Action Post! - We finally meet up w/ the Red Dwarf... But, it's not

OOC - Sorry about the delay, I *HAD* sent this yesterday, and due to
My bloated Outlook totally fouling things up and not sending any
other messages, I nearly wouldn't have realised it wasn't sending
stuff out. Anyways, here's the more updated version of my long
awaited Action post for your enjoyment.
- Tim/WW
RPG - Action post!
------------
---Snip---
"What?!? Are you trying tell us that somehow you got us into a
alternate universe while White Wolf left me in charge?" yelled Alota.
"Yes, I'm trying to say we're probably in an alternate universe, and
No, I didn't do it - Jay was piloting at the time." replied Kayn.
"Jay! How could you!" Screamed Alota.
---end Snip---
"Well, I didn't..." Started Jay weakly.
"Never mind, We'll discuss it later." muttered Alota as she switched
the radio channel to come over the drive rooms speakers, pushing up
the gain and replied over the radio, "This the JMC Red Dwarf. Can you
please repeat your last transmission, We are having difficulty with
your signal."
There was nothing but static over the radio for a few moments.
Then, a voice blared from the speaker, "<KrrscK> Microphone <KrrscK>
be <KrrscK> I <KrrscK> I'm <KrrscK> Asylum <KrrscK> Your <KrrscK> the
Blue <KrrscK>"
"Your transmission is still breaking up, Sir." replied Alota, then
suddenly remembering, She didn't even know who she was talking to
yet, "Um, Can you tell us your name? And where you from?"
"My <KrrscK> is <KrrscK>R<KrrscK> J. Rim<KrrscK> And <KrrscK> from
<KrrscK> Red Dwar<KrrscK>."
"Did he say he's from the Red Dwarf?" Asked Kayn.
"Hooray, We've finally found her! Even if it was in the wrong place,
we still found it!" Crowed Jay.
"Now wait a moment, let's not get too excited yet, I'd like to double
check this first." replied Alota, then turning back to the
radio, "What's that? Your names R. J. Rim? Try speaking slower."
"No... <KrrscK> It's.... <KrrscK> Arnold... <KrrscK> J... <KrrscK>
Rimmer..."
"Your names Arnold J. Rimmer, from the Red Dwarf, Correct?"
"<KrrscK> Yes! <KrrscK> Could <KrrscK> I <KrrscK> talk <KrrscK> to
<KrrscK> You <KrrscK> about <KrrscK> Asylum <KrrscK> from <KrrscK>
the <KrrscK> Pirate <KrrscK> Ship <KrrscK> in <KrrscK> Your <KrrscK>
Docking <KrrscK> bay? <KrrscK> As <KrrscK> It <KrrscK> will <KrrscK>
take <KrrscK> too <KrrscK> Long <KrrscK> This <KrrscK> Way <KrrscK>"
"yes!" hollered Kayn, as Jay let out a whoop of triumph.
Alota leaned over, and glanced over Ashleys shoulder again, and
called over the radio, "It looks like your close enough to switch to
the laser video phone, perhaps we can communicate better that way.
Why don't you try that Mr. Rimmer?"
"I <KrrscK> Will <KrrscK> Try."
The Vidscreen snapped on, and the image of a haggard old man in rags
came into view. He said, "Are you recieving me?"
"Yes." replied Alota, "That's a lot better. Maybe now, you can
explain to me why your seeking asylum aboard the Blue Dwarf, Mr.
Rimmer?"
"You have to save me, their absolutely loony on that ship!" Replied
Rimmer.
"What's this about a pirate ship? Are you fleeing from a pirate
ship?" begain Alota as
a familar sounding voice interupted from the radio, "This is S.F.F.R.
RED DWARF Calling Blue Dwarf."
"S.F.F.R.? What's that stand for?" Asked Jay.
"Shh! They might hear you, JaY. Just let me do the talking." Hushed
Alota.
Then, a unfamilar female voice suddenly spoke over the radio, "Your
are not to allow Mr. Rimmer to board your ship.. He is lying politcal
prisoner. He is not to be believed! We request that you turn him
away, Immediately!"
"No! You mustn't listen to them, They want to destroy You... Me...
