Rumble in Parrots

After Joe had put Darken in one of the holding cells he started patrolling
the Blue Dwarf, stunning as many evil doubles as he could and taking them to
the brig (I guess as LA stands for live ammo Joe didn’t actually shoot evil
Joe in the face with an LA pistol, but used some kind of stun gun instead).
So far in the brig was Rimmer, Evil Schweeble, Darken, a couple of scutters
(evil little buggers they were) and Dr’s Tom, Dick and Harry.
Joe went into the cinema to make sure that the John Wayne films were safe
(if anything happened to them the scutters would give him hell for months)
and saw Dirk standing by the kiosk.
<snip>
"Um....yeah," he said as he lowered his gun. Just to make sure, he used his
GELF abilities to scrutinize the Dirk in front of him. Since both Dirks had
the exact same physical appearance, as well as acted the same, the fact that
this Dirk was from the Red Dwarf was not perceived by Joe. "We'd better get
out of here before something happens."
<end snip>
Joe and Dirk (the alternate but not evil Dirk) walked out of the cinema and
towards Parrots where a big bar fight was going on.
They entered Parrots and it felt to Joe like he had just walked onto the set
of a swashbuckling movie, several people dressed in pirate costumes were
sitting around on barrels of rum watching the fight. One of them who looked
quite a lot like Stewie MacKenzie and had Mr Dingles on his shoulder looked
up at Joe and Dirk as they came in.
“Yarrrggh, shiver me timbers and splice the mainsail, if it isn’t blind ol’
Joe and Dirk” said the alternate Stewie “Pull up a barrel and have some rum
with me, ye scurvy space dogs”
Schweeble dived at Stewie, knocking him off the barrel and onto the floor.
He quickly placed restraint bands on his wrist and hauled him to his feet.
“Stewie MacKenzie, you are under arrest for….erm…being…erm…illegally
alternate” said Joe, “Dirk, do me a favor and take Mr MacKenzie here down to
the Brig, while I try and stop these fights”
Joe waited for a reply and when there wasn’t one turned round to face Dirk
who wasn’t there. Joe looked round the room and saw Dirk hanging onto the
back of a very large man.
“Yeeehaaa, I’ve got me a hoss little lady and I’m not afraid to use it” Dirk
yelled, he hadn’t quite yet got out of the John Wayne frame of mind that the
film had put him in.
Joe left Parrots dragging an intoxicated Stewie behind him and headed for
the brig, he returned 10 minutes later, grabbed Dirk, dragged him out of
Parrots and then lobbed a glue grenade into Parrots. There was a satisfying
squelchy sounding explosion, Joe smiled and headed towards the drive room
with Dirk, he had to make sure that the crew of the Blue Dwarf still had
control of the ship.
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