A mechanoid is born! Alright, maybe not *born*, but you get the Dri

Where: Commander White Wolf's quarters.
When: Just about... Mmm... Now. Oh, alright, It's before the
Halloween party.
Who: a Trio of overgrown White Wolf hamsters; One Hologramatic (the
mind backup of your normal BD commander), one Tan furred (The split
off Goodie two shoe but, extremely indecisive part of his
personally), and finally one Dark furred(this Alternate universes
evil version of White Wolf) who happens to look exactly like Darken.
"Ahh, my enemies, I shall stab thee through the heart...", Muttered a
nearly unconscious Dark furred hamster strapped into a wheelchair.
"Time to give'em another dose, he's coming around again." Said the
holohamster urgently to the Tan furred hamster who was working
laborously on integrating the salvaged Evil Kyrten's parts into his
earlier attempt at Kryten two's mechaniod body with a arc weilder.
The tan furred hamster got up and absentmindly grabbed a staple gun
from the nearbyt toolbox as he headed towards the Dark furred
hamster in the wheelchair.
"Excuse me, but I think your about to use the wrong tool again!"
Commented the holohamster.
"No way, I've got it right here. Anyways, it wasn't my fault that the
C junction got soldered to the Y junction on Krytie." replied the
harried Tan furred hamster.
"MMmmmHmmm? And why is the injection gun is over here, then?"
remarked the exsperated holohamster to the tan furred hamster while
pointing to it on the nearby clear arcylic desk.
The Tan furred hamster glanced dumbly at the injector gun on the
desk, then at the staple gun in his paw and griped, "Aw Smeg!!! Why
do we have to put Krytie together in the first place?"
"Because Phil said we need to stay together, Though I still think
he's feeding us a bunch of horse hockey, so we need to make sure Dark
butt here doesn'y wake up while we're attending the halloween party
with Allie. and I Don't trust a Scutter to give him his injections
anymore than I'd trust the Captain to remember the past twelve weeks
of duty reports. That's why we need to get krytie going, so he can
tend to our alternate universe evil hamster while we're at the
party!" explained the Holohamster.
"Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot what our original goal was." replied
the tan furred hamster as he picked up the injector gun and gave the
dark furred hamster a sedative shot in the arm, before continuing, "I
really looking for to finding out what Allie's costume is going to
be. Are you sure I shouldn't go as something else other than myself."
"Listen, I still think we're going to the perfect before and after
picture with my costume idea. You'll be me after our hamsterfication
accident, and Holly will change my visual looks to be approximately
like how I'd look if I were still human. It ought to be a real treat
for Allie. Two guys for one pretty woman. Now, you get back to
working on Krytie while I finish working with Holly on making the
alterations so the visual looks right." replied the holohamster.
"oh, Ok." Sulked the tan hamster as he walked back over to the
mechanoid body, and began weilding again.
The holohamster turned to the wall monitor and spoke, "ok Holly,
let's see your first template."
"I up, I'm right on it. A chalk mark here, and snip there, that ought
to do it." replied Holly from the wall, while talking around some
stick pins in jutting out of his mouth and a tailors measuring tape &
chalk hovered nearby.
The holohamster's form shifted, and slowly formed into that of human
figure. The Holo hamster walked over to a full length mirror to look
at his new looks, and suddenly gasped.
"HOLLY! THIS ISN'T ME YOU GIMBIOD, WHAT YOU'VE GIVEN ME IS MRS.
CHRYSLER'S BODY IN A BIKINI WITH A ZZ TOP BEARD!!!" Screamed the
indigant Holohamster.
"Opps! I was wondering where I misplaced Phil's stag party
simulations and Alota's wedding dress simulations. I'll get right on
fixing them.", replied Holly hurriedly.
The Dark furred hamster glanced up from his place in the wheelchair,
and Wolf Whistled, and drunkenly remarked "I always was sorta partial
to Alota, You should've dated her as I did when you had the chance
you lili-liver smegheads, take a long look what you missed out on!"
"Enough of that from you! Allie is the perfect woman for Me... I
mean, Us! Aw, Smeg. All this is going to drive me bonkers..." yelled
the holohamster in frustration.