Well, everything. Please, please... Give me asylum and allow me to
land immeditately!!!" screamed Mr. Rimmer while waving his arms
frantically at the camera.
"Umm, I don't have the authority to make a decision like this. Would
you please give me a moment to ask?" replied Alota over the radio.
Then Alota quickly buzzed the Captains room, and then White Wolf's
room. Niether of them Answered. She turned on the Tannoy system and
Called "Will Either Captain Niples or Mr. White Wolf please call the
Drive room. She paused, waiting for an answer.
"Well, What's your Answer?" Demanded the female voice from the radio.
"Yes, Yes, Please tell me whether I can come on!", Whimpered Mr.
Rimmer from the videoscreen.
Alota, trying to think of a way to stall while either the Captain or
White Wolf called in, she suddenly spoke, "S.F.F.R Red Dwarf can you
please conference your transmission into our video phone link so we
can all see each other?"
The unfamilar female voice muttered, "Oh, very well. Just a moment
while I get Allie to bring it up."
"Oh No, They've captured Allie!" blurted out Ashley.
"It's probably nothing like that at all, Ashley." Said Jay
comfortingly, "it's probably just someone witht the same name."
"Hey, maybe this is a lot more like that alternate Universe we went
into before, where we each had duplicates running around, and Maybe
in this universe, they DO have Allie working on the Red Dwarf..."
Started Kayn with a worried look on his face.
"Let's just stay calm, and not panic until we see the person we've
been talking to on the videophone, Ok."
Alota was momentarily surprised by the image that came on the screen,
It was holly, but he was not just a disembodied head on the screen,
but a full blooded human! And there were some striking changes. The
Holly on the screen was shirtless, wearing only a leather loincloin
and had a spiked collar on his neck.
"Holly!"
"Yes, My names Holly. How did you know, Have we met before?" asked
the human Holly on the screen.
"Um, Yes and no. I can explain..." Said Alota as she saw the look
Kayn got, she finished, "I'll explain later... Now, what's this about
Mr. Rimmer?."
The human holly replied, "Mr. Rimmer is an escaped prisoner, who is
not to be trusted. Do not let him board your ship."
A woman in a black vinyl cat suit carrying a whip, came hovering into
the view behind Holly, and whispered something into the human Holly's
ear. Then the human Holly then said, "If you do take him aboard,
please be aware our Captain has ordered we will take whatever means
neccesary to recapture him and he be executed for his crimes."
"See?!? Isn't that grounds enough for me to be granted Asylum?" Put
in Mr. Rimmer.
Alota, still trying to stall for time, asked "Um, Who may I ask was
that woman that just whispered into your ear?"
"That was first Officer Kochanski. Do you recognise her also?"
Replied the human Holly.
"Um... No. That's why I asked."
"I see. Since I've answered your questions, can you please tell me
who you are?"
"I'm Lieutenant JG Alota Viagra, Communications officer aboard the
JMC ship Blue Dwarf."
"What does the 'JMC' stand for?"
"Jupiter Mining Corporation, of Course. By the Way what does S.F.F.R.
stand for?" replied Alota.
Kochanski looped her whip around Holly's face and tucked on his
collar while murmuring in his ear menacingly, "That's enough chit
chat Holly, it's time to make your report to the Captain now."
"I'm sorry, But I'm going to have to discontinue this communication
while I report to my superior." replied the human Holly, just before
he cut the channel.
"I wonder what that was all about." remarked Kayn from his pilots
station.
"I have no idea what to do." replied Alota
"well, whatever is going on, We need to get either the Captain's or
White Wolf's permission before we can let Mr. Rimmer on board."
Stated Jay.
"Can you decide quickly, Miss Viagra? They are going capture soon if
you allow me to come aboard." Said Mr. Rimmer from the vidscreen.
Alota sat quietly for a moment, trying to decide whether she should
make the decision herself. Then suddenly, her intercomm bleeped. She
quickly answered it, "Is that you Captain Niples Or Commander White
Wolf?"
A rather uncertain sounding voice replied, "Umm, Yes, I believe this
commander White Wolf."
Jay gave Alota a funny "Now what?" look as she replied, "Oh thank
heavens you replied Commander, we have a two vessels approaching, one
of them claims to be the Red Dwarf, and the Other has a Mr. Rimmer,
who is requesting Asylum aboard our ship from them. Te claims, that
their a Pirate ship."
