just keeps on getting better......

Jay stood, trying to remember how to breath after just having been
trampled by the security team as they persued Rimmer out of the
shuttlebay. There was a smegging HUGE footprint on his uniform's
shirt.
"Oh for FU**S SAKE!" he yelled to noone in particular, "More smegging
laundry...ah well, I'll throw it on Alotas pile...maybe she wont
realise and wash it for me..MUHAHAHAH!"
Realising that last part was probably a little too loud, he quickly
shut up and left the shuttlebay.
As the doors hissed shut behind him he heard the voice of Alota over
the comm system
"LT VIAGRA TO ALL HANDS! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK PREPARE TO BE BOARDED!"
There was an explosion from the shuttlebay Jay had just left and he
peered through the glass window into the hangar. What he saw was a
heavily armoured Starbug VERY badly parked with a heavily armed group
of...pirates...emerging from it, the shuttlebay doors hqd been forced
open and were being held together with emergency forcefields, the
Pirates were being led by a giant cobra with arms. Normal stuff then.
Jay, contrary to popular belief, wasnt stupid. He legged it.
"HOLLY!" he shouted "GET SECURITY TO THE SHUTTLEBAY WE NE...."
"OOF"
he was thrown to the floor by a fist.
Looking up he could make out the blurred image of another group of
invaders, must have come aboard through the secondary hangar.
As his vision came back into focus Chrysler found himself looking
back at a familiar face.
"Well You're a handsome fella!" he said matter of factly
the person stood over him was none other than himself.
His counterpart said nothing, just raised a 3 foot katana over his
head ready to drop on the pilot....
...