Hamster Hangovers...

Where: Phil FeBuggure's living quarters.
When: Errrm... don't know, it's hard to read a clock while extremely
hung over.
Who: White Wolf, WD-40.
Phil & Rufus finally gave up waiting for a reaction, and went into
the kitchen to get something to eat, leaving Jay sleeping very
soundly on the couch. And the huge hamster was lying face down on the
floor next to the couch snoring loudly. Wd-40 was also lying on the
floor, but face up.
The large hamster twitched slightly, and then slowly, his eyes
fluttered open. And he saw the dead black bear with it's head stuck
through a wooden fence lying on the floor just inside the door, with
something that looked like large plastic dildo sticking out it's
back...
White Wolf immediately grabbed his head and groaned
loudly, "Ooooohhhh... What did I drink?"
Wd-40 suddenly sat up and replied, "A Gelf hungover cure, I believe.
Either that, or Phil & Rufus were practicing CPR And mouth to mouth
on you & Jay for kicks."
"Ewww. I didn't need to know that... I meant, What did I drink last
night?"
"Sorry, sir. You had 10 Gelf style Blue Martini's, with cheddar
shrimp chasers on the last five." replied Wd-40.
"I guess that explains why I don't remember much... Just bit's and
pieces." Commented the hamster, while turning over, sitting up, and
rubbing his eyes.
Then the hamster suddenly blinked, glanced at the bear quickly, and
hesitatingly asked, "Did we really stuff that bear full of pimento's
from one of the shipment containers of stuffed olives, and put 132
pink flamingo's in Keto's empty living quarters?"
"Yes." answered WD-40, looking embarrassed.
"Oh, Boy!" Remarked the Huge hamster clasping his head and
continued, "And did I really swap a book of demonlogy for Father
Burn's bible and commit several vile acts in the church with a wood
wind instrument while wearing the marching band's drummerette
costume?"
"No.", Said Wd-40 and finishing in a wail, "But, you were watching as
I Diiiddd..."
"OY!" remarked the hamster, while standing up and heading for the
kitchen, "I better order up myself some coffee to wake up some more."
"Then you better order some milk instead." replied Wd-40.
"Why?" Asked Phil re-entering the room holding a cup.
"Because after Mr. White Wolf ate the Ma-huang from Mrs. Seltzman's
Herb garden, while singing 'opps, I did it again', Mrs. Seltzman
insisted he drink some coffee from the nearby vending machine, and he
ordered all the vending machine's to swap chocolate flavored cheese
spread for Coffee, and Coffee for milk, Milk for chocolate flavored
cheese spread."
"Oh... I guess that explains why this cup of coffee tasted sweeter
and sludgier that I thought it should...", Said Phil looking ruefully
at his cup, and then turning back towards his kitchen and
yelling, "Rufus? Could you bring out your sisters & your glasses of
milk and order yourselves a couple of glasses of chocolate flavored
cheese spread instead?"
"Okay...Did we do anything else?" Asked the hamster, worried about
what the answer was going to be
"Only one more, thing."
"Which was?"
"We herded about 200 of the lemmings from the mini zoo into Cain's
interogation office, with tiny little 'Jay' nametag's on them.",
Stated Wd-40 looking really ashamed of himself and whining, "It was
my idea for a prank... I'm so sorry..."
"Gee Dad, How did you know that the dispensers would swap the food
like that?" Said Rufus as hge came out of the kitchen with the two
mugs of coffee.
"Time loop experience, Son." Answered Phil all knowingly, as he toke
one mug and casually handed the other to White Wolf.
"Your full of it dad!" Replied Rufus as he disappeared back into the
kitchen.
Phil halted his cup in mid drink, and suddenly followed Rufus into
the kitchen and angrily demanded, "Did you just mouth off to me in
front of the First officer?"
"No way, Dad. I meant you were full of really good time loop
experience." Replied Rufus while disappearing into his room.
