Niples + Efof "Football practise"

Seymour Niples and Efof
New Ibiza
It had been a few days since Seymour had arrived on the planet, he had
started to get to like it, the beaches were nice (if you could find one that
hadn’t already been invaded by thousands of sun bathers). Although He
wouldn’t admit to doing something as time-wasting as sun bathing, Seymour
had to use the excuse that he was “appreciating the rocks” and “found
watching the tides intriguing”.
Even the music blaring out all over the planet didn’t bother him anymore, as
it was mainly calm soothing chillout music. It reminded him a lot of his
favourite classical music.
He’d been staying in a hotel as to not intrude on the Queen. He one called
“The hotel Royale” and stayed there. He thought it was quite ironic, with
him still being the King. He’d contacted the Blue Dwarf a few times to see
if there were any science officers available that would be able to come and
set up a wormhole for the queen, but everyone seemed to be busy. He also
left a message on Whitewolf’s answering machine suggesting him to bring the
Blue Dwarf to New Ibiza after the current mission had finished. The crew
probably needed a good holiday.
Seymour was laid on a fine sandy beach, he was amazed how clean the entire
place was. He had found a secluded beach in a cove with only a few other
people here, surrounded by tall cliffs he felt safe. He shut his eyes and
listened to the water rippling.
Suddenly a shadow was cast over him.
Seymour opened his eyes to see a 4-armed beast standing over him. Seymour
rolled out of the way and sprang to his feet. Then realised it was only
Efof.
“Good gracious Efof, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”
“Sorry Cap’n!” Said Efof, his voice dripping with excitement as always. He
sat down next to the Captain’s beach towel and then sprang up again, then
layed down, then got up again.
Seymour layed down and started to get annoyed with the Ffionians fidgeting.
“My Dear Efof what is wrong, why can’t you keep still?”
“Well… well. You know when I was talking with Phil on the phone?”
“Indeed” Seymour imagined Phil holding the phone away from his ear as Efof
talked none stop excitedly about things Phil took for granted.
“He wanted me to play football when we got back. What’s football?”
Seymour sighed. “It’s a sport where you use your feet to kick a ball, its
very common for some reason but not a sport that I regularly take an
interest in.”
“Oh.” Said Efof. There was a pause then Efof asked “But can you teach me?”
Seymour opened his eyes and looked squarely at the fidgeting Ffionian.
“Please.” Efof pleaded.
“I’m sorry Efof, I don’t know much about football.”
“Please.”
“Efof I’m sorry I’ve never plated a game of football in my life. Well once
when I was at school.”
“So you have played it? And you will teach me?!” Efof said excitedly.
“Why can’t you play cricket, or croquet? Something a man of my stature
knows?”
“Whats cricket?”
“Oh dear god!” Said Seymour raising his voice in annoyance rather than
anger. He stood up and brushed the sand off his khaki trousers. “Obviously
I’m not going to get any peace until I teach you. So I might as well start.”
“Yippee!” shouted Efof, doing cartwheels with his four arms.
Seymour hung his head in embarrassment.
“Right Efof. Efof that’s enough! Okay, forst things first, we need a ball…
Efof, where are you going?”
Efof ran up to people playing volleyball on the beach and took one of their
spare balls. A burly man turned around in disbelief and watched him.
“Terribly sorry, we will return it soon!” Shouted Seymour to the man,
wishing that Efof would behave more like a grown up and ask before he
borrowed things.
“Okay Efof, put the ball on the ground. Ready? And you’re going to kick the
ball, Efof pay attention please, EFOF LEAVE THAT SEAGULL ALONE!!!”
Efof ran back giggling.
“Okay, if you don’t want to learn.” Seymour sat back down again.
“Oh no, Captain please! I do want to learn!!”
Seymour rolled his eyes and got back up again. “Right. Kick the ball with
your foot.”
“like this?” Efof prodded the ball as if he were checking if it was alive.
“Not exactly, a bit harder…”
“Show me.”
“Pardon?”
“Show me…. Please?” Efof whined.
“But I can’t…. I mean… its not my….”
Efof gave him his best puppydog eyes. Seymour started the suddenly feel hot,
he was never any good at football, when he was very young he had been forced
to go on a school exchange trip from his posh private boarding school to a
normal school. There he was forced to play football and was teased because
he couldn’t kick the ball properly. He could still hear the taunts echoing
through his mind. Which is why ever since he had kept to his own sports.
Seymour took a short run up to the ball and kicked it in a way which should
probably not be described as ‘the most manly of kicks’.
It was either the shouting in his mind or someone further down the beach
yelled out “Poofter!”
Efof looked at him. “That’s how you do it?”
“Indeed…well I mean, something like that. I’m probably not one hundred
percent accurate with my balance as it had been a long while since I last
played.”
Efof kicked it back the same way. “Oh wow! I can play football!”
“Hmmm, maybe it would be best if you were in goal.” Seymour admitted. “All
you have to do is stop the ball from getting past, ready?”
Seymour kicked the ball at Efof, it struck him square in the face and
bounced off with him barely even flinching.
“Was that okay?” Said Efof.
“Well it didn’t get past so ….I….suppose so.”
“Wow! I can play football!” Efof ran up and down the beach booting the ball
all over the place.
“That should keep him busy for at least half an hour.” Seymour said laying
down on his beach towel as Efof annoyed everyone else for a change.
David "Onion" Ball
Captain Seymour Niples, JMC Blue Dwarf
WWW.BlueDwarf.co.uk
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He went to kiss her, but remembering her recent wave of vomiting, thought
better of it and went to kiss her hand. The first one he went for was
covered in vomit, so he changed his mind and went for the other. That one
was covered in blood.
What a predicament for a gentleman.
(Katrina Swete+Seymour Niples, BlueDwarf.co.uk)
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