Have a swig Jay please...

>"By the way Ensign" siad the security guard "the Admirals also
>incontinent...."
>Dean stared in wide eyed shock when he saw where the liquid was coming
>from....
>
"Just a second ButtKiss." mumbled Dean, vomiting over the gangplank.
"WHAT? SPEAK UUUOUOUOUOUOUP!!" yelled the geriatric as he slipped in Dean's
vomit and fell, arse over tip into one of the men standing at the bottom of
the gangplank.
"Blimey, my cleaners are awfully careless, here let me help you up." said
Dean, leaping down the gangplank.
"He's your responsibility now mate." said one of the guards, helpig his
comrade out from underneath the fallen admiral.
"Gee, thanks a lot." said Dean, grabbing the old man's hand and helping him
up the gangplank, and stepping carefully over the pool of urine-coloured
vomit, making a careful note to get Jay to try some of this new, exotic
wine. Having filled the bottle, he pressurised the airlock and requested
permission for take-off.
"Oh no, wait a minute tower."
"What?" asked the perplexed controller.
"I've lost ButtKiss."
"So did we. He was lsot for days till someone spotted him working in
McDonalds."
"Tower, I don't actually have a McDonald's on this particular vessel...Oh,
wait, here he comes. Permission to take-off control?"
"Permission granted. Get the old sod out of here."
"Wilco." said Dean, flipping off the mic and lifting off, the 'Bug wobbling
before lining up and firing towards the bay doors.
"Tower?"
"Yes?"
"Doors."
"Oh yes."
And lo, the doors opened. And Dean changed his underwear.
<LATER - WHEN CLEAR OF THE SHIP>
Setting the craft to head for the BD's current position, Dean headed out
back to find the old fool. "Admiral Buttecuss?"
"Yes?"
"Where are you?"
"Over here! By the microwave!"
"What ever are you doing there. There are no in-flight meals on Starbug's
these days! JMC can't afford them."
"Meals? MEALS? I'm just heating up my teeth you know, thought it would make
them more supple."
Dean headed back to the cockpit.
"Blue Dwarf?"
"Yes?" came WW over the com.
"Get to the promenade and buy a set of false teeth please sir."
"Whatever for? trying to learn the castanets?" WW replied scathingly.
"Not exactly sir. The Admiral just melted his."
"Good lord, how?"
"Microwave."
"It's original."
"It certainly is sir. I'd better go before he tries to see what happens with
his extremities."
"Good Idea, Dean, out."
"ADMIRAL?"
"MMPH?"
"What's he done now." muttered Dean, turning away from the viewscreen which
showed that the BD was only 5 minutes away.
"MMMMPH!"
"CERTAINLY SIR."
"MMMMMMMMMMPH!"
"It's worse then talking to MiniPhil for crying out loud. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
YOU SIR. TAKE THE TEETH OUT AND TRY AGAIN!"
"I was wondering what this is." said the Admiral, looking at the big handle
which (those of you who have seen the extended version of Tikka to Ride will
know what I mean) detached the engines from the front of the bug.
"DON'T TOUCH!"
"What was that?" asked the admiral, stepping forward and falling over, his
head banging the handle... "This is becoming a habit you know." he said,
dusting himself down, "I say, why ever are you crying."
Dean was sitting, in a pool of oil, gnashing his teeth and sobbing gently,
repeating the phrase "Why me?" whilst watching the rear of the Bug spin off
into space.
"Sir?"
"Yes young man?"
"YOu are a complete ARSE!"
"Why absolutley, there are far too many cars on the roads these days, it's
disgraceful."
"Oh sod off you deaf git."
"Your miff doesn't fit? Good god man, its absolutely boiling in here, why
ever are you talking about miffs?"
Dean started sobbing again, and went back to the cockpit.
"BD?"
"Yes?"
"shoot me now."
"No can do."
"Ok, tell Jay he's a dead man."
"I AGREE!" came Alota's voice.
"I thoght you'd gone." said WW.
"I had, I just came back to say that line."
"Oh. Goodbye."
"Goodbye."
"BD Out."
Dean settled into the pilots chair. "Let's land, then I can smegging smeg
smegging Chrysler till his smegging smeg is smegged up smegging properly!"
Jay prepared to meet the Admiral, along with WW and several other senior
officers (i.e. whoever wants to nick this post after I've finished with it)
As the 2/3's of the Starbug settled, ungainfully to the ground, Jay stepped
forward and unrolled the red carpet.
The hatch opened and outstepped Dean and the Admiral, when they had come
down the stairs, and WW had started talking to the Admiral, Dean started a
conversation with Jay.
"Jay?"
"Yes Dean?"
"Try this wine, I had some on that ship, tell me what you think."
"Right now?"
"Right now."
"Very well." said Jay, grasping the bottle and taking a big swig, "certainly
has plenty of nose." Jay concurred, wondering why Dean had sank to the floor
with laughter...
Dean "Shoot me, please!" Thomas
<OOC: Revenge is soooo sweet!>
<Sorry Jay, couldn't think of much physical stuff!>
Madness Takes Its Toll, Please have Exact Change
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