"Hey! Don't walk away from me like that while I'm talking to you!"
Called Phil from the kitchen.
Suddenly there was cell phone ringing.
"I'll get it!" Yelled Amber from her room, quickly followed by a "No,
I'll get it." by Phil, & Rufus at the same time.
"Wait a minute. That's my cell phone ring tone. But where is it?"
Said the huge hamster, patting all of his pockets, "the last time I
used it was just before I started working on you WD..."
"Perhaps that explains why my groinal attachment seems to be
vibrating and ringing." Remarked Wd-40.
White Wolf bent and put his ear up next to Wd-40's groin, and
listened.
"Opps! That'll be easy to fix. Just let me answer this." Said the
hamster and then hit Wd-40 sharply on the back.
--------<A McDonalds Super Sized Snip>---------
Amidst the chaos Ambassador Niples decided to get out his mobile
phone and ring White Wolf.
"Hello White Wolf old chap! How are you?"
Efof clung to the Ambassador as an insect crashed through the window
of a bar, its head been covered in alcohol and set alight by a brave
barman. Unfortunately for the barman, one of the huge bugs stomped
the bar as it walked past.
White Wolf was shocked to hear from Seymour. And by the sounds in the
background it sounded like he was in a warzone. Even though his tone
of voice was more like he was on the phone to his mother.
"Seymour? I'm erm.... fine...thanks. What's happening there? We're on
our way."
"Ahh well, bit of a problem you see. I think you might want to step
on it and send some security and any available officers down here
quite quickly."
Seymour ignored the scream as a man next to him got beheaded by one
of the soldier bugs. Efof pulled the Ambassador away while the insect
was busy eating the carcass.
"What's happening? ...I dont understand what's going on."
"Well there are these killer alien bugs, they look like the ones
we've met before on Ffion..... oh and I believe theres a promotion
coming your way, the Queen was going to pull some strings in the
Space Core and get you promoted to Captain."
"But I thought the queen doesn't have any influence in the Space
Core?" White Wolf replied.
"She doesn't, I suppose she just shows them her boobs..."
White Wolf never expected Seymour to say that.
"...Oh I'll have to go though White Wolf, it appears that a giant bug
is about to stand on me. Bye bye."
The phone went dead, leaving White Wolf wondering what was going on
down on New Ibiza...
--------<End of the McDonalds Super Sized Snip>---------
When the cell phone call ended, White Wolf just sat there muttered
dumbfounded, "I'm a Captain?!?"
"I guess it wasn't for any of us." Said Phil as he walked back into
the room, and saw the huge hamster bent over in front of Wd-40.
"Now there's something you don't see everyday..." Said Jay, now awake
on the couch.
"Um... Oh! This is not what it looks like." Says the Large Hamster
quickly snapping up upright, "Niples just told me I've been promoted
to Captain, and New Ibiza's under act by some Giant bugs..."
Phil folded his arms accross his chest, and commented, "I knew there
was going to be some side effects with the hangover cure, but I
didn't expect this."
Jay asked, "Has our Captain always sent you messages like that via Wd-
40's groin?"
"No, of course not! I just accidently put my cell phone in Wd-40
yesterday when I was repairing him. That really was a cell call from
*Ambassador Niples* telling me that I've been promoted to Captain,
and that something's going on on New Ibiza."
"Ahh huh." Said Jay.
"Hey! I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!" Said the huge hamster.
Phil & Jay glanced at each other.
"Look, I really *do* think Seymour is in trouble down there and we
need to help if we can. Now I think you've got just enough time to
make one of two possible calls. You can call Cerebrum and order up a
Pysch Evaluation to see if I've flipped out, or you can call Alota
and help me assemble an away team to go down there and make sure
Seymour is ok..." Explained the hamster, pausing to finish
with, "Now, who are you gonna call?"
<Tag - Phil, Andy... ANYONE?>