The Hamster Fluffs up! - a sort of "Pre-" action post...

Who: Various people... Read it to see who!
When: 2:42 to Umm, heck that Doesn't really matter...
Where: Emmm, well, Various places on the BD... (I Told you to read
it!)
"Well, that looks like that's the last repair job we can do without
pulling into a starship repair facility for a major overhaul. So I
guess that means I'm off duty for the day. Alota, your charge of the
drive room for the rest of this shift. I'm going to go down and open
my office for the first time after all this Eniram business. You
should be able to contact me there, since I'm probably going to be
doing alot of mopping and dealing with flood damage, as I understand
it was completely underwater." Said the huge hamster as he handed the
Alota the duty shift roster and started to exit the drive room.
The huge hamster paused and stepped aside while Ashley entered the
drive room, wearing a very tight and short skirted red leather
officers outfit and took her seat at the sensors. The large Hamster
cleared his throat politely and muttered to himself "Mmmm, I wonder
why I waste my time being such a good little hamster sometimes..." as
he noticed all the male eyes in the drive room become instantly glued
to Ashley.
Catching a quick glance in his direction from Allie, the swad hamster
turned and quickly left the drive room while suddenly pitched in
thought about the reasons why she could liked him of all people.
He thought as he made his way down to his offices,"I know what I like
about Allie. She is a really attractive green eyed red head who had a
few too... well... 'uninnocent' tendencies. She as the right balance
between being innocent, but not too innocent. She obivously likes
hamsters. She's outspoken, and know what she wants even if it is
being a captain after death. Heck, her being dead and a hologram was
actually a plus! I dodn't have to worry about her growing old and
dying on me. Being a overgrown hamster and an Atemporal had put a
major cramp on my ability to have a long term relationship with any
woman. So all around she is pretty much the 'perfect woman' for me."
He walked out of the lift, stepping up the door of his office and
thought, "But what exactly does she like in me? It certainly can't be
my charisma..."
He shook his head giving up, and punched the button to open his door,
and a waist high tidal wave of water swampped him. As he struggled to
stay afloat; he saw Bobo, the late Captain Cannon's pet, go by on a
miniature speedboat while wearing a cute sailors hat.
"You could have at least warned me!" called the capacious hamster
darkly after the retreating sailing rodent.
The sodden voluminous hamster stood up from the floor while shaking
some of water out of his fur, and glanced into his ruined offices.
Then he cursed a vile stream of words to which a female crewmember
passing on her way to the lift, quickly giggled, then blushed and
explained, "Excuse me Commander... I've never thought I'd hear a
hamster curse like that..."
"Umm - pardon me, I shouldn't have spoken like that." Started White
Wolf.
"Don't worry about it..."
Embarrassed, and somewhat mad at himself, the hulking hamster quickly
entered the ruined offices closing the door behind him. He angrily
kicked a toaster on the floor out of his way, and toaster sailed
accross the room and struck his computer monitor, knocking it off the
desk, shattering it, sending shower of sparks into the air as the
electrical current danced through the pool of residual water shocking
the prodigious hamster into unconsciousness.
While on the floor still twitching, the hamster dreamed... At First
hist were normal dreams about how he should be dealing with normal
things like his relationship with Allie and the everyday problems of
the Blue Dwarf like what to do about Charlie Edwards. Then his dreams
slowly took a darker turn, he dreamed he was having problems with
Allie, and how she started committing deeds more evil than Charlie
Edwards, and how in some deep forbidden part of himself actually
enjoyed what she was doing.
In fact, as his dreams turned ever darker, the darker part of himself
revelled in things like becoming a bizarre evil Arnold Schwarzenegger-
like captain with a harem that included Ashley, Alota, Tara, Penny,
Dj as well as Allie. He grew larger, and taller, and laughed
onmiously as he crushed the puny attempts of some crewmembers who
tried to stop his never ending domination of the crew.
The enormous hamster awoke with a start just as the Dream-Jay
screamed while the Dream-Phil followed his dastardly orders to 'stuff
the annoying git into a microwave and run it until he popped'.
The huge hamster sat up and shook his slightly frazzled looking fur
while muttering quietly, "Could part of me really be that evil? No
wonder why the ladies aren't interested in me! I must do something
before Allie really starts to hate me..."
He ran got up and ran out of office headed for the medi-bay.
----------
As the nearly out of breath hamster enters the Medi-bay and looks
bewildered for a moment, Hazel Coffey approaches and askes if he
needs anything.
Pausing for a moment to think, the Huge hamster replies
uncertainly, "Yes Hazel, Ummm... I've come to speak with Lawrence
Trisees about dealing a part of my personality I don't really like."
"Umm, Didn't you hear? Trisees used some betashift machine thingee*
to split himself and Shakespeare into to separate beings... "
"A personality separation machine? Excellent, That's just what I need
to solve my problem! Where is it?"
"It's down on the lower decks, in Trisees place, but think I you
should consult with Dr. Keto before you go and use it."
"Oh Fiddle faddle, I know what I'm doing!" yelled the large hamster
as he sailed out of the door.
The Tree Rustled loudly**.
"Yeah, I always think that too." muttered Hazel before going back to
work.
--------------
Many hours later...
Coming to a finish in his much hurried labor, the Gargantuan hamster
stares in awe at the fully repaired three booths in Larry Trisees's
humble abode.
The Hamster walks over to the computer, and cues up the new program
he's programmed in.
The screen came on and slowly scrolled the text -
"Program: Hamster genemiester 101 online.
Booth One: Online and Ready."
The screen paused.
Then screen finished scrolling -
"Booth Two: Online and Ready
Booth Three: Online and Ready"
The screen paused again, and the scrolled -
"Dissimilation system adjusted and online.
Illegal operation: Program shutting down."
"What?!?", Screamed the huge hamster, "After I installed the Bion
ball's AI to handle all the complex calculations required to deal
with Black hole spawned Atemporal Hamster?!?"
The huge Hamster went into the GUI interface, made several click
and then eventually opened the programs AI troubleshooter. Once the
troubleshooter started up, the screen scrolled -
"Please insert forty quid to continue."
"Oh Curses! I must have opted for Microserf's pay-per-incident
troubleshooting when I bought the ball's AI.", Mutters the hamster
angerly as he searchs in his pockets.
Finally, he pulles out the bills, and then stares at the device and
then mutters in exasperation, "Now, where the tarnation am I supposed
to put this?", grabbing up a network cable, the hamster
continues,"Oh, never mind, I'll just hook this stupid thing up to
Blue dwarfs computer system and do a electronic cash transfer."
After a several minutes of fiddling around with the cables, the huge
hamster finall got the thing hooked into the computer system. He
pulled up the electronic cash transfer screen and spent the next
twenty minutes trying to convince the computer of his identity, but
for some insane reason the system thought he was 'Cerebrum' and
wanted to auto-deduct the transaction from a secret account. Finally,
deciding that Cerebrum could bill him for it, the huge hamster, ok'ed
the electronic transaction and went back to the system troubleshooter.
The screen now read -
"Thank you, Your business is important to us. Please stand by while
we process your incident in the order it was recieved. Your incident
is number 67,324,324,342,325 we are currently working on incident
2,134 if you wish to pay and additional $2,000 quid for priority
support, please press the 'advance to priority queue' button to the
right."
The immense hamsters eyes bulged in frustration, and he quickly
clicked the button. Now the screen read -
"Thank you. For additional $2,000,000 quid, you can skip the annoying
infomericials and mind numbing pleas to purchase another one of our
products, by pressing the 'Gimme the bloody answer, right now'
button."
The rotund hamster clicked it as the speaker began to drone on about
the best reasons to upgrade to windows 2 million and one, then the
screen read.
"You need more power to complete the program."
The amplitudinous hamster looked around, and finally replied "Huh?"
Suddenly the screen read -
"Want to go for double your money? Click the button on the right for
the *another* answer, Stupid."
Without a moments hesitation, the jumbo hamster clicked it, and the
screen finally read -
"You forgot to plug in the power."
Incensed, the huge hamster yelled, "What are you are talking about?
It's already hooked up to the Blue Dwarf's main drive system. What
more could I plug in?"
The screen replied -
"Yes, you hooked up power, but you didn't hook up *POWER*!"
"ok, Exactly how much more *POWER* does this thing of Trisees's need
to do the job?"
"Try hooking up your ships quantum singularity drive."
"How did you know about my ship drive system?"
"You agreed to Bill Gate's full knowledge clause when you looked at
your software license."
"I knew shouldn't have glanced that thing. I never understand why the
government allowed merely looking at one of microsofts license to be
a legally binding document."
"Would you like to pay for that answer?"
"Of course not, that was a rhetorical question! So, I guess I've got
to go hook up my ship's power grid so I can finally run this bloody
program."
The screen read -
"Please be aware that applying the solution my void your microsoft
warranty..."
"What do I care, GOD probably voided my warranty when he... she...
it... whatever turned into a hamster!!!" replied the angry hamster as
he stomped off towards the landing bay.
Several hours later, after an extremely long power cable has been
hooked up to the machine, the hamster starts the program up again.
The screen read this time -
"Program: Hamster genemiester 101 online.
Booth One: Online and Ready.
Booth Two: Online and Ready.
Booth Three: Online and Ready.
Dissimilation system adjusted and online.
System is ready for the Hamster Genemiesterization, press
the 'continue' button below to start the countdown and step into
booth number one."
Just then, the huge hamster heard someone approaching. Worried that
someone might be coming to try and stop him, he quickly clicked
continue, and dashed into booth number one.
As the door on booth one closed, there was a short brillant flash of
light inside and the huge hamster was gone. Then, for several
moments, Trisees's machine did nothing but click and hum.
Click, hum.
Click, hum.
Hum, Click, Click.
Then for a split second, everything aboard the Blue Dwarf suddenly
got fuzzy, then snapped back into sharp focus. There was a couple
quick flashes in booths two and three, and their doors slowly opened.
--------------
Meanwhile in the drive room -
Kayn was just taking over his shift at piloting the Blue Dwarf from
Jay as he looked up at the screen and commented casually "Jay,
where've you flown us to? All of these stars are green shifted."
"What do you mean thier 'Green shifted'? Are you going Green/red
color blind? All the stars were Red shifted when I last looked at
them passing by." replied jay while trying to sneak one more glance
at Ashely's new outfit.
Kayn thinks this over for a moment, then points to Ashley and
replies, "Ashley's outfit is red right?"
"Yes, of course it is."
"Ok, I'm not red/green color blind and those are stars a green
shifted."
"Oh, come on Kayn, your pulling my leg right? Stars aren't green..."
"Well, perhaps somebody better tell them that! THOSE STARS ARE
GREEN!" replied Kayn pointing to the screen.
Jay finally glances at the screen, and mutters, "Hey! They are green.
What the frell did you do to the screen?"
"What did I do to the screen?!?"
Ashley shrieked in excitement, "Something just appeared on my sensor
screen."
"Are you sure it isn't another stray fly that just landed on the
screen?" replied Jay looking over.
Alota leaned over, and glanced over Ashleys shoulder, "Nope, it looks
like there really is something there. Even though the screen looks
alot weirdier then usual. Plus that dot seems to be the source of
this really weird message I'm getting on the radio. I can hardly what
he saying, something about seeking asylum from some pirate ship..."
Kayn leaned over towards Ashley sensor console, and did a doubletake
while saying, "Umm... Guys? Ashley, Do remember when the sensor
screen last looked like that?"
"Ummm, No, not exactly."
"Alright, Do any of you remember when we brought the Blue Dwarf into
that alternate universe?"
"Yes?" Chimed Jay, and Alota.
"That's when the Sensor screen last looked like that weird."
"What?!? Are you trying tell us that somehow you got us into a
alternate universe while White Wolf left me in charge?" yelled Alota.
"Yes, I'm trying to say we're probably in an alternate universe, and
No, I didn't do it - Jay was piloting at the time." replied Kayn.
"Jay! How could you!" Screamed Alota.
-----------
Meanwhile, back the mad scientist's lab, I mean... Larry Trisees's
humble abode below decks...
Out of booth number two stepped a six foot one tan furred hamster
that looked very much like Commander White Wolf, albiet a little
grayer looking and shivering as he was dripping wet. Then, out of
booth number three stepped a six foot three inch hamster with pitch
black scraggily fur, and a opaque white sightless left eye who spoke
to Other hamster Wolf "Tsk, tsk, you naughty little rodent! Now, what
have you been doing? Playing about in the waters of eden, mayhaps?"
<Whoever want's to the the Discoverer of the now TWO White Wolfs,
please feel free to post your reactions!>
OOC - Yes, The BD is now in alternate universe. And this is the setup
for the up coming action post.
------
* - See post 3464 for details.
** - Why is it someone always says something like that before they do
something horribly wrong?