Family Ties, part 2

Who:- Vanessa, Slumbering Jay
Where:- The Phoenix 
 
 
It was late. Jay had switched the Phoenix to autopilot after four days of non-stop piloting, purely for the reason of getting at least five minutes sleep. Vanessa would watch the tactical station, just in case they were attacked by a crazed rogue simulant, or were jumped by a ‘swirly thing or wibbly thing’
His eyes closed and he started dreaming, about being home, on Blue Dwarf with his wife. About 20 minutes after Jay fell asleep Vanessa was still watching the tactical display.  The console blipped.
“What was that?..” she asked herself. Speaking to the Phoenixes on board computer, Kelly she said  “Kelly, magnify tactical grid 45-a”
Vanessa gazed at the screen, trying to figure out what it was; she sipped her Pepsi, and looked back at the screen. This time it registered
“HOLY SMEGOLA!” she cringed at the patheticness* of that statement
“An asteroid field!” not sure what to do she panicked “Kelly!!! Evasive manoeuvres!”
“EVASIVE MANOUVERES PROGRAM NOT INSTALLED”
“WHY THE HELL NOT?!”
“What do I look like Bill F***in’ Gates? I didn’t write the bloody software”
“You ARE the bloody software”
“That’s a racist slur that is!”
“SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!”
“YES? Miss Chrysler!”
“I’m not a pilot, I can’t fly the Phoenix! We’re heading head first for a collision with a BIG SMEGGIN’ rock! Now either YOU fly the Phoenix, or tell me what to do!”
“Look love, I’m not one of yer fancy schmancy AI’s like Holly” Kelly said
“I don’t even have my own intelligence just voice recognition,  I’m purely here as an operations computer, monitoring life support and simple stuff. Therefore I was never programmed with any tactical or evasive navigation software”
“KELLY!!!! WERE GONNA DIE!”
“Then you better wake you’re brother up to fly this thing”
Vanessa, not entirely amused dashed over to the sleeping bunk Jay was currently using to, theoretically, get some sleep.
“JAY! Wake up!”
“Whu..what?….Alota?..”
“ You wish flyboy! You gotta fly the ship!”
“It’s on autopilot!”
“An autopilot with no evasive manoeuvres! And were about to crash into an asteroid!”
Jay reluctantly got out of bed and took the control stick, and very slightly nudged it to the right. Minutes later, the Phoenix was safely out of danger and Jay was sliding back between the sheets.
“Wake me when we get there!” he said, a hint of anger in his voice
“Heh…sorry!” Vanessa said sheepishly.
 
(* See ICQ conversations between Keto, Jay and Becca… we got a whole dictionary of ‘ness’ words!)