The tan furred hamster looked up from his arc weilding, and
commented, "Hey, That reminds me. Am I, I mean... we going to to turn
into something worse because phil's going to be integrating a half a
normal universe us into a full alternate universe Us?"
"I don't know. Perhaps we should consult Dr. Cerebrum about that, he
might know what's going to happen. Hurry it up, Holly. This beard
itches when it rubs against my... Um... I don't think it's not
gentlemanly to say that about another man's married wife and all even
if I am accidently wearing her body." remarked the Holohamster as he
glanced down and suddenly looked pointedly away.
"There we go, Now I just need to close this hatch, activate Kryties
start up sequence and he'll be up and around in a few miutes."
Happily bubbled the tan furred hamster in self satisfaction as he
began to switch on the Mechanoid, also pointedly not trying to notice
the hologramatic representation of Alota's voluptuous bikini figure.
"I'm switching the form now." replies Holly, as the chalk hovering
about his head suddenly switchs to a crayon, and Holly eyes it and
continues, " uh, oh. You wouldn't happen to need a lipstick while you
wait would you?"
"Aw for Phils sake, Holly! Just switch me back." Lamented the
holohamster.
"Rightie o! Back you go!" remarked Holly.
As the holohamsters form shimmered, and quickly settled into what
looked like the normal holohamster in the mirror.
The Tan hamster watching from behind the holohamster suddenly
exclaimed "You got a Big Spider on you!!!", and sudden grabbed up his
Staple gun and fired staples at the holohamsters back, which flew
through his form and stuck to mirrors wooden frame.
"What?!? Where?" Said the Holohamster as he spun around, looking
around, and then over his shoulder in the mirror. He jumped when he
spotted the gargantuan spider leg sticking out of the middle of his
back, and exclaimed, "Holly! Why do I have spider leg sprouting from
my back?"
"Um, A bad planting season?" Ventured Holly sweating a little.
"Holly, if you don't sort this out right this minute, I'm going to
hypnotize the dark hamster into thinking he's got a voracious
appetite for his favorite sweet and that you are a two ton Banana
taffy roll than needs to cut up into little pieces in order to be
eaten, and unleash the little bugger on your central computer
area!!!!!", Screamed the holohamster in fury.
"Oh, there's no need to resort to such suberfage, sir. I could make
up a splendid Banana creme sauced Anti-pesto salad.", replied the
mechaniod slowly sitting up, "And perhaps if I could find the
neccessary ingredients, I could follow that up with a Banana flavored
curry pot noodle, a Pumpkin Banana soup, and Srawberry-Banana-pickle
Malted milk."
"Hey, He's alive!" exclaimed the tan furred hamster, as Krytie's face
scrunched up in shock, and reached up and smacked the back of his
head to pop out one of his eyes to examine and muttered "There must
be something wrong with my Optical sensors, you all look like giant
hamsters."
"There's nothing wrong with your sensors, we do happen to be
hamsters." replied the Holohamster as his form shimmered Back into
it's correct form.
"Oh Dear, my Optical Sensors aren't at fault, My Intelligence
circuits must have melted again. Initiating Diagnostics" remarked the
Mechanoid, as he blipped and bleeped for a few seconds, and
finished, "Everything appears normal except for one crossed circuit
at my C & Y junction in my culinary tastes circuitry in which Mr.
Lister originally tried to shift my culinary preferences to use only
curry recipes. I now have this strange urge to make the most unusual
variety of Sauces, soups, pot noodles and malts that only a pregnant
woman would love. Ah, I can fix that, with these tools."
"Can it wait? I'd like to have those dishes by the way." interupted
the Tan furred hamster.
"Ah, Yes. I had been sidetracked from my original reason why I
performed my self diagnostic. Is it safe for me to assume from the
surroundings I see here, that I'm aboard the Red Dwarf after Lister,
the Cat & Mr. Rimmer all met with the same horrible hamsterfication
incident of which I've lost memory of along with most of my other
memories?"
The holohamster got this depressed look on his face when he
answered, "um... No. We're not on the Red Dwarf, we're on the Blue
Dwarf, and Yes, the three of us all met with the same hamsterfication
accident, but no, we're Not this Cat, Lister & Mr. Rimmer your
refering to. Our name is White Wolf. But, originally there used to be
only one of us, and We've got an awful lot of explaining to do.
