Long live the New Soviet Union!

Who: Everybody in Parrott's
Where: The usual
Lenin came up from inside the booth he was in with Makarov pistol in his
hand. "You have killed my elite guard, and for that you will pay," he said,
"Other scutters will repair the elite guard, and they will be up and running
as good as new. But, now for you. LONG LIVE THE NEW SOVIET UNION!"
As quick as lightning, Lenin was aiming his pistol and pulling the trigger.
His aim was deadly. His pistol was somewhat less deadly.
"What the hell is wrong with this thing?" Lenin muttered, as the gun jammed,
"Oh bloody hell. It's a cheap Chinese knock off. Bloody Maoists, can't do
anything right."
Then he glanced up at the three guns pointing at him. "Now, now, now. Let's
be calm about this," and ducked back down into the booth as they fired their
guns. Lenin now only saw one hope for getting out of this alive and in a
condition to further the efforts of the New Soviet Union.
"Look behind you!" he yelled, "It's a homicidal female hologram psychopath
carrying a tire iron!" This trick had one slight advantage. It happened to
be true.