Dear Santa

This is a version of Eminem's song "Stan" written and performed by the Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles, with a more seasonal subject than the original. If you have a chance, I really recommend downloading the sound file which you should be able to get from Napster. And any other song parodies Chris Moyles has done, they're all briliant!
 
 
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My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why Igot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowand I can't see at allAnd even if I could it'll all be gray,but your picture on my wallIt reminds me, that it's not so bad,it's not so bad
 
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why Igot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowand I can't see at allAnd even if I could it'll all be graybut your picture on my wallIt reminds me, that it's not so badit's not so bad
 
Dear Santa,I wrote you but you still ain't callin'Christmas is just around the corner and snow is fallin'I sent two letters back in Autumn I guess you haven't gott'em yetunless you did and you just haven't replied you fat lazy gitWhatzzup man, you been out again playin' golf?Anywayz, what's happenin', say hi to my mate RudolphI think he's a crazy reindeer as it goeswith them silly dumb-ass antlers, man, and that crazy red noseAnyway forget about that, man here's my present listI hope I get what I want or else I'll be well (pissed)I want one of them scooters to ride around ona Kylie Minogue calendar and a goddamn PokemonHey, what about those toys from TV's Robot Warsthat ain't difficult, you get 'em in all department storesAnyways, I gotta go now Santa, gotta go down the gymto stay trim, write back soon, this is Slim
 
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why Igot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowand I can't see at allAnd even if I could it'll all be graybut your picture on my wallIt reminds me, that it's not so badit's not so bad
 
Dear Santa, you still ain't called or wrotewhat's going on? I've been thinkin' that I've done somethin' wrongI wrote you already man, in fact I wrote you twiceThis year I ain't been naughty, man I been real niceBy the way, be careful round this neighbourhood, don't get whackedI don't want my presents been stolen out your big sackI'm gonna leave some mince pies at the bottom of the chimneyHey Santa, you gonna write back, fax me, ring meMy girlfriend think you're strange, I talk about you all the timeI can't wait to meet you Santa when you come round to mineDon't forget my presents man, I need that PikachuIf I don't get it, no talkin' from me I'll be eating reindeer stewAh, didn't mean to threaten you man that's just my wayHey, any chance when you can come I can ride your magic sleighAnywayz Santa, go get my presents readyI got go see my lady, write back soon, this is Shady
 
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why Igot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowand I can't see at allAnd even if I could it'll all be graybut your picture on my wallIt reminds me, that it's not so badit's not so bad
 
Dear Mr I'm too busy eatin' mince pies to write to my fansyou big fat red mother (fucker)I've been sending you letters for six months nowwhy ain't you been writing back, you fat lazy cowI hope you choke whilst drinking your egg nogYou silly fat ugly lazy pig-dogSittin' on your fat ass talking to Rudolph and BlitzenI'm here with no presents man, I'm (fuckin') bitchin'You ain't wrote back man, that crime is heinousI hope Rudolphs antlers kebab your tiny (penis)I hope you fall off that sleigh and land in yellow snowYou come down my chimney, I'll tell you where to goWhen you get to the bottom, don't be expectin' mince piesYou'll be talkin' to my fist, right between your (fuckin') eyesHow you gonna fly when your sleigh is out on bricksYou and your stupid reindeer, you bunch of (pricks)I'm cycling in the rain on my 10-speed bikeBut when I rock the mic, I rock the mic rightAll I wanted was presents, but you couldn't stop meddlin'Hey shut up elf and keep on peddlin'Sorry Santa, that's one of your elfs going side saddleI found him last night, so I'm taking him for a paddleSo Santa, it seems you're out of luckyou can shove Christmas up your ass you fat (fuck)
 
(woahhh, splash)
 
Sincerely yours, this is Stan
 
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why Igot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowand I can't see at allAnd even if I could it'll all be graybut your picture on my wallIt reminds me, that it's not so badit's not so bad
 
Dear Slim, I meant to write you soonerbut I've been busy, all this flying business makes me quite dizzyI'm flattered that you talk about me all the timeyour girlfriend shouldn't get upset, it's hardly a crimeHowever, here's a question I'd like to ask if I'm ablehave you ever been described as been slightly unstableThe reason I ask is that you want a Pikachuthat toy's for a five year old, what the (fuck's) wrong with youAs for kidnapping my elf, not a good planI'll rip your (fuckin') head off, you crazy mad manI'm gonna bust you up bad, you dirty little scroteI'll rip your head off and shove a pokemon down your throatYou don't deserve any presents 'cause you're (fuckin') loopyYou soft pussy of a girl, I'm not gonna give you a snoopy'Cause you bust my balls for so long, heres what I'll doon the night of Christmas eve, I'm coming to get youYou see I may be Santa, but I'm rock hardI could kill a man with just a Christmas cardWhen you stole my elf, you made me sickI've had elfs stolen from me before you thick (prick)There was this one guy, had an elf on a bikedrove him into a river late one nightAnd in the basket in the front there was a letterbut it didn't say who it was toCome to think about it, it was you
Damn.
 
Ho ho ho ho!
==================================Lt. David "Onion" BallAssistant Helm officer/ Pilot  USS Endeavour-ACommander Seymour Niples  JMC Blue DwarfWWW.Home.JMCBlueDwarf.com==================================