Counseling and Conspiracies

Who: Zacks, Cubies, Cerebrum
Where: The Conference Room
When: Just after 'Duel of the Fates' finishes playing in the background
-----Snip-----
"Now, where were we?" Cerebrum said, after the lawyer and anti-lawyer
had exited the room. "Ah yes, there appear to be thirty Zacks and thirty
Cubies. Just a minute," then he produced a blue pill and swallowed it. A
minute later, he said. "You're all still here, therefore, you must be real.
Now, I believe Cubie was saying that Zack constantly gets you two into
trouble?"
-----End Snip-----
The seated Cubie nodded. "Yes! Every time I turn around, he's getting
us into some sort of fix. He provides absolutely no stability!"
The seated Zack protested. "Oh, really? What about that time we spent
a year on that island in the south Pacific? Nothing but idyllic coconut
foraging! No stress whatsoever!"
Cubie frowned. "That's because my ST link-up failed! We were marooned
there!"
Zack sighed. "You are so NEGATIVE! Always seeing the bad in
everything!"
Cubie turned a dark red. "That's because everything goes to pieces
with you! Look at our track record on the Blue Dwarf! Your job at
McKenzie's ends in the temporary removal of the entire store from the
Promenade! Your next job at Parrott's set off fire alarms all over the
ship!"
Zack was flabbergasted. "You can't possibly blame all this on ME!
Owens's place was destroyed by the Scutter revolution! That was Lenin, not
me!" Zack turned to Cerebrum. "You were there! Tell her!"
There was an awkward pause.
Zack sucked air between his teeth. "Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry. But you
know what I mean!"
Cubie pounded her fist on the table. "Don't change the subject. The
point is that there's no possibility of a normal life with you. I'll never
be a mother as long as I'm chasing after you."
Thirty Zacks blinked. The seated Zack cleared his suddenly dry throat.
"You want to be a mother? But you're a hologram!"
Cubie was livid. "OH! So that makes me an unfit mother?!"
Zack shook his head. "No! I just . . . " his voice dropped to a
mumble, "I didn't know you WANTED to be a mother."
Twenty-nine Cubies snorted derisively. In unison they shouted, "PAY
ATTENTION!!"
Twenty-nine Zacks meekly shuffled out of the room. Their Cubies
followed, and the drive room was filled with Zacks and Cubies trying to find
their matches.
"You just get back from Altair VI?"
"Where?"
"Never mind."
"Boy, are you getting fat! I'm going to put my Zack on a diet!"
"Hey! I AM 'your' Zack!"
"Whoops! Sorry about that!"
"HEY! Get your hands off my wife!"
"This IS my wife!"
"Not for another decade, sonny!"
Within a few minutes, the confusion was sorted out and the various
pairs dropped through ST-jumptubes. The drive room crew was left staring at
one another, mystified.
White Wolf shrugged. "It's a temporal thing."
<Back in the conference room>
Cerebrum was contemplating a second pill, but now that he was dealing
with two people instead of sixty-two, he felt more in his realm. "Ah, so
you're dissatisfied with your family life. THAT is a fixable problem!"
Zack and Cubie leaned forward. "What do you suggest?"
<Reply - Cerebrum>
==========
<Just outside an office that is deserted for no good reason>
The ST-jumptube opened, depositing the still-squabbling Zack and Cubie
on the deckplates. Zack managed to land on Cubie, both padding his landing
and adding fuel to the fire.
"But you're a hologram!"
"SO?! I have dignity - or did before I married you!"
Zack rolled his eyes. "Oh, please! You were an accountant for the
STCP!"
Cubie glared at him. "Beats being a hovercar rental agent. A junior
one at that."
"WHAT!?! I was assistant manager!"
"Right. That's why you were vacuuming out the back of the rental car
when we met."
"Well, I-"
Cubie cut him off with a hand over his mouth. "SHHHH!"
"Mglph?"
"Listen!" Cubie and Zack crept to the door of the office and listened.
"If like I predict, the BD crew screws up this simple mission of
bringing the oil back to Earth in time after Admiral Buttecus negotiates the
emergency oil shipment, then we can use this failure on the Blue Dwarf
crew's part as an excuse to show that this crew is grossly incompetent and
recommend that the JMC high command should split them up permanently. Then
we can reassign the ship to another newly promoted Captain named Drechmeah
and fill it with a newly assembled crew."
"Drechmeah? Never heard of him." The second voice laughed. It was
obvious that the owner of the second voice was transmitting from elsewhere,
and not actually in the room.
"Very funny, Anders. We're talking about my son, soon to be your
son-in-law."
"Sorry, Tobasis. Had to pull your leg. Eunice Drechmeah . . . I guess
she could do worse."
The man in the office forced a laugh. "With HER teeth - I must agree."
Now the man on the other end of the transmission's laugh sounded
strained. "I see being an in-law with you will be interesting."
"The things we do for our children." Tobasis sighed. "Ah, well.
Tobasis out."
Cubie pulled Zack back. "That sounds bad!"
"Glrph!"
Cubie nodded. "I agree! Let's go talk to Captain Keto."
"Wphlth."
Cubie nodded again. "That's right - that WAS the Mad Universe Blue
Dwarf."
They both shuddered. Scutters with ointment guns - brrrrr!
Then they were off to speak to White Wolf.
<Reply - White Wolf>
~Zacks & Cubies~