My shirt is on fire

Who: Cerebrum, Smiths, Appendix, Joe (in body, not in mind)
Where: Meeting room
Cerebrum was about to speak again when the ceiling groaned omniously,
and more cracks appeared on it. Cerebrum, against all reason, didn't
comment on this in ways such as, 'Perhaps we should leave,'
or, 'let's alert the fellow in the room above us.'
Instead, he said to the Smiths, "Go get Fingers the thief, and put a
blackjack in his hands."
The Smiths walked out into the corridor, there was a thud, an ow, and
they walked back in dragging a person between them.
"No, that's not Fingers. That's Ensign Bill. Here's a picture of
Fingers, now go get him."
Thirty minutes later
Fingers was unconcious and tied up. "Excellent," Cerebrum said, "Now
we have a patsy to pin the blame on for your bit of stupidity."
"Yes boss."
"Now, it is time to awaken Joe Schweeble with the ... Tesla
Generator!" there was an omnious crash of thunder.
Holly's face popped up on the monitor in the hallway (the one in the
room having been destroyed), "Attention, I'm testing out the sound
effects files to make sure none of them have been corrupted."
Cerebrum had moved Schweeble onto the couch and aimed the Tesla
Generator at him. Cerebrum set the setting to wake up, and stabbed
his finger down on the activate button.
Three seconds later
There was a loud zapping noise, then screaming from the vincinity of
the couch. "MY SHIRT IS ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"
Fifteen minutes later
Cerebrum, wearing a new shirt and sporting some new band-aids,
said, "Since the short circuit results in a sort of a backfire, I
will now awaken Schweeble with the ... bucket of water thrown the
face!" there was an omnious sound of a duck quacking. You just can't
count on computers anymore to provide the right sound effect.
One of the Smiths picked up a bucket of water and threw it into
Schweeble's face. There was a thud, and Schweeble was not awakened.
Cerebrum buried his face in his hands, "Let me be more precise, throw
the water into his face, not the entire bucket."
Two minutes later
Schweeble was up and awake, with some new bruises. "Now, Schweeble,
that meson cannon is not, in fact, a weapon, but a device of mass
psychiatry. As for the collapsed walls, I recomend you speak to Phil
about that. Phil and his mad computer. Phil and his bloody mad
computer that bloody nearly bloody killed me. And Dr Keto, but who
cares about him? And it was Fingers here who knocked you out, I saw
it all and since I've diagnosed him as a pathological liar, you can't
trust anything he says unless he confesses that he did it, in which
case you can."