"He wants us to grant him Asylum from a pirate ship!?!" blurted out
the Hamster incredilously.
"Yes, and they stated thier Captain has ordered to take whatever
means neccesary to recapture him and that he's be executed for his
crimes."
"They did?!? Wow!" Breathed the huge hamster over the channel.
"What should we do?" inquired Jay.
"Gee. This sorta thing never came up before, and rather difficult to
decide what we should do here. Um, I guess, We should... Um... Ahh...
Errr..." started the huge hamster uncertainly.
"Grant Mr. Rimmer Ayslum, and let him come on board?", finished Alota
hopefully.
"Umm... Yeah, I guess we need to do that first, and then ... umm."
said the huge hamster Distractedly.
"And Then inform the Captain and Miss Edwards, Right?" Finished Jay.
"Uhh, Yeah... Why don't you do that? I'll attend to... uhh... umm...
some other matters. White Wolf, out."
"Well, you heard what the big cheese eater said..." remarked Kayn.
"Hey, Now wait a minute!" Started Alota.
"Yeah, Hamsters don't eat cheese. Mice Do." replied Jay.
"Perhaps you should sit next to him in the Burger Czar, sometime."
"Actually, Mice prefer peanut butter." stated Holly from a side
monitor.
"Ahem. May I come aboard?", interupted Mr. Rimmer from the Vidscreen.
Alota sighed, and replied, "Yes. you have permission to come aboard
Mister Rimmer."
---------------------
Meanwhile aboard the Red Dwarf, in the drive room.
After Kochanski gave him an additonal tug on the collar, Holly turned
away from the communications console, and towards Captain Lister. Who
was seat off to one side wearing a gray business suit, and leasurely
smoking a stogie.
A Snake-man creature* was standing next to him, and Hollister was
groveling at his feet in very dirty filthy ragged clothing, spit
polishing his shoes with a slightly cleaner looking edge of his
ragged loin cloth.
Holly bowed to the seated man and explained, "Captain Lister, the
ship that Mr. Rimmer has escaped to, claims to be a 'Jupiter Mining
Ship' called the 'Blue Dwarf', and apparently Mr. Rimmer has made
them believe we're a pirate ship sir."
"Ha! Perhaps, Now we can *really* get into some exciting stuff
discovering this other 'Jupiter mining' ship." Hollered Lister with
excitement in his voice.
"I admit finding the first ship we seen in nearly a decade would be
reason to celebrate somewhat, but really. Why should we get excited
finding a sister ship from Jupiter." inquired the computer generated
image head of Allie from the monitor.
"If Mr. Rimmer has got them believing we're pirates, then that's what
we'll be!" Said Captain Lister gripping the lapels of his suit.
"What do you mean? Are we actually going to turn Pirate?", said
Kochanski, looking mildly surprised.
"We're gonna fly that black flag thingee?" inquired the Snake,
flicking his tongue out in devious anticipation.
"I'm going to have to hoist the Jolly Roger?", inquired the head of
Allie from the nearby monitor.
"Yeah, that's the one. Wouldn't it be a fantastically new thing for
us to do? We start our pirating career by pillaging and plundering
this so called sistership of ours, the 'Blue Dwarf'?" Explained
Lister.
"Oh now, that's going to work out better than your idea about
establishing individual cities onboard." replied Kochanski with her
voice dripping with Sarcasm.
Captain Lister stared evilly at Kochanski for a moment as if she were
bringing up a sore point, and then replied calmly, "Everything was
fine until that world war got started by that goit, Rimmer."
"That wasn't no world war, it was just a major tiff between
Rimmerville and Listerville." muttered the Snake.
"I doubt something that eliminates Rebbecastan, Bowertown, Onionburg,
makes us rebuild Kryten 160 times, and takes the whole population of
Rimmerville as political prisoner should be classified as a 'major
tiff'." replies Allie from the monitor.
"World War, Major Tiff, call it what you like! I'm just waiting to
get in on some new action. My vote is with Captain Lister on this
one." remarked the Snake.
"Yeah, Yeah... Just as long as you get to kill something, we know the
drill... ", Muttered Kochanski before continuing, "Alright, count me
in. Anything for a break from the Captains inane 'find the salami'
drills."
