Niples -"Revellations on New Ibiza"

Seymour Niples And Efof Yuwan'Kar
New Ibiza
Attraction #003: The Volcano
Due to the unwritten law “Every tropical paradise should have at least one
dangerous feature i.e. Volcano” the tropical continent the Captain, Queen
and Efof were staying on did in fact have a volcano.
The Queen had sat this tour out, wanting to work on her ‘full body’ tan.
Which Seymour had assumed must mean that she was going to the nudist beach,
and in a form of protest against the Queen of England going naked in public
–Seymour decided to boycott the event and not be there. Okay it was a badly
thought out protest, but Seymour was a man of morales. Plus he wanted to get
Efof out of the way of he’d be slobbering all over her.
“Are we there yet?” Efof asked as they climbed the steep mountain to the
volcano top.
“No Efof, and please stop asking until we get there.”
“But how will I know if I don’t ask….” Efof shut up seeing the annoyance in
Seymour’s eyes.
The Ffionian was wearing a bright Hawaiian style shirt while Seymour went
for his original white shirt style and a hat that made him look like an
Australian cricket umpire. Seymour got his mobile communicator out of his
pocket to check if it had rang yet. He held it in his hand as he wiped his
brow with his elbow, the heat was blistering. He hoped the volcano would be
a fascinating experience, but doubted Efof would appreciate the geological
significance.
“Why do you keep checking your phone cap’n?” Efof asked.
“I’m expecting Phil to ring me to tell me when he’s on his way. Holly’s
probably messed up the communications again.”
Efof hadn’t been paying too much attention to Seymour’s and the Queen’s
business together, he asked as innocently as he could, embarrassed that he
should have been taking notes in case Seymour asked him a question about it
later on.
“Urm……Why exactly……well why…why is Phil coming again?…..Its not about the
football is it?”
Seymour sighed as he had done the hundred other times Efof asked him a
question about something he hadn’t been paying attention to. He spoke slowly
so that Efof could understand, he had no fear of being patronising because
Efof doesn’t yet grasp what being patronising is.
“He’s going to make a wormhole for the Queen to travel back to Earth so she
can live here on New Ibiza and travel to Buckingham palace (when its been
rebuilt of course) quickly and easily without anyone knowing she’s here.
“Oh.” Said the naïve Efof.
After a pause Seymour wondered if Efof had even understood that time, could
he possibly dumb it down any more?
Then Efof said something which completely startled the middleclass
ex-Captain. Instead of a usual comment like: “what’s a wormhole?’ or ‘Wher’s
England again?’ Efof said:
“Would that be a transphasic space-time wormhole that enables matter to bend
space and travel through it really fast by slowing down time or a matter
dimension wormhole that sends matter as polarized particles which will be
picked up and converted back into correct sequence at the other end?”
Seymour was stunned into silence.
A few moments passed by as they continued to climb the mountain. Then
suddenly Seymour stopped and looked directly into Efof’s eyes.
“You know about wormholes?”
Efof bounded up and down excitedly before bashfully linking his arms behind
his back and kicking the ground.
“Well a little bit, I used to work on the Ffionian matter transport repair
and installation project. We had lots of transporters you know!”
“Yes I know Efof, but I didn’t know you knew! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You never asked!”
Seymour paused in thought for a second. “I will have to tell Phil, this is
splendid news, you can both work on this together!”
Seymour dialled the Blue Dwarf on his mobile phone, a small image of Holly
appeared on the digital display.
“Holly can I be put through to Phil please.”
“Ooh Ey, the weather looks nice ther-“
“Just do it please Holly.”
Holly disappeared and Jo Piedes voice came through the phone.
“Erm….Good Afternoon Jo, I’m sorry but it seems that Holly has put me
through to the wrong number. I need him for a wormhole experiment…..”
“Wormhole experiment? Anything to do with Quantum Mechanics and
Indeterminism? Just out of interest, is it anything to do with measuring
electrons that are co-existing in the same place at the same time?”
Seymour was stunned again. He spoke slowly.
“….You….you know about wormholes too?”
Yeah, from my work with the experimental Duality drive on the Quasar….”
“Why didn’t I know this?”
“You nev-“
“I never asked, yes I know.” Seymour took a deep breath. “Well you bring
Phil here in a shuttle and we’ll see what we can come up with.”
Seymour hung up. He was in shock that Efof knew ….something. All this time
he’d thought he must have been brain damaged or something.
Efof grinned as if he were reading his mind.
“Not just a pretty face eh?” said Efof picking his nose.
<Phil, Jo- heres your summons!>
David "Onion" Ball
Captain Seymour Niples, JMC Blue Dwarf
WWW.BlueDwarf.co.uk
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He went to kiss her, but remembering her recent wave of vomiting, thought
better of it and went to kiss her hand. The first one he went for was
covered in vomit, so he changed his mind and went for the other. That one
was covered in blood.
What a predicament for a gentleman.
(Katrina Swete+Seymour Niples, BlueDwarf.co.uk)
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