Niples "Alien Glacier"

HRH Seymour Niples, Efof Yuwan’Kar
New Ibiza
Early morning
Seymour awoke at his usual time, which was usually three quarters of an hour
before everyone else. He needed the extra time for grooming, his mother had
told him to always look his best. After a Jacuzzi and a cooked breakfast
Seymour planned to go down to the beach. He had discovered that he could
afford the expensive luxuries that the ‘Hotel Royale’ offered as someone
somewhere had forgotten to cancel the Royal account, even with the supposed
King on the run. He was starting to settle down now, he hadn’t had an
encounter with the royal guard since he came to New Ibiza, either that meant
they had stopped looking or just hadn’t found him yet. It was probably the
latter, which is why Seymour wanted to get his end of the Queen’s deal done
as soon as possible.
Seymour walked down to the beach to put his towel on his sunbed. If he
didn’t then some Germans always beat him to the good spots. He passed Efof’s
hotel, the Ffionian had been given a room at one of the lowest budget hotels
in the resort when he started working in the bar, probably one of the worst
on the planet. Seymour didn’t bother to call in for Efof as the Ffionian
didn’t usually rise until nearly midday.
Seymour sat on his sunbed enjoying the morning sun tingling on his face. He
took a sip of iced tea and closed his eyes. Suddenly he was jumped upon by
someone, he felt a weight on his stomach and strong legs wrap around him. He
opened his eyes to see a delighted Brittany Jennifer Royal.
Startled, Seymour attempted to push her away. “Ma’am please, this isn’t
proper, if someone ought to see…”
“Oh Seymour you stuck up twonk, just listen. I sent a message to England
telling the Royal Guard that I’m okay….”
“But what about our deal?”
“The deal’s still on ponsy-pants, and you’d better get on with it- I can’t
wait to go back now!”
“You’ve soon changed your tune.” Seymour shook his head, he never could
understand women. Change their minds all the time.
“Well they sent a message back, the entire British Empire is glad to hear
I’m okay, people are more patriotic than ever. People are actually putting
flags up!”
“Bloody hell, really?!” Seymour almost went into shock, he was the only
person he knew that had a Union Jack in his office.
“Yeah, they love me! They want me back!!!” She hugged him excitedly and
Seymour blushed, trying to pull away from the hug.
She rolled her eyes and climbed off him. But still stroked his chest
affectionately as she did so.
Brittany-Jennifer ran along the sand towards the nearest beach bar, hoping
that it served extremely potent cocktails this early. “I’m gonna get
completely pissed today to celebrate!” she called out.
“Hmmm, I never in my life imagined I’d hear the Queen of England utter those
words…” Seymour said to himself. Then after a quick thought called out to
her. “how about instead we go sight seeing?”
She scowled at him.
“Reluctantly he said “I’ll buy you a few drinks later I suppose.”
“Yipee! Said Brittany-Jennifer, running back to him, doing ballet dancing on
the beach, still in a happy mood, she fell into Seymours arms.
“You know you’re almost as excitable as Efof!” Seymour said, in
embarrassment at this young girl making a fool of herself and including him
in her show-off display.
****Later in the day****
Seymour, Brittany-Jennifer and Efof
New Ibiza visitors attraction #14: The Alien Glacier
The three followed a guided tour down a cavern that lead to the attraction
they had come to see. The Queen was being very chatty, especially to
Seymour- but he didn’t mind, in fact he liked the attention. Efof as usual
was looking in awe at everything he saw, “Ooh sparkly!” he said to himself
pointing to the bits of ice in the cave.
The tunnel opened out into a massive cavern, one that had been naturally
formed- not unlike the car-park Seymour had parked the Space Eagle in. On
the far wall of the cavern, blocked off by a visitors handrail was an entire
wall of ice, this was the end of a huge block of ice that was kept cool in
the cavern. Seymour read the information on assorted boards out to the
group. Efof listened intently while Brittany didn’t even pretend to take an
interest in anything remotely educational.
But when the cavern lights were turned out, and the only lights that were on
were shining through the ice, they all looked. For in the massive ice chunk
was a huge beast, an insect, like a giant beetle with horrible pointy fangs,
spiny legs, lots of red almost glowing eyes. Luckily it was frozen solid in
the ice.
