The Mining Department's Team Building Excercise (Trip to the pub)

Who: Colxfile and Jeri James
Where: Parrots Bar
When: ?
Considering what was at stake (Personal Pride) Colxfile was decidedly
cool and calm going into the friendly air-hockey match: His opponent
on many occasions clearly told of her confidence about victory; he
knew himself (but never let on) the fact that the last time he played
was 7 years ago in a youth club before someone burnt it down. He had
played a computer game of it before, but it was never the same.
On the plus side, he had some very quick reactions and was quietly
confident that tonight wouldn't be so much of an 11-0 thrashing, but
more of a 11-1 arse-kicking. He just needed a single point and he
would be satisfied.
Jeri herself was also confident: She had an unbeaten streak in this
game as long as the Nile; she taught this game to her daughter (Who
competes in the Canadian national team.); and she was the best at it -
she was born to play air-hockey. There was no way this so
called 'Mining Chief' would out do her, a person who spent a month in
sick bay after falling asleep under a cupboard.
Colxfile had a secret plan: Get JJ as drunk as possible and beat her
easily. Unknown to him, Jeri also had a similar plan: Get Colxfile as
drunk as possible and beat him easily with her eyes closed. In fact,
this could have lead to a glorius ballet of lager and air-hockey
pucks had it not been for Colxfile's utter scatter-brained-ness which
caused him to offer the fatal suggestion:
"Shall we get the game out the way first, and save the drink till
later?"
"Any reason?"
"I play better when I'm sober."
"You don't think you'll win?"
"I might..."
"OK then."
So, they took up the positions on the table and set up the game.
Gentleman to the last, Colxfile shook his opponent's hand.
"Good luck. May the man win." Smile. Gentleman as a maybe, but still
with the sad sense of humour. Jeri said nothing and began the game.
Five minutes later, the game was still in full flow. Not a single
point had been scored. Jeri was hell bent on peppering Colxfile's
goal with the puck, a plan which would have succeeded if it weren't
for Colxfile's paddle, expertly blocking the goal mouth. In truth,
his paddle rarely moved 5 centimetres from the goal mouth on a 3 foot
long table. Jeri sighed, this could go on for a long time...
"Do you have to play like that?" shge exploded after the boredom was
starting to wear her down.
"What?"
"Sticking your paddle across the goal-mouth you cheat!"
"Not my fault if you can't score past me!"
"You don't want to see me when I'm mad."
"Fine, I'll play a bit more attacking if you like."
"I would like."
"Fine." Without warning he slammed his paddle into the puck and sent
it screaming up the table goal-bound. Jeri saw this and moved the
paddle to stop it. Sadly, a combination of and the sheer force of the
shot, a fluke inbalance of air pressure causing the paddle to spin,
coupled with a lucky deflection off Jeri's paddle, scored the first
point of the game.
"Now I'm angry!"
"Talk about road-rage. More like air-rage."
Indeed Colxfile lived to regret that fatal shot, Jeri scored 4 goals
in 10 seconds immediately afterwards.
"It's only game..." Colxfile remembered, as goal number 5 thundered
in. To his credit, Colxfile managed to pull one back before Jeri
reached 10, but surely it was a hollow consolation.
"Match point to me. Do you dare stop me?"
"Yeah, go on then."
Jeri's paddle gently knocked the puck up table. In the 4 seconds it
took for it to travel up the table, the following train of thought
occurred in Colxfile's mind:
"Aha...gentle knock up the table. If I knock it gently back, she'll
slam it back, but at least then I have time to defend the goal...If I
slam it and go for goal, she'll block it no doubt and it might
ricochet into my goal. Gentle knock or full slog? What a
choice...Hmm..I think I'll choose gentle knock, just test the water a
bit here. Hang on, the puck's getting nearer. I'd better stop it.
Wait...my arm's not responding to my commands! Arm! Do you copy? Stop
that puck! Stop that puck! NOOOOOOOOO!"
"11-2 to me. I win!"
"Well done. Come on, let's get that drink. I hope your paying after
that rout."
"But of course."