"What about my vote?" Replied Hollister.
Lister grabbed Kochanski's whip and savagely lashed Hollister accross
the back, "You don't get a vote anymore, remember Ex-3rd technician,
Hollister?"
"Oh, Haven't I yet paid for my crime of helping Mister Rimmer during
the Rubber chicken insurrection in Listerville?"
"No, you are still just a lowly slave, until I think you've properly
atoned for that. Now go get everyone some pirate garb and stuff.",
ordered Lister shaking the whip in front of his face.
"yes..." Sqeauked Hollister, as he tried to rearrange his rags before
going off.
"Alright Holly. Tell the crew, that thier to prepare for boarding.",
Ordered Lister.
"Aye, Captain!" replied Holly as he turned on the Tannoy system to
make the annoucement.
"Arrr, That's the spirit!" Remarked Allie from the nearby monitor
while suddenly sporting a Pirate's cap.
Kochanski turned to Snake and ordered, "Why don't you go down and get
ready to release Kryten from his cage. We'll let him proceed us, so
he can wreck the most havoc."
"Do I have to? He always gets to have the most fun destroying things,
ever since you & lister mounted those quad air cannons on him for the
Rimmerville assault. He simply doesn't leave anything left to have
any fun with when he goes first! Why don't you let me go first with a
few bazookoids?" replied the Snake with an evil glint in his eyes.
"Oh Snake, don't you worry, that ship is just as big as ours. And if
there the same number of people as we used to have before you
released your biogenetic weapons aboard, you should have plenty of
fun. Now, Don't forget to save a few for your Zombie Snakemen you
created!"
"Gee Thanks, I almost forgot! I'm going to have to get that Keto Med
tech fellow to load my Ointmentator-bot with my Zombie making fluid
for using on thier corpses! I could use a few more zombie for my
armies on Risk Sunday."
"Ahh yes, I'm going to be looking forward to playing with some really
fresh pieces as the units, no more complaining deadie holograms this
time!" Remarked Lister from his seat.
----------
---Snip---
"Just one thing to say," Cerebrum said, "Since you're now technically
two people, you'll both have go through a psych-review, so I can
psych-evaluate you and update your psych-reports. If you don't,
you'll be uneligable for various Space Corps and JMC benefits, such
as payment, promotions, living quarters, food, space suits during
away missions to planets without atmospheres and you'll always have
to give up the window seat whenever you fly on a JMC shuttle."
Cerebrum tapped his foot, "So, what'll it be? Psychiatriy or the
aisle seat? Your choice now."
---End Snip----
The huge hamster looked dubious, and replied, "Well, I don't know,
I've liked the aisle seats... it makes it easier to get up and go to
the bathroom, and get out quickly in emergencies. Perhaps we ask my
otherselves opinion."
Cerebrum whipped out his pen & pad, taking notes, "Have you always
had this indecision?"
"Um, no... It seems to have started when everyone started asking me
questions after I got out that booth."
"Ahh... I see.." Said Cerebrum as he jotted down some more notes,"And
What were you doing in that booth? Getting a shower?"
"Well, no... I was trying to separate out my evil half of my
personality, so I could find out which part of it Allie liked the
most, you see. But, Um... things didn't work out exactly as I planned
you see..."
"ahh, you were planning on getting a hot threesome going with Allie,
and your otherself is getting self and keeping her to himself, and
you resent it right."
"Ummm, Well, no... That's not exactly, what I meant."
"Well, what Did you mean then?"
"That I'm now having trouble making decisions."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"Why upset, of course!", yelled the huge hamster in exparation.
"And what are your going to do about it?" asked Cerebrum.
"Isn't that something your supposed to be doing as part of your job,
advising me on what to do? Why do you tell me what I should do. As I
see it I have two altern atives - First, Should I just refer all my
decision making over to my otherself, or should I have Holly pull out
my recent Mind backup for making a hologram with incase I died, and
generate a hologram of me off that so we can ask him what he thinks
we should do."
Fini!
----------
* - The Alternate Universe verison of the Cat.
==========
OOC - Ok, there you have it, folks! Feel free to have fun with this
plot, I hope everyone enjoys it!