“How did this…?” Asked Brittany in amazement. “What is it? How did a bug
grow that big?”
“Its an alien.” Said Seymour reading the guide he’d purchased at the
entrance. “Apparently it was frozen in a glacier about 1000 or so years ago.
Some people think it’s still alive in there, local myths I think. So no-ones
ever excavated that deep into the glacier for fear of setting it free.”
“Cool” Said Brittany.
Seymour expected a similar comment from Efof but he was unusually quiet.
“Are you alright Efof, old chum?”
Efof stood still, staring at the giant insect. “Over 1000 years ago?”
Seymour suddenly remembered that Efof’s planet was wiped out 1000 years ago.
It usually didn’t bother him as he had lots to worry about, but it must be a
shock sometimes to know that all your family are dead, and that you’re the
only one left of your species. Seymour knew that sometimes just mentioning a
number or a year can set these things off.
“I’m sorry Efof, that was insensitive…” He started to apologise before
Brittany cut in.
“Efof I think I saw an ice cream van at the entrance, here’s some money.”
As if nothing had been mentioned, Efof was suddenly his old happy self and
ran off excitedly to find the ice cream van.
Now Seymour and the Queen were alone. Seymour leant with his back against
the handrail, Brittany moved closer, looking him square in the eyes.
“Hows your fiancé Seymour?”
The question took him completely offguard. “My…Katrina? She’s okay…I think.”
In fact it had been a little over half a year since he’d actually seen her.
They were supposed to be getting married, but Seymour had been too busy for
a relationship. He missed her dearly but other things had come between them.
“It must be hard being so far apart, I bet you’re missing her a lot.” She
pressed her body closer to his.
“Yes, Yes I do miss her.” He said, meaning it, but instead of thinking of
Katrina only saw the pretty young girl in front of him. In fact he was quite
drawn to he, she was very attractive, and had many attractive qualities
Seymour admired. Especially being the queen, Seymour had always seen
nobility as something to be admired, something pure and perfect.
“No, no!” He pushed her away, holding his own temples. “I can’t let you do
this to me! I’m in love with Katrina. I know we’ve been away for a long time
but that will only make us stronger!”
“That’s what you say to yourself, we all say that. Hoping. When in fact
everyday you’re apart something in your relationship dies. That love you
were building together brick by brick, it comes down brick by brick.”
“You’re wrong!”
“Am I?” Her voice was becoming more sinister now. “Tell me you don’t desire
me. You want me.”
“Its not true! I may be…lonely….but I’m a man of my honour of my word, I
promised Katrina that I loved her and I wont break that promise!”
“Honour? Always hiding behind that, using it as an excuse. Thinking you’re a
gentleman. Well what does that mean? To be a gentleman? It could be
anything, its hardly specific.”
“Okay, I admit it. I’m lonely. I may be attracted to you…”
“Go on.” The Queen had an almost wicked smile on her face. She wondered what
Katrina would say if she heard this. Seymour admitting to liking another
girl.
“…But its only physical.” Seymour took a deep breath and stood upright to
her, puffing out his chest. “I miss Katrina, no offense to you but I believe
that in this life there is only one person we are perfectly matched with.
Who makes us truly happy. Katrina is my girl.”
“Even if she’s just a yankee cleaner?”
“Even if she’s just a cleaner.” Seymour said, proudly admitting to the queen
that he preferred a cleaner to her.
“Hmm” Said the Brittany-Jenniffer.
“Hmm?” Asked Seymour.
“Hmm.” She said. “That’s good enough.”
“Good enough? Was that a test?”
“Yup, and you passed well, I wondered what you were really like beneath that
pompous posh exterior. You’re not all bad.”
Seymour reached for the her throat. If she wasn’t officially reinstated as
the queen yet then it couldn’t be treason could it?
<<I’m ready anytime you are Jo+Phil>>
David "Onion" Ball
Captain Seymour Niples, JMC Blue Dwarf
WWW.BlueDwarf.co.uk
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He went to kiss her, but remembering her recent wave of vomiting, thought
better of it and went to kiss her hand. The first one he went for was
covered in vomit, so he changed his mind and went for the other. That one
was covered in blood.
What a predicament for a gentleman.
(Katrina Swete+Seymour Niples, BlueDwarf.co.uk)
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