Niples "Who am I? pt 2"

Captain Niples
Engineering
After the bomb on PITA nearly blew up Katrina
Seymour had reduced the BD's maximum power usage by unplugging all power
going to the "goatskin-only" laundrette on floor 59, transferred all energy
from the sterilisation showers in the science department (as none of the
scientists seemed to use them -ever.) and turned off the spinning logos on
top of the slush-puppy machines on the promenade. After that he had enough
power to make a hologram of the old Captain Seymour Niples.
"Hello Sir." Said The hologram, which had shimmered into existance in front
of him and stood with his hands behind his back and a smug expression on his
face."
"Erm...Hi." Said the more nervous ammnesic Niples.
"You're a good looking fellow." Said the hologram, if you're not dead than
why have I been brough back as a hologram."
"Ahh, straight down to business." the real Niples made a mental note. "I
thought I'd be the kind of person who's very direct."
"Who is?" Said the hologram.
"You are...I uh... mean that I am...or should be."
The hologram nodded in understanding. "Let me hazard a guess." he said.
"You, or I, as I am you but only a hologram-representative of yourself, have
lost you/our memory and are/am using a hologram of your/ourself as a
template to re-learn what you/I used to be like."
"Something like that." Niples admitted, blushing that he was so transparent,
even more so than the hologram. "So I'm pretty smart then? I mean, you
worked that out in only a minute of me turning you on."
Now the hologram turned his head away modestly. "Well my hologrammatic
character sub-routines do take up 2.35Gigabytes, that's 1.69 Gigabytes more
than the average of any other holograms onboard."
He turned back to the real Niples with a proud rin on his face.
"Only 2.3 gigabyes? That's not much!"
The hologram of huimself shot him a look back and defended himself. "2.35.
And it was encrypted!"
"Oh right." Said Niples looking at his shoes. He looked up as the hologram
paced the room.
"So what do you want to know about us?"
"Erm.... well what am I like? Am I nice?"
"Of course you're nice. You're the Captain. Your the most respected man on
board, you keep this place ship-shape, and most importantly of all..."
The hologram came closer and looked Seymour right in the eyes.
"...You never EVER eat with your fingers."
The hologram didn't move until Niples took a note book out of his pocket and
jotted it down.
"I'm just not sure I'll do a good job as captain. I already think people
have been taking advantage of me, the head psychiatrist wanted me to sign
something to increase the budget to his department, he looked like a decent
man, so I trusted him and signed it. Was I any good at being a captain
before?"
The hologram grinned smugly. "I've been told by high officials that I have
been the very best captain this ship has ever had." He put his hand on his
holographic heart as he spoke and looked up in high praise of himself.
"Right." Said Niples sounding unconvinced. "But I've heard that I'm only the
second one, and the last one was a complete bastard."
Hologram Niples snapped out of his self-worship and shot the real man a
challenging look.
"Its going to be very hard for you to live up to my standard, so you'd
better start taking notes straight away.
**Seymour's quarters**
Blonde Katrina began to bang on Seymour's doors. Funny, he never locked
them. "Sweetie!
Open up! Are you in there?"
From down the corridor, Lloyd and a charred Donover, peeked around the
corner, wating to see what Katrina did.
Dark Katrina, still trashing Seymour's quarters in fury from her miss,
stopped, staring at the doors. She narrowed her eyes, thinking about what
she should do.
DK stood firm and in true Pokemon style ordered her canine "PITA, fang
attack now!"
Blonde Katrina looked at her timid moggy "PITA, sharp claw attack, go!"
The cat curled up on the sofa and went to sleep.
Katrina panicked and ran out of the door.
**Later, In La Regal de McKenzies**
"No, thats the dessert spoon. Use the one next to the soup spoon but behind
the oyster spoon."
"Can't I just have a fork?" Said the real Niples who was getting lessons of
"how to act upper-middle class in front of your crew" from the hologram.
"No." replied his softlight counterpart. "If your crew see you acting like
them then they'll see you as an equal and take advantage, you must remain
socially higher than them at all times."
"But what about Katrina? She doesn't like all this posh food. We went to
McDonalds yesterday and she loved it."
"Something you must know, you love Katrina, you want to be with her all of
the time, her gorgeous DARK brown hair is just so damned attractive.
Niples was stunned. "DARK BROWN hair?" He asked.
"Yes, the blonde one is her sister. She fancies you but you have to ignore
it, I actually detest her so much its unbelievable."
That was when Katrina walked in. The hologram Niples saw her, panicked and
screamed like a girl before hiding under the table.
"Seymour." She called, and Niples lifted his head and saw her. She sat down
next to him.
"DarkKatrinajusttriedtoblowmeupwithPITAandthenattackmeinyourquarters." she
blurted. She was in such a scared state that she fell into Seymours arms. "I
love you..." she mumbled through his dinner suit.
Seymour took her by the hands. "Look, I don't think we should do this. I
don't love you, I'm in love with your sister."
Katrina was stunned. Then she laughed as if it was a joke. "Dark Katrina?"
Niples looked away. Then back at her. "I just talked to a hologram of myself
and realised who I really am. I don't like the way I've been treating you
because its not fair on you or Katrina, the truth is, I'm in love with her
and I want to be with her forever."
"Really? But..." Said Blonde Katrina, hurt in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. But I'm just trying to find out about myself just now.
"Did the hologram say something?"
"Well, I just found out something about myself that took me by surprise, but
if that's who I am then I can't disagree can I? I think it would be best if
we didn't see each other for a while."
Katrina was confused, and hurt, and angry. She wiped her eyes and ran away
sniffing.
The hologram came out from underneath the table. "Very nice going." He said
sarcastically, "Now you've got no-one to stand in your way, you can be with
Katrina at last."
"Are you sure this is what I want?"
"Of course, I'm you remember?" Said the hologram. "Now, are you going to see
Katrina?"
"I suppose I'd better," Said Seymour, wondering he'd felt bad about saying
what he'd said to the Blonde haired girl he thought was Dark Katrina's
sister.
**Corridor**
Seymour was pulled into his quarters by a girl with dark hair. "Ahh Katrina,
there you are."
She threw him onto the bed, not allowing him to say another word. She was
wearing revealing black lingere which she'd borrowed off Blonde Katrina.
"I've just been talking to a hologram of myself, I no that you're the only
girl for me." Seymour said as Katrina unbuttoned his shirt. But when she
kissed him, something was missing.
<<This is as bad as a cheap channel 5 daytime drama isn't it? Will blonde
Katrina realize there's something odd about the hologram, will Dark Katrina
get her wicked way with Niples? will the two PITA's claw each others eyes
out? Find out what happens next soon (although an advert straight after the
show will probably give it away)>>
David "Onion" Ball
Captain Seymour Niples, JMC Blue Dwarf
WWW.BlueDwarf.co.uk
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"It's abou these toys that come alive wen t' owner
Andy gus owta room, an the do missions an that."
A young Yorkshire boys description of 'Toy Story on ice',
Calendar news
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