, excuse me for saying so, 'Admiral' Phineas Q. Crunch,
but I still don't quite believe that yarn of yours
about the 'dreaded Cereal Pirates of Azhakbania'!"
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