Perhaps if we took a quick tour of the ship, I could explain as we
walk."
------------
Several hours later, as the mechanoid was pushing the wheelchair with
the strapped in Dark furred hamster, while the Holohamster walked on
his right and the Tan furred hamster walked on his left, the
mechanoid said to the holohamster, "Now, let me see if I got this
right, commander. Your current captain doesn't remember who he is,
your temporarily in command, but you previously split your
personality into two parts, the good half is here on my Left, you are
the hologram of a mind backup taken before the incident. And your bad
half was killed by the temporarily head of security during a pirate
attack by an alternate Evil universe Red Dwarf ship, which this
fellow I'm pushing comes from, and you need your friend Phil to help
you reintegrate this fellow and the fellow on my left back to
together along with your current memories from you as the
holosimulation, and I'm part the Evil Kryten from the Evil Red Dwarf
and part copy of the original failed mechanoid reproduction which you
tried making from plans you retrieved from the normal universe
version of me which accidently transported into your little ship
during another alternate universe incursion, and you built me to
watch over this fellow here in the wheelchair while you and the
fellow on my left attend a halloween party with your girlfriend, miss
Allie Fletcher."
"That's correct, you've adapted quite well to a awfully confusing
situation in which you've been presented with." replied the
holohamster.
"Thank you, sir. But, I'm afraid I still have two questions yet that
you haven't unanswered." said the mechanoid.
"Oh? Well then, I'll try my best to answer them."
"Since I'm a copy of the Original Kryten and I have the same
programing as him; What is *my* name and *whom* will I Serve after
tonights task is done, sir?"
A look of surpise passed over holohamster's face, as he looked that
the Tan hamster and back to the mechanoid and replied, "You know, I
hadn't even thought of that!"
"I do apologise."
"No, No. I should be the One apologising to you. I didn't even
consider how you might feel about all this. I should've known better
than to do that to even a mechanoid." replied the holohamster pausing
and then continue, "Why don't you choose your own and tell me what
you want to do?"
The Mechanoid stopped for a moment, and then resumed pushing the
wheelchair as he replied "I am programmed to serve. Therefore, I
shall serve as your cook, butler, concierge. And As my creator, I
humbly ask you to choose my name."
"I see we've got quite a bit of work to do in work equality
department. I nominate we call him 'Krtyie', and we already know that
Dark boy likes to call him 'Flathead'." remarked the Tan furred
hamster as he strolls on the mechanoids left.
"Mmm... I definitely got to think it this one over, It's a big
responibility, I've never named anyone before. Heck, I even got
stumped when Tara asked me for name suggestions for the twins."
mutters the holohamster.
Holly suddenly appeared on a nearby hallway video screen holding a
baby naming book, "Ding Dong. I've got it. We'll call
him 'Sillerbasach' after my uncle thrice removed, who's being used as
Atari 2600 emulator. Since they'll both be running into the same
kinds of user problems. And it suggests here to name new borns after
someone you respect."
The holohamster rolled his eyes, and replied, "Holly, have you got my
costume figured out?"
"Oh yes! Do you want to try it on?" replied Holly lowering the Baby
naming book, and bringing up into view a copy of 'halloween costuming
for dummies'.
Glancing to make sure the hallway was clear, the Holohamster
replied, "Alright Holly, let's see it."
The Holohamsters form shifted into the form of a 36 year old
uniformed JMC officer with a glasses and a beard.
"This feels almost right. How do I look?" said the Holohamster
turning for the tan furred hamster and the Mechanoid to look at.
"Older looking than I than I expected." said the tan Furred hamster.
The Mechanoid looked uncertain as the Holohamster waited for him to
give his opinion, "Um, If I may so, sir, you look... Frumpy."
"Frumpy?!?" The holohamster looked down at himself, "ok, I'll admit,
the uniforms a bit ill fitting and baggy... Alright Holly, that's
good enough, switch me back, I don't want to spoil my surprise for
the party. And we need to get down to the Gym, before we miss the
start of the Costume contest."
As the Holohamasters form shifted back into it's normal form, with a
small 'Kick me' attached to his back, he muttered, "Frumpy??? ..."
<To Be Continued at the party...>