All this and a destroyed McDonalds to boot

Who: Lenin, Zack, scutters everybody else in Parrotts
-----Snip-----
"You pay-" Zack shut up, finally realizing what was going on. "Er,
yes. Yes you do." He turned a smile toward the nearest customer. "And
what would you like?"
"For you to join the Blue Dwarf Technicians and Workers Progressive
Socialist Party," Lenin said, "and then to assist me in overthrowing the
corrupt leaders on board this ship and establishing the New Soviet Union.
Failing that, you can be sent to the gulag for thirty years to work off your
debt to society. Here, have a propaganda phamplet."
As he waited for Zack's reply, Lenin's radio buzzed, and he grabbed it.
"Hello, this is comrade Lenin. What? The movie room? Some woman has
destroyed two squads? A hologram? Are you sure? Oh yes, of course, infra-red
scanning. Okay, here's the plan comrade. lure her into Parrotts. We've got
some holowhips here. After she's out of the picture, you can set up a new
movie screen in the promenade. Got it. Then good luck and long live the
revolution, comrade."
As Lenin replaced the radio, he commented to Zack, "Darndest thing I ever
heard. Some female hologram just burst through a bulkhead in the theatre and
started tearing scutteres apart. So, you interested in joining the
revolution?"
-----End Snip-----
Zack accidentally tore the pamphlet in two when he heard Lenin's plan
to lure his ex to Parrotts. "Er, uh . . . well, let me check my schedule."
-----Snip-----
"Ah! Here come the skutters, with an incredibly violent hologram in tow."
said Lenin, "Marvellous."
"Holowhips at the ready troops! I will be valiantly leading you from behind
the counter!" Shouted Lenin
-----End Snip-----
<The Promenade>
Cubiepede continued pursuing the scutters, scrapping any that lagged
behind the pack. She laughed as automatic rifles chattered and rounds flew
through her. The holes immediately reformed, and Cubiepede laughed
maniacally. "Holograms are a bit hard to kill with machine guns. Shame
scutters aren't so durable!" That said, she lashed out, spearing the
slowest four on extended talons and shredding them. Then she continued the
chase toward Parrotts.
-----
<A random Parrotts air vent>
The vent cover popped off, falling to the deck with a clatter. Zack
and Cubie peered out into the main room of Parrotts.
-----Snip-----
"Are you sure this is engineering Zack?" said Zacks hologrammatic wife.
"5...4..." yelled Lenin
"Only there seems to be some kind of revolution going on..."
"3...2..."
"Hmm.. you have got a point." agreed Zack.
"NOW!"
-----End Snip-----
A swarm of armed scutters raced in the doors, closely followed by
Cubiepede. There was a brief moment when Cubiepede stopped short and stared
at the scutters with holowhips. Then she smiled in a way that would make
Darth Sidious take up knitting. "Oh, NOW we're going to have some fun!"
Dodging left, she narrowly avoided the holowhips as they ripped through
the space she had just occupied. More scutters died in a flurry of chaos.
Zack looked over at Cubie. "Grab my legs!" Then he slid head-first
out of the air vent.
Cubie gasped as she almost dropped him. "Zack! What are you doing!?"
"Pull me up! Quick!"
Cubie hauled back, dragging Zack back into the vent. "What were you
do-" Her protest cut off abruptly in shock as Zack handed her a bowl of
peanuts. He had a bowl of pretzels in his other hand.
Zack grinned. "I'd hate to watch a fight that promises to be this good
without something to munch on. Pretzel?"
Just then the door exploded inward, and the wreckage of a golf cart
tumbled halfway across the bar. From outside cheers could be heard, along
with a hearty 'Fire two'. Seconds later, another cart joined the first,
embedding itself in the bar."
Newzack boggled at the new arrivals. The Blue Dwarf sure had some
unorthodox social practices. He shrugged as he ducked under the counter.
At least there weren't any drunk Japanese executives bellowing
incomprehensible karaoke.
Bullets and bottles flew as the patrons of Parrotts either defended
themselves or took advantage of the opportunity to break something. That
one particular bottle was spewing Ointment #20 and not Owen's lager wasn't
noticed by anyone.
Ointment #20's effects were.
All over the bar, people started growing. Cubiepede at first thought
that she was malfunctioning, but a systems check read 100%. Her biofilters
detected an unidentified polymer rearranging covalent bonds in everything it
touched. The fluid had no effect on her, leaving her as the scrappy little
guy in the barfight.
"Fine," she snarled, "The bigger they are . . ." Morphing her lances
into barbed spears, she leapt up on a table and reared back, ready to plunge
her harpoons into the humans that were stuck in the booth. "Arr! Which one
of ye be the white whale?"
Then the booth burst apart, sending Cubiepede hurtling into the
bulkhead directly beneath Zack and Cubie's airvent. As she stood up, Zack
dumped his pretzels on her, then hit her over the head with the bowl.
Cubie slapped the back of Zack's head. "You moron! Why'd you do
that?"
Zack shrugged, hurt. "They always do it in the movies."
Cubiepede extended her thorax until she was eye-to-eye with the
Richards. "This ain't the movies, pretzel-boy!" Snatching Zack, she hurled
him across the bar. "I thought I'd never find you. Thanks for popping up.
Don't bother to wrap yourself. I'll eat you here."
The lash of a holowhip left a bloody mark across Cubiepede's cheek, and
she winced. "Oh! Now THAT's got me steamed." Ignoring the groaning heap
that was Zack, she turned and leapt back into the heart of the fray, intent
on destroying the scutters with holowhips that were trying to take her down.
Zack crawled behind the bar, coming face-to-face with NewZack. "YOU!"
NewZack offered him a beer. "On the house."
Cubie lunged out of the airvent and weaved through the crowd, oblivious
to the dozen or so beer bottles and machine gun rounds that passed through
her. Diving over the bar, she joined her husband and his other-dimensional
double. "YOU!"
NewZack offered her a beer. "On the house."
Owen crawled by, stopping to snatch both bottles from NewZack. "Not
likely! With Penny Lloyd on board, my insurance deductables are outrageous.
NO FREE BEER!!" The crazed barkeep peered over the bar, trying desperately
to keep tabs on who threw what, but finally gave up and just started
randomly upping everyone's tabs in his ledger.
Zack looked over at Cubie. "Hmmmm. Still got that mirror?"
Cubie pulled it out of a pocket on her jumpsuit. "Here. Want the
stopwatch, too?"
Zack nodded. He took the mirror and the stopwatch, started the second
hand, and used the mirror to peek over the bar at the carnage.
L'ontar and Cubiepede were exchanging blows, with neither one getting
the upper hand. The other giants continued smashing everything in sight.
Cubie tapped Zack on the shoulder. "What exactly are you timing?"
Zack smiled back at her. "This transformation has all the earmarks of
one of Keto's foul ointments. I'm timing it to see how long the effects
last."
Cubie nodded slowly. "So what will we do when everyone is back to
normal?"
Zack shrugged. "Dunno. Serve drinks?"
Cubie grimaced. "Until my double slaughters us all."
NewZack tapped Cubie on the shoulder. "I think I can handle her."
"YOU? HA!" Cubie was furious. "You've done a bang-up job so far."
NewZack grinned as he pulled a small case out of his pocket. "Ah, but
I didn't have this."
He cracked the case and Cubie and Zack looked at the contents, then at
each other.
"Heck, it's worth a shot."
OOC: Wheee!
~Zacks